Click images for desktop size: "Ancient Relics" by William Blake A lot of stuff going on, none of it bad; all of it time consuming.
I've been ill. Very non specific sort of illness. A deep and penetrating kind of fatigue and general unwellness. It's harder and harder to just move.
Fortunately I have a puppy who doesn't allow for lethargy. She demands I move and play.
That's a good thing.
A friends mother saw pictures of my puppy and thought she looked at least 3 years old instead of just shy of 6 months! I put that off to living with me. I've aged her prematurely I guess.
She's happy. Even after being run over and spayed she's happy and full of life, except when she has to take her pain pills and medication. I've had to give up hiding her pills in treats. She's too smart for that and will refuse the treats unless she sees me eating them first. She watches carefully too.
I'm not unhappy.
I've been devoting myself to gadgets. Gadgets are a nice harmless way of avoiding life and pain.
I've a new, decent digital camera. I use it to take pictures of my puppy. I've no interest in photographing anything else. What do I want to freeze in time to remember?
I'm also deeply fascinated with my standalone DivX player. It's a DVD player that plays the avi files you download from the internet. It's fascinating to me and has so many annoying and pleasing quirks that I don't watch much of the movies I simply see what each codec does or doesn't do, whether the subtitles display on my Asian films, whether I can scan this one or only let it play straight through.
It was only 40 dollars. They even sell them at WalMart! The exclusivity of my predilections has clearly faded.
The job is a job. It stinks. I don't make enough money but I get to take my dog there. I can survive on the money and having my puppy with me is like always having a best friend with you.
The most irritating thing about the job and the thing that will make me leave it quickly is discovering that 3 of the women who work for the company, two of them bosses, have crushes on me.
I dislike that. I have no interest in them other than they are nice people. Their infatuation causes them to “drop by” far too often. (I work by myself - just my puppy and me.) I don't understand their fascination with me at all. I'm old and falling apart and have no interests I'm willing to share with them. Our tedious conversations usually require me to merely grunt (most of the time my mind has drifted so I have no idea what they're talking about, especially on the interminable phone calls.)

Click images for desktop size: "Dream" by Zipangu I like them as people but there aren't that many people, anymore, who I want to spend that much time with. I've been spending a serious amount of energy trying to figure out a way to get my puppy and I up north.
There are people there (and dogs) I do want to spend time with. Through a series of threats and whinging and comprimise I've managed to get the entire Thanksgiving weekend off. That's a big deal where I work. I'm already the only person there who doesn't work 6 days a week, although I still don't get 2 days off in a row.
I want to go away. I want to walk down new streets and high ways with my dog looking up at me and snuffling in things I don't want her snuffling at.
This is not a big dream, I think, so it should be easier than this, I'd think.
Again, as usual in the USA, it's a shortage of money.
I need to remember the only real function I have is to just survive.

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