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March 31, 2005

I won't be called names and I won't be laid a hand on.
I don't do this to others and I expect the same from them
John T Books

Gotham Click images for desktop size: "Gotham" by Digital Blasphemy  I got work today but it was terrible, unloading trucks of dirty documents from semi trailers. The guys I worked with were taciturn and I had no music so the day went slowly.

But work is work and tomorrow I'll probably be glad to do it all over again.
What pleased me was that Ethel, my dog, did well being baby sat. She's with LOL and Fat Yellow Dog tomorrow and I'll have less to worry over.
Ethel seems to be doing fine. When we're together she is walking around more. She still does this odd thing. SHe brings her toys to me and lays them at my feet, then she picks them up and returns them to her bed. I'm sure it means something to her but I'm baffled. She is laughing so it might be some doggish practical joke on me! I say this as, without my iRiver I discover I sort of hum to myself and I noticed that my little dog is mocking me and growling along!
We had a baseball practice tonight. The whole team tried to warm up with me, so I had to cut it way short. 10 minutes of warm up was about all they could take.
GothicanimeThe team is stoked about playing the League Champs on Saturday, they think we have a chance to win. This surprised me as I go into every game expecting to win. That means we win more than a few that people gave us no chance for.
Practice was still a joke but it was practice.
I took my 20 BP's and I'm seeing the ball well. On the mound I think I can have condifence in all my pitches. That makes it sound like I have more than 5 . . .
Ethel seems to enjoy practice nearly as much as games. She got out of her bed and sprawled in the grass. This panicked me as I was afraid she was going to try and scratch her wounds, but she only was cooling her belly.
All the guys asked if she was coming to the game Saturday. I was surprised that they asked. Nearly as surprised that they'd think I'd lose a game in front of my little dog.

March 30, 2005

No one will understand what we have to do - Del Shannon

1932 The Mummy Poster Click on images for full size wallpaper  It was a different kind of day.

We started late on the truck unloading job. When I got the call to start late it was a relief. I thought they'd be canceling. I got Ethel over to Pancho's and she continues to not like being baby sat, even though she likes both Pancho and his mother. But she endures it. I discovered there is a new world when you don't go through life and the streets with music blaring in your headphones. On my way to the bus stop, at 7 AM a woman offered to show me her breasts for a dollar. They looked like nice enough breasts but a dollar is a dollar. I thought what I could offer to show people for a dollar and didn't like the answers I was getting. On the bus was a fat girl in a wheelchair. I see people in wheelchairs almost every time I ride the bus, but I generally don't have to hear the conversation. Seems this girl was in a wheelchair because she was so fat. She got off and electro-wheeled herself into the grocery store. Is America becoming so obese that it will soon be a disability as well as a forced on fashion statement? The truck loading was indifferent. I worked with two other guys who were more into getting the job done and getting out of there, which suited me fine. We were done in about 3 hours with no idea of what was in the crates. It went to the dock of the University so it must have not been too illegal. It paid $20 bucks cash. My next stop was at the new temp agency. I changed into decent clothes in the back of the truck. Droopy DogThe testing was as tedious as I could imagine. I did 2 and a half hours of tests in 45 minutes. Knowing how dumb I am you know how dumb the test had to be. I had some fun with the math questions. It took me a while to figure out: 10.8 is 18% of ?. I got it right but I wondered. I also misspelled guarantee. That was all I missed. They said "awesome" and I qualified to be a certified “Microsoft Office Specialist”. I didn't tell them how much I despise Microsoft and Office. I decided to walk the 3 miles home to save the dollar. Somehow I split the zipper on my slacks! I took off my Airways jacket and wore it and hoped people would think it was a fashion statement. I got Ethel and she was as glad to see me as I was to see her. I decided that music was preferable to the noise of the city. The sounds of the city seem to consist mainly of people asking me for spare change. I found it interesting that most of them asked me for a buck to buy beer. When did panhandlers stop spinning extravagant stories or just mumbling spare change? Dontleafmethisway 1024The catcher from the baseball team texted me and we went out to the J.C. field. We got about 30 minutes into the work out. My straight ball I can throw with good accuracy to a 12 inch square. My screwball is getting more reliable and the splitfinger looks strong, getting a good drop on it. I experimented with a palm ball as a change up. I figure I'm going to be in trouble because these guys Saturday will probably pick the ball up off my hand: "Lot of white means his split finger, no white - palm ball." When we were going to start working on that State Troopers suddenly appeared and ordered us to move. I picked up Ethel in her bed/basket (she likes watching practice as much as she likes the game I think). The Trooper wanted to search Ethel's her basket! He asked in a rude way. I refused! I was lucky he didn't decide to press it. It turns out there was a bomb scare. Nothing blew up. Ethel is walking around more. She likes to bring me things. I have no idea why.

