Click images for desktop size: "Its All Grey" by Jakob P I didn't go out looking for money yesterday. Probably a good thing.
My blood sugar dropped below 2. It's supposed to not fall any lower than 4 and never any higher than 10. So too is hyperglycemic pass out time.
I put it down to too much exercise, too much sweat. I found some chocolate coated coffee beans in the fridge (what kind of impoverished people have chocolate covered coffee beans in the fridge?) and a few of those stopped the black spinning spirals and just left me with the shakes. Astonishingly the injection of chocolate only raised my blood sugars to 4.3.
My friend thought that the Doc's wanted my blood sugars to be near hyperglycemic. The opthamologists do. They want me to keep the sugars between 4 and 5. That's to slow down the blindness.
The other Doc's want me to stay between 4 and 7, with a spike up to 10 after meals being acceptable. A couple years ago there was a lot of debate as to whether I'd go blind before I