I wanted to love you even when you made it impossible
I'm not sure why.
I'd hope its to see the pretty pictures.
For some I guess it's to be able to check in and see that I'm okay, maybe to see what sort of whacky adventures my puppy and I have gotten into today.
Other than that I'm at a loss.
I have been busy. Very busy this whole week.
Busy always seems to result in me being dead tired.
Last Wednesday I had to go to the State Legislature and talk about dogs. Sadly to talk about humane ways of killing dogs. As if there is any humane way for anything to die.
It went over well but not in my eyes or ears. No one was converted, I'm fairly sure. Rhetoric that doesn't effect change is sinful to me.
State employees want to round dogs up and execute them quick and easy. They use the machine invented by the Nazi's for Auschwitz and Triblenka. I can understand without empathizing with their situation. They want their job to be easy. It doesn't matter to them whether dogs and cats expire with dignity or wrapped in fear, confusion and fighting each other as well as death.
Thinking about that made me think that I hope Michael Vick is guilty of the things he's been indicted for. If he isn't guilty its a real crime the way he's been pilloried.
I'm not religious but I think that all creatures deserve respect, to live a life of their choosing. To grow and live free.
I don't think Vick, the State or dog pound employees have a right to choose harsh brutal methods of killing living things.
If I hear the phrase, "They only kill the ones who aren't adoptable," again, I might have to decide the speaker is un-adoptable. I figure if they have the right to decide life and death then they give me the same right.
I've been mad trying to get all the paperwork and logistics ready for my move.
Its a pleasant if arduous chore.
Its time. There are people I'll miss, of course, but a brighter future lies ahead.
I'm worried how my puppy will cope with it. She adores me and I hope that is enough for her to endure all she'll have to go through.
I know she'll try.
Today she passed her final exam. She's now certified to work with mentally retarded patients. It takes a load more forbearance, tolerance and empathy as well as old fashioned patience.
I figure living with me for 2 years has taught her that. She always understands and trusts me. Even now when she's on a diet, she stays an overweight ball of love.
Too many of the people I work with are getting dogs. I keep wondering what hole they're trying to fill in their lives. Most seem to want a dog to entertain them. They don't share their lives they just expect the dog to be a perfect house guest and not a loved member of the home.
Out of four dogs 3 have been returned to the shelter . . . one because, in four hours, it was claimed the dog did nothing but attack him. Smart dog.
Of course this idiot got another dog right away.
I'm not just being harsh. This fellow is an absolute idiot. He frightens me because he's the sort of guy who I think is truly un-adoptable.
I met him at lunch. He weighs 325. I know as that's how he introduced himself and as, "I'm Brian Junior and that stands for BJ and that stands for Blow job and I loves 'em. I weigh 325. My ex-wife is a maniac (sic) depressive who used to beat the hell out of me. I left school after the 7th grade. Look at me! Who says you need an education."
Hell of a way to meet someone. Since this was in a crowded restaurant and he felt the need to shout at the top of his voice so that all heads turned towards him I spent the rest of the hour trying to make sure he didn't breathe on me because I was already certain that if he touched me I'd have to slug him.
He spent the rest of the time telling everyone how much smarter he was than all of us. We work hourly paid jobs so I'm confused as to what he considers success.
He's back with his wife who actually outweighs him. His wife moving in with him is what prompted the decision to get a dog.
I saw two films of note.
One Japanese, "Memories Of Matsuka". Its the story of a an obese bag lady who is murdered in a park. A young guitarist in a punk band is visited by his father who orders him to clean out the hovel she's been living in. The kid is surprised to learn he had an aunt.
While cleaning out the refuse and squalor he begins to get glimpses of what his aunt was. Se was a child jealous of her father's attention to her terminally ill sister.
Matsuka goes off and become a teacher, then a modern geisha, a topless dancer, a yakuza's moll, a singer, a prostitute and finally a murder victim. Her life is told in bright super saturated colors. The story amazes and delights, confuses and confounds. Its remarkable and all the more so in that Matsuka isn't all that extraordinary. The people she met were all just people. The glamour she knew is that a cell mate from her time in prison turns out to be a wildly successful porn star. In other words Matsuka's life isn't any much different than any of ours.
The other was South Korean, "Miracle On First Street". Its about the mad rush in Korea to industrialize, to compete with Japan and the USA. To do this a lot of nasty things are done to rather nice people. A gangster is sent in to terrorize the people of a slum to move out so that his boss can build a fancy high rise.
The gangster isn't too good at this. He meets the kids and is inadvertently turned into their protector. He meets a girl who aspires to be a championship boxer, like her brain damaged father. And with just that the film progresses easily into being a great comedic, tragic miracle. Their are three miracles. The first is supernatural and just a red herring to set you up for the true miracle of First street. And like all miracles it is merely human.
The third miracle is this little movie.
Only other thing of passing interest is the people who come to see me at work. The priest who tells me of his fears about his marriage and his first son, and the psychiatrist who I first new as a resident talking with me about his concerns in his life before him.
Students talking about trips and plans, men and woman talking to me about the ashes in thier arts and how badly they've handled a bad relationship.
I have no idea why they talk to me about it. I used to think they just talked to anyone who would listen, but now I'm not so sure.