Click images for desktop size: "Dreaming On Christmas" by Unknown Coming into work today I was sitting on the bus listening to music when I was suddenly near overwhelmed by a wave of sadness and grief.
I don't know what bought it on. I was listening to the Four Seasons “Let's Hang On” and idly wondering how come this tune was such a huge hit (number 1) when I could only get a glimmer of what the song was about when I suddenly just felt the pressure behind my eyes and the sadness come rolling in.
I just let it roll. That's what I do. It passed quickly but gave me no clue as to what bought it on.
It certainly wasn't the music - its old. I've heard it several times before. It has no significance for me.
Speculating on what could produce such a profound effect seemed counter productive so I let it pass. The moment I let it go I remembered a 12 foot wave I once caught at Rincon several years ago. It was a totally tubular ride. In my memory I could hear Maggie, one of my dogs, on the beach barking because she was mad that the surf was too big for her to swim out to me, as was her custom.
Funny thing; the mind. I wondered if this meant I was going nutsier, or was just a sign of being old and diseased or some such. Maybe I was turning into a Southern Belle out of a turn of the century dime novella.
I figured I was all wrong about that stuff. I couldn't afford any of that. I have to keep working.
I missed my puppy. She and I bicker but we love each other.
I notice that she spends at least an hour a day demanding pets from me. She always needs to know where I am, sort of like a mother and child and best friend all rolled into one.
My best friend today decided that I was home sick for LA. Gave me pause but its not right. I loved being raised in LA. I loved living there until it became just another big dangerous city. The LA I loved still exists but it is buried beneath the 21st century. Where I live now isn't the best in many ways, but at least its keeping me alive.
I'm really sick right now. My puppy is curled at my feet and my foster puppy is staying as close as my puppy will allow him. I'm glad I'm alive and I'm glad its nearly Christmas.
Maybe I am homesick. I don't think much about myself except when I have to. Then I just analyze. If I am homesick its not for an old home its for an old time, a time that won't ever be again. The only constant are the ocean and the surf.
My home is with my puppy and with our friends and I still have friends all over the world. I can't ever be homesick.

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