This is a time
Salubrious day today. Kind of normal which made it highly abnormal for me, I guess. I mean, it was a good day. This being at peace makes me nervous. I'm more comfortable being distressed I guess, which is stupid and shows the way our minds try and deceive us as it tries to protect us.
I went to help my friend, one of the people I'm staying with, rehab this house he bought. It's an old house that had some ridiculous "improvements" made to it. Thing that made it fun for me was that I've helped build some theaters and recording studios so I thought, in that perverse masculine way, that I was an expert. Working with him I found out I knew nothing. Like we tore up some floor boards - I used might and maim to get about 10 feet torn up in about 3 hours. I would dig and force, curse and tear. It was a pretty fab workout. He came in and using brains and technique finished the final four feet in about 10 minutes using technique and intelligence. I don't think he sweated and, of course, I was sodden. I like learning that I've been wrong about something, especially in myself. It means there's always hope for everyone. The rest of the day was calm. Epitomized by my watching some pee wee little leaguers practice catching and throwing. I made some mp4's from their CD selection, ate another great meal, walked the dog around a pond and tried to work myself into a state of anxiety about the fact that I'm still not working and I'm still actually homeless. I think I need that edge. I have expectations and hopes for work but nothing concrete and I've been at it for a week. I'll get the Sunday paper tomorrow and restart the process. Hopefully I'll get a cumulative effect going and come out alright.