March 28, 2005

Morning Dew

Dragon-Desktop1024 Click on images for full size wallpaper  It was a good quiet day with no drama except the stuff I manufactured in my own mind.

I've had a hard time sleeping. To keep her calm I've put Ethel's, my dog's, bed. on my bed. I don't toss and turn and it calms her to see me. But she likes to crawl over and sleep in my armpit. She did the same thing when she was well and it didn't bother me, but now she's wearing that big Elizabethan collar and her venuset, so while she sleeps easy I have white plastic being shoved into me. It's okay. It just makes it hard to sleep. I went to the daily labor place at 4:30, and got nothing. Before that I'd taken Ethel over to LOL's. She claims Ethel was fine for the 7 hours she had her. She notices she gets very sad and quiet when I leave but perks up about 10 minutes before I come to the door. El Capitan Me, I'm more impressed at how gentle Fat Yellow Dog and Chow are around her. I did the foot rounds , looking for help wanted signs and answering two ads from the Penny Shopper. Tomorrow at 6:00 I have to go unload a truck. Maybe 2-3 hours of work for $20. Then I have an interview and test thing at another temp agency. I hate the temp agency route. They are rotten employers and don't protect you from their clients capricious whims. But at least it's do something. This guy promised me that if I scored as high for them as I did for the last Agency they'd get me a Microsoft Certificate. He sounded impressed with that, so I let it impress me a little. Ethel has been trying to get out of her bed and walk around some. The vet says it's okay and to let her be, keeping an eye on her only. Tonight she walked around and got out one of her toys. She brought it to me and then went and went back to sleep. Tomorrow she's with her kid friend and his mother. I hope it works well.

March 27, 2005

This crucifix is my four leaf clover - Alkaline Trio

Daredevil11 Click on images for full size wallpaper  Ethel got blessed today. We missed the blessing of the animals but the Priest did it for us anyway. Ethel didn't care but I figure, well, you can never be dead sure.

This guy Charles Dodgson was a master of symbolic logic and he once proved mathematically that God existed. I thought some of his basis were flakey but, hey, what do I know. And if he was right Ethel is now covered! Tomorrow I have to resume the big job hunt which means Ethel has to spend time with one of her 3 guardians. So after paying the rent and stuff I had 37 bucks left from my paycheck so I went grocery shopping. I took Ethel over to the LOL and Fat Yellow Dog and Chow's. Fat Yellow Dog is the only creature on earth who would listen to Ethel's nonsense about being snatched by a dinosaur and actually believe it! The two dogs were both excited to have Ethel in their house and were very gentle with her. Coyote 01 With LOL's health I was worried about adding stress to her, but she behaved like a great grandmother and took charge right away and was certain where I was tentative. I went and brought 27 bucks worth of groceries! It was a lot, a lot more than we've had in a long time. When I went to pick up Ethel, after a bit more than an hour, everyone acted like I was imposing! Including my dog! So I felt comfortable that they'd be fine tomorrow. For Easter dinner I made a great salad for myself, with romaine lettuce, olives, 49 cent anchovies, orange and banana! It was a taste and sight delight! And I got 2 litres of Diet Dr Pepper for 77 cents! I felt human. For Ethel I sautéed some chicken livers. They're supposed to be good for her. I cooked them only because they looked gross raw. I don't thinkit would've made a difference to her. We sat and ate and looked at each other. Ethel eats with her mouth open but she liked her livers. I like my salad and have enough to make 3 or 4 more. The rich food make us both queasy so we went and stood in the grass until Ethel relieved herself. I haven't been this stuffed in memory!

