Very tired and tense.
Dealing with paper pushers can do that. Being unemployed can do that. Being alive can do that.
Part of the tension is from having nothing imminent and threatening on the horizon. I've lived so long under threat I'm not sure what to do when things are just calm. It's an itch and now it's an itch I don't have to scratch.
Got a call back on an interview. After talking to some employers I realized I had to really dumb down my resume (or CV if you live east of here). I thought I had reduced it about as far as it would go. I hadn't. I just took out more stuff and instead of supervising things I emphasized where I was hands on. Instead of a title I pick out one responsibility and make it a job description. Instead of focusing on good works you focus on how you managed the money.
In this new America, that is reminding me daily of the totalitarian visions of old commie Russia they taught us via comic books, being good and honest isn't enough. Isn't even good. Being stupid and willing to swallow the line your feed is good. Being able to distort facts to prove a ridiculous point is good.
It's what makes the clean lines of a sports field so appealing. It's why we get upset when our heroes are caught cheating. When you throw away values you need to find someplace to reinforce that you are a good person.
Being able to swat a double down the line with 2 men on is the easiest way to do that.I found a baseball - hardball - league about 2 hours away from here. I'm hoping that they can connect me with something nearby. I got a baseball and a softball out today. I disliked the softball - too big, too yellow, too soft. I'll play that game but I want to play baseball where serious physical injury might occur. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want anybody else to be hurt but for a game to have meaning to me you have to have some flesh bone and blood on the line somewhere. Or else it's mere fun and nothing else.