Click images for desktop size: "Woman Who Dreamed Of The White Wolf" by Tom Darro We all have those times when we want the phone to ring. We want somebody, anybody, to drop by. We all have times when we need to remember that we are human and we don't always feel like like . . . this. When its hard to recognize the face in the mirror.
There's the other times too. Those moments when you wrap yourself in a black cocoon and relish being not of this earth. Sometimes you think those thoughts filled with hate that come from someplace you don't recognize. Later on those thought repulse you and force you into being more the person you are and want to be.
Some people just sit around scared.
To be human you have to have light and dark inside of you so that it becomes up to you which side to show to the world. So you can be the chilled relaxed person who is comfortable in your own skin.
Then you can face the world knowing what's inside of you.
One of the free penny papers did a story about me, my puppy, football and music and about me talking to the city council.
I just wanted to be invisible. To suffer quietly.
I don't like newspapers.
Journalists. I've had them as friends. Been fond of a couple of them so I know that they are people and feel and act just like the rest of us. But they have a job and when it comes down to their job they can't help but use everything they know about you. For a journalist the biggest loving act they can do in your behalf is keep silent. They twist the knife, not with hatred which you can deal with and expect, but con amore, only because it is their job and what feeds their kids.
I don't like even sweet puff pieces fascinated that I'm like a side show freak. I like music, football and puppies and I care that children not be harmed.
That's normal for me but worth a quarter page in a throw away paper?
I want to be invisible all over again.

The pain has been bad. I've been swallowing pain killers pretty steadily. Not the narcotic ones. I hate them and avoid them at all costs. They knock out the pain but then I feel hung over for the next 3 days. the pain is still manageable.

Going into tonight I'm 11-3 in my football picks. One of the losses was picking a major upset, picking Miami. The other was a shock. Who could have figured that John Abrahams and Grady Little could suddenly convert the Atlanta defense into championship caliber, or is it that Carolina is really a one dimensional team and without Steve Smith fall into the ordinary.
Probably both are true.
And then I picked the Giants . . . they played horridly on O and stunningly on D. It doesn't matter, who I picked. It was a highly entertaining game.
Now the two games tonight. I'm so drained I hope I can stay awake for them.
Between football and the Dodgers and the American League Central I can barely keep my mind on the hurting. This is truly a golden time that comes each year and then on Saturday Southern California against the Nebraska Cornhuskers!
I'm shallow. These are reasons to rejoice in life. Then my High School team gets to play an 0-4 team.
Hopefully we can learn sportsmanship while perfecting our performance.

Click images for desktop size: "HP Lovecraft Panel 2" by Michael Whelan And I have a dog I love.
What else matters.

For my birthday I got a couple of really great books. They came from Amazon with a gift note but absolutely NO NAME or even clue as to who might have sent them. I took the tact that, instead of thinking about it, I'd wait until I got a nasty note or phone call.
It came today BUT it came with even more gifts! More MOVIES - King Hu's “The Fate Of Lee Kahn”. This is a Chinese disk. I hope it has subtitles. “The Fate Of Lee Kahn” was the first Chinese film to be noticed outside of the grind houses way back in the 70's. Respected critic Tony Ryans, astounded everyone by writing a pivotal piece, “Threads In The Labyrinth”. The films he wrote about most eloquently were King Hu's. I have never seen the movie so I am stoked.
If that's not enough it also included a box set of 5 spaghetti Westerns!
This proves my puppies cynical syllogism, “The ruder you are the more they like you.”

This is September 11th. Five years ago. One of my best friends was a Lt. Commander. He was at the Pentagon and died there. The real hell was that it took 3 days for the US government to even acknowledge he was there and 2 more days to find out what happened to him.
I miss him. Even so neither his wife or his mother and certainly not me believe that all Muslims should be killed on sight. We don't believe that this war in Iraq has anything to do with what happened that day.
Even though we have been touched by it we all still feel that this is a phony war designed for the most base political and monetary motives. I don't want to understand them, I want the people who killed my friend to be dead and I despise a President who seeks to justify his self serving acts with the blood of my friends and the young men and women who's lives he throws away.

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