March 9, 2005

I wonder if it would snow or rain the day they put me under

Tribalgirl I didn't get work today, not even from the daily labor place. Ethel, my dog, and I had fun there at least. Odd how she only withdraws from a few of the bums and hobos, and seldom from the ones I think of as being leery.
The idea of walking 20 plus miles daunted me. I came home and suffered.
The hunger was pretty bad and gave me a headache and dizziness. None of that is a very big deal but hunger has a way of clarifying the senses and heightening responses. Not the hunger most people go through on a diet but the deep hunger from being under paid and trying to survive on no food, improper food, for too long.
Ethel has plenty of food. That's important to me. I can understand what's happening in my body. She would only know she hurts.
Yosemite ValleyTomorrow I have that test on Word, Excel etc. I'm sure it is a moron test, designed to sift out the biggest fools and leave most of the chaff. I messed around with Excel today and can't imagine what they can test you on. My Southern Friend says it might be macros, which are easy as well. I figure it'll be formulas and adding columns. I want to score high so I get work right away but I can't bring myself to worry.
I am irritated that the place is 16 miles away and they scheduled it for 8 AM. I suppose part of it is to see if I'll show up on time, but it really makes me angry that they subject me to a 4 hour test, test should be in quotes. Why not call me a liar and step outside? Because that is what they are doing but they look to club you with money and their cowardice and lack of pride.
Night Of The Living Dead (3) This is what has happened to America. Money means more than hope and dreams. Courage is sneered at and bigotry and oppression are the rage. If we weren't at war the jackals would have started one anyway. There is no better way to repress a people than to kill off the young in wars while manufacturing propaganda and laws to fulfill the propaganda. And these people are always fat cowards and liars.
I'm lucky. Being with the guys today reminded me of how Ethel found me. And how much luckier I am now than I've been in years because this little shy dog found me and wouldn't leave.
I'm lucky because even though I see the hatred that is being sold as tolerance and the grime that our government tells us is sunshine, and when I see base cowardice promoted as heroism from snapping jackals who could never stand up in a fight, I still like people. But sometimes I think, maybe, I like dogs better.


March 8, 2005

She talks to rainbows - Joey Ramone

Teen Age 1 I fell asleep before 10:30 last night and didn't wake up until 6:00. I feel like a bum, but my hips and legs are still sore.
I went out today with Ethel, my dog, and looked for help wanted signs. I don't think it will turn into anything but I filled out 5 application forms. Three with the caveat that they weren't looking for anyone but would keep the app on file. Considering this was a 30 x 30 store front I did wonder where the files might be.
Ethel was excellent company. We ran into this woman from Hawaii, “T”. Her real name is preposterously long, nearly as long as she is wide. She told me her husband was back in jail. T has liquor as too big a part of her life for us to ever be anything more than casual and distant friends.
DaigirlShe pointed out that my face was sunburned. When I looked, it really was. I got paranoid that it was the sun burned caste of the homeless.
She has a three year old daughter, who is very sweet. For some reason Ethel would let the little girl pet but not hug. Ethel wouldn't let T even touch her. I have no idea how Ethel forms her opinions of people.
We came home and I changed out of my drenched shirt and then Ethel and I went and finished off our gift card. It still has $0.69 on it. How will I get that used up? I go 2, yes TWO giant cappuccinnos. I am not wired on caffiene. We saw the Fire Men and they said hi, Ethel said hi back but didn't want to hang out with them. I think she was miffed I got coffee but she didn't get whip cream.
Teen Age 2 Tomorrow the goal is to get up at 4:00 and go to the daily labor place. They pay in cash but everyone says there is not much work around. If I get nothing there I intend to go to the Unemployment office. There I can get my xeroxes and a couple of free phone calls. I'm not eligible for unemployment benefits until April . . . I'd be dead if I don't have work before April.
But I still get two free local calls and 50 free xeroxes. They have broadband cable too. Very, very fast.
I'd rather have the day of work.
My noodles are finished. I hope they fill me up. It's getting difficult being hungry constantly. Hunger is one thing that seems to amplify every negative in your thoughts, and hunger seems to eliminate hope.

