Someone shouted, "There's a light up above"
You can never ever say goodbye to ghosts. Even when you think you've laid them to rest they live inside of you.
And that's good. What you are, and what I am, is partly the ghosts shaping you forcing you to see things you've ignored or denied.
I had an extra foster pup for the week. Just baby sitting. He made me laugh.
I still have a foster dog.. I'm at a loss as to what to do about her. She's so sweet and trusting. She really thinks that I'm her pack leader and she believes that I am her home.
She also believes I am an idiot for not listening to her and for not doing what she tells me to do.
She really does think I am her home.
We have a week to resolve her plight.
She's suffered a lot in her life. I will not tolerate her suffering any further.
Two more days at work.
Bewilderingly I received a 3 page to do list from my boss on Friday. I marveled at this, truly marveled.
Did they honestly believe that I would "kill" myself to complete this odious set of tasks?
Was it a ploy to fire me 3 days early? Did they hope I'd look at it and just walk out?
Are they just silly?
Two more days and my boss is threatening to spend them with me.
I figured one day for me to turn over my keys and things. The other day seems like some sort of punishment or a profession of love. Neither do I want or care about or accept.
We had a mini-party on Wednesday. It was a terrible day except for that. In the morning the doc told me that I was now a type one diabetic. I'm going to need to be on insulin in the next few months. Because of the nature of my diabetes, caused by chemo poisoning the odds are it will be even more progressive than usual. Eventually my pancreas will go necrotic. So I have to stay on the same barrage of pills and add on one of those once-a-day insulin shots. Trying to keep the old pancreas going as long as it can, assisting it instead of ignoring it.
Having to take "injections" everyday unnerved me near as much as when I was told I'd have to take pills everyday.
I've accepted it and moved along.
The Football pre-season has started.
As most of you know this part of the season is more important to me than anything else. I have 8 kids in NFL camps. For about 20 million young people just being there is a major accomplishment. I know that at least 6 of the eight making the team is more than important.
During preseason they earn about 1200 a week, as long as they stay in camp. If they make the practice squad they keep earning that amount for the season. If they make the team roster they make a few hundred thousand a year.
That's the difference in moving their siblings out of the ghetto, of having a leg up in the business world, of having a real chance.
So the second half of every game is the nerve wracking part for me.
I can't see all the pre-season games so I'm bewildered as to how they're going. Stats don't mean much. They don't tell how well the kid is playing, how he's fitting in.
This might sound selfish but if anyone of you is worried about me you could do me a favor and turn those prayers to the young men who are in training camp right now. Kids who've expended an amazing amount of work and a little bit of talent into having a chance.
We all deserve a chance.