Click images for desktop size: "Fall Leaves" by Alan Jenkins Woke up.
Pain and nightmares.
Nightmares about the past.
Maybe its just the pain, or the time of year, or the thunder storms. I don't know what brings them on.
I don't like nightmares.
I don't like being reminded of how powerless we are against the past, how powerless we are.
I don't like reruns in my head trying a thousand ways to to do something different, to change the past and realizing that nothing I could have done on that day would have changed anything.
You can't change the past.
You can only change the future.
I've tried.
Frustrating thing about changing the future is you never know what you've actually done.
As I said that I thought that is a good thing, not knowing. If we knew we might screw it up.
We don't need angels showing us what the world would be like without us. That's not specific enough.
Thinking about the present is the best way I know to calm the self induced ghosts.
The power just went off, I have a back up power supply for the computer. Should keep it on the alarm clock. No idea how long the back up power will last. I'll keep typing in the dark.
At least I know this is the storm and not ghosts.
I saw the neighbor on his roof this evening. He was putting up Christmas lights.
Funny how the poor feel the need to make things glorious.
I managed to bully my way to an MRI today.
The good news is that the pain isn't connected to the old football injury. You know, spearing used to be legal?
I remember the play well. It was in Alabama. I played for 3 more weeks before the pain made me go to the Doctor. I used to be tough. Now its a fused disk.
The bad news its the chemo leeching the calcium from my bones. Like a smart disease it attacks most where you're weakest.
I need to keep doing my exercises. Good thing I remember them.
I know enough to respect the pain. So I won't make it worse. Harder lesson to learn than you might imagine.
My puppy came in. She just wanted to check on me. She gave up the bed to be close, just in case I needed something to pet. She's a good dog.
Today she's 18 months old. She didn't really care or notice. She was just glad to play.
I can't post this. Power supply is on the computer, not on the modem.
Powers out 20 minutes now.
Called the power company. They estimate - note estimate - power back on in 4 hours.
Nothing like the ineptness of a monopoly to take away the last lingering remnants of a dream.