March 7, 2005

When I tried to step aside I moved to where they hoped I'd be

Soft PillowI can state that there are 8 Wal Marts, 4 Hooters but only 2 Starbucks in this entire town.
I walked well over 14 miles today and used up 4 bus tokens!
With every step I wondered if I'd done the right thing in quitting. Here I was broke, no food and miles to go to get a poor chance to eat again. Of course someplace down the line I realized I was in this situation because asshole lawyers can't keep their word so not quitting would only have postponed this drama. As I walked I did laugh out loud thinking about this comic strip I adore; “Pooch Cafe”. I remembered Pancho, the strips dog star, dressing up as a hoot owl because that was the natural enemy of cats and squirrels. I sent a fan letter to the artist and received a nice friendly reply.
After 3 interviews, smiling, hoping, listening, I was depressed and hungry. I didn't want to move or live. I had to take Ethel, my dog, out and I promised the catcher I'd meet him in the park to work on stuff. Dracula's Dog While I was getting ready to go the morons at my former job called me to tell me there was no work tonight. Quitting was clearly the right thing to do. The light workout was good for me. It kept my mind off my mental fatigue. The catcher was mystified that I not only still wore metal cleats but noticed that I'd long ago sharpened them to a knife edge. I'm that kind of shortstop. I was highly entertained by Ethel, who might be a baseball fan. She sprawled her belly in the grass and on every pitch her head would jerk from me to the catcher, then when he lobbed the ball back to me her head would slowly follow it.
The catcher thinks I'm one of the quickest pitchers he's ever seen. As he's only played high school ball I took the compliment gratefully and then quickly forgot it.
I did manage to get a 3rd pitch: a split finger fastball. It doesn't submarine but it does come out of my hand like my regular fastball. I don't think many batters in this league are good enough to follow the ball out of my hand so they may not notice the lack of tumble until it's too late. The pitch works like a curve for me dropping down and away from right handers and in on lefties. I can throw it for strikes.
Smallvillageshop I can't get the snap in my wrist for a good true curve so I have to make do with physics and lack of rotation.
The catcher (and my Southern friend) don't understand why I'm working so hard at this. I know we'll be playing for the man and his dog, the occasional pack of bicycling kids and NO ONE ELSE! But even they need to see that you are trying your best, they need to know that it's important. I've got no image of myself playing pro ball, those dreams are long and happily dead. I have a commitment to myself. I need to be the best I can. The real score board is in my head. It matters that I look at myself and see that I gave it all I had. We have a Weds. practice where I try it all out again.
We came home and I ate a third of my noodles. I'm still hungry. I want Starbucks coffee. I want money. The job that I've got the callback on is going to pay 400 per week, about 300 take home. Right now that seems like a lot.
Debra Hill died today.

March 6, 2005

Mudville 9

Gearing1024X768 These wallpapers are by my friend from Japan. I like them and they fit my mood.
The weather finally let us have another baseball practice today. The biggest discovery is that my teammates really do stink. I am going to be stuck being a pitcher, the pitcher.
We had a 6 inning intra-squad game. I went 4 for 4 with 2 doubles and a homer. The homer was because he threw a slow fat one right in my wheelhouse, only went 285 feet or so. The doubles had more to do with poor fielding then power. I hit ropes not for downtown.
Pitching. I stink. I have no leg drive and no pitching coach. I just kind of cork screw my body up and then step from the mound so everything comes from the shoulder with some drive from the hips. It would be a pretty throw from deep in the hole but it's not much trying to blow 'em some smoke inside.
Creepers (2)I tried out the knuckle ball I scoped from a cereal box years ago. It didn't do anything except get there slower, and the slider I coped from Steve Carlton doesn't really do much but it does look different getting up to the box. I got 12 strikeouts which says more about free swinging then it does my arm. I gave up no earned runs but 6 or 7 errors behind me allowed 3 runs. My squad won 8-3.
Ethel, my dog, was totally cool. She actually watched the game, followed the ball with her eyes and only chased down the foul balls that were silly enough to get close to her. I realized I'm not a pitcher when they tossed me one back slick with dog saliva and I couldn't even get it to take a nasty drop or anything different. The catcher makes me laugh because he keeps flashing me signs. I have no idea what they mean but he's real committed to them. Since I can only throw 2 pitches, well, it's futile but it does add to the atmosphere and my concentration.
About 30 minutes after practice a thunder storm ran through. I liked how it got real dark and I liked the lightening.
Machine Spent the night getting ready for the interviews tomorrow. I discovered my printer has no black ink so my resumes are in dark blue . . . I plan to stop someplace and xerox them. For letters of reference I using a newspaper story they ran about me that makes me seem semi-god like and a letter from a deceased Senator and one form a British cabinet minister. I think they might be overkill for the kind of jobs I'm trying for, but they're all I got.
Doing that got me depressed. Looking at my fingers blackened with printer ink (trying to squeeze those last drops out) didn't lighten my mood at all.
I did manage to not eat anything today so my food supply will last for an extra day!

A Toad The Wet Sprocket Kind Of Day

The-Flight-Of-The-Angel It was a nice busy day in the morning, quiet and dull in the afternoon and filled with chat in the night. Who could ask for more.
I picked up Chow and Fat Yellow Dog to take a walk to the grocery store. We had mini-adventures.
First we saw a mailman. In the area we were in he had to drive his little jeep from mailbox to mailbox. We saw him use a sort of remote controll shaped device. He pointed it at the mailbox for a second, a light flashed red and then he put the mail in. He said it was to check for rattlesnakes, scorpion or bombs! The dogs thought that mailmen are for biting but had never really been close to one before so they were confused he was friendly.
When we got to the grocery I got $2.00 worth of noodles, leaving me a buck for extravagances. I'd gone to Albertson's in hope that they'd have a Starbucks so I could keep using my gift certificate. They did so I got the really big Cafe Au Lait with skim milk. I sat out on this picnic table to drink it, of course the dogs all wanted some coffee. I said no, but the lady inside the Starbucks came out with 3 coffee lids all filled with whipped cream! I'm not sure if she thought I was homeless (I didn't shave today), mean to my dogs, or if she was just nice. The dogs loved it although Chow was concerned that he got the same amount as the 2 little dogs.
Moon-Over-Mandelbrot-10 On the walk home we meandered past a fire station where the firemen were washing their fire truck. It was kind of nifty to watch, especially when two of the firemen turned out to be the paramedics who came to the LOL's rescue. Since they knew the dogs they decided to play with them and shoot hose water at them. It was to indecorous for Chow, who merely side stepped, Fat Yellow Dog tried to drink the sprays of water and Ethel, my dog, would run from the stream and then attack when it would stop, then retreat over and over.
To make sure the dogs didn't take it the wrong way a fireman came out and gave them hot dogs in buns! The dogs thought this was very fair and I think they all decided to become firemen. Fat Yellow dog has lost nearly 5 pounds so I was a bit worried about all the treats, but not enough to stop him.
Oren-Ishii-1024X768In the evening I went with Ethel to Spring Ball practice, just to see the guys and let them know I hadn't forgotten them. They were running boxes but all waved when they could. Ethel wanted to go show them all up. Come to think of it when they waved they all shouted “Hi!” to Ethel . . . I didn't get a hot dog or a plate of whipped cream either . . . .
Then we came home and Ethel slept while I spent nearly 5 hours chattering and being annoying to my friend on Skype . . . at least its free and I enjoyed myself more than I have in a long time of remembering. Although phone calls are pleasant they sometimes make absence sting.
Tomorrow is the last day of no worry and then it's the stress of the Job Hunt again.

March 5, 2005

No matter what in the world you do

Mueng Jin Today was definitely the last day at this job. And, hopefully, the last time I'll have to think about Wal-Mart. To climax the last day we only got 5 hours instead of the full shift.
My leaving didn't go unnoticed. I'm quiet and really thought that my leaving would please the people that it did please and then be ignored by all the rest.
Instead I got a rather large amount of support. One woman gave me a full pack of cigarettes (I don't smoke), another pressed 5 bus tokens upon me. Two mentioned seeing me wander the streets with my dog packs. Two guys said I was quitting in support of all of them.
I don't even know their real names, only my nick names for them.
I still have a dog who seems to adore me. I've got two interviews Monday, rent's paid and I've got 3 dollars for my food, and a pack of cigarettes and 5 bus tokens. You have to accept gifts from people who have less than you. You have to be fair to their hearts.

March 3, 2005

When is employment not employment

Japanese Garden I have no job. They called me today at 11, which is better than calling me 10 minutes before work is scheduled I'll grant, to tell me no work. I asked about my check and was told I could pick it up.

I picked up Chow and Fat Yellow Dog and we were off. Except my check wasn't there. It was at the other office 12 miles away. So I walked there with the dogs. Bad move as I wasn't dressed right, but we made it and made it back.

Best part was my friend sent me a Valentine's gift card for Starbucks! Right across the street was the first Starbucks I'd seen in this town! It worked but they wouldn't give me the change in cash, which I found odd.
The dogs all decided they wanted to taste my cafe au lait even after I reminded them that dogs don't like coffee. One of them, the fat one of course, thought it had been a long time since they'd tried coffee and they might, might, have changed their minds.

I think I have no job. I felt compelled to bitch about working 2 or 3 days a week when I was promised full time work, that it was forcing me into unacceptable poverty. Being lawyers who have LOST 4 major cases for Wal Mart recently (child labor and discrimination) you'd think they'd be a bit more self aware, but they are that kind of lawyer.

Manowar1 They don't want me to leave but as they've broken every promise to me I can't trust them. I don't think they have a clue that I'm a human. In the old days I'd have proved it to them buy pushing them through an unbreakable window.

So I'm going to have to step up my work hunt to panic levels.

The other thing of note is that I contribute to the blogs and sites listed in the little nav bar up top. Some how some one discovered the little blog about children's literature and Lewis Carroll. We've been deluged with questions and comments and “reviews"?. How can you review a bunch of guys just passing along info and opinions?

I am so tired. My Memphis friend wanted to send me groceries. I was tempted, and I hate that I'm tempted. It's a weakness I don't like to see in myself. I still appreciate the idea and the idea is better than the reality - of course next week when I'm dippy from malnutrition I'll feel differently, but not that much differently.

Happy Birthday Dr Geisel

seuss When I was 5 years old they had a book fair at my school. At the fair they had a copy of a bright yellow covered book called "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish". I wanted that book in the same way i want a Ferrari today.
I got the book and it fired me for weeks. I learned to read it, despite my refusal to learn to read "Dick and Jane" and I saw value in learning to read. Although I found the guy's name "Dr Seuss" completely incomprehensible.
By the time I was 8 I'd forgotten lines like "I could eat them in a house, I could eat them with a mouse," baseball and football were far more attractive. I was too young to be interested in girls so there seemed to be little sense in reading. Even though I still would look at books with the same sense of awe and wonder, considering the adventures they contained. But comic books filled that need almost as well.
Then I discovered "Alice In Wonderland" and the beauty of words on paper came flooding back to me.
That was what Dr Seuss had taught me: there are secrets that can only be discovered in reading. I don't think much about the TV shows and movies. (The work with Chuck Jones does have it own different genius)  They weren't the point. The point was unraveling the mystery of words on a page, of having an imagination that only words could fire and explain.
Dr Seuss gave me a lot. Without him I'd probably never have read anything more than the latest "Fantastic Four" or "Spiderman," and perhaps not even that.
He taught me a love, a love of reading. So Happy Birthday Dr Seuss. I've received few finer gifts than what you gave to me.

What a rotten day

Aaaahh Last night I fell asleep fully dressed, woke up and had to take a cold shower. Too painful to even consider a cold shave.
At 7 Ethel, my dog, and I walked up to see the vet to discuss her spaying. It was all pretty good except that Ethel, for reasons unknown, decided to leap up onto the examination table. She made the jump but didn't account for metal slickness factor and slid off the other side. She enjoyed that. Then the vet gave us a ride in the back of her pick up. Ethel loved that. So did I.
Started to formulate a game plan for work. Was put off by some things and then while I was reorganizing I got the call - NO WORK TODAY.
Hard not to get confrontational about it. Upset because I was promised, and relied upon that promise in making my plans for Ethel's healthcare.
Payday tomorrow will be less than a hundred. Rents due.

March 2, 2005

Sleeping perchance

Gettingsleepy 1024 Yesterday was longer than I thought.

I went out early to a job interview. Walked quite a bit. Came home and took care of Ethel, my dog. Then went to work.

I was expecting a quiet somber work place. I was wrong. I forgot that even in the lower depths there are people who aspire to be the king of the ant hill, princess of the dung heap.

While 2 people have announced that they're quitting, 4 others seem involved in a power struggle to be  . . . I can't imagine what they think they are about, but they plan to be something, I guess.

I discovered that the “Cutest most boring woman in the world" has a lot of anger towards me because I don't like her. She was trying to enlist me to her cause but she is so dull that I thought she was finished and turned and left. She wasn't finished.

Colorsquare 1024 Of much greater concern is that the players all met me after work to tell me about how the first day of spring ball went. They were proud, deservedly so, that the core 14 all were the finalists in the endurance stuff. A few got compliments on looking improved. They want me to come and watch all the practices. I won't.

I got home and passed out. I was just overwhelmed with fatigue. Slept for 5 hours fully dressed! Now, I'm just catching up on email and things.

Today. More passive job hunting. I have an offer but it is only for 3-4 weeks, which makes it a gap stop and I'm not sure I want that.

I have to take Ethel to the vet today. I like dogs to be spayed before their first heat. It reduces the threat of ovarian cancer dramatically, and it makes it easier on her.

I want out of life, I think.

March 1, 2005


Barrel I want to go back to when the world was free
When all my friends were just like me
Southern California 1973

Baby come and take a ride with me
To the sand and the waves and the surf and the sea
The sun is out the waves are breaking big
Baby come take a ride with me
And we'll run
Beneath the summer sun
Ride the summer waves
Every summer day

Never ending summer

We'll follow that sun
We're never going to stop having fun
Nothing's ever going to change my world
And I'm never going to lose that girl

We'll run through the nights like demons in the air
They'll try and make us stop but we just won't care
Cause nothing feels better than right here where I am

And I want to tell the world and I want to scream and shout
Don't say no until you've found it out
That I want you to believe
I want you to understand
That it's a never ending summer.

They fired 12 of my coworkers tonight. Laid off 12 more with a weak promise to call them soon. I wasn't in either group. I'm angry that the ones left didn't walk out as a sign of support, they were more relieved than concerned.
My anger is assuaged by the fact that I have a good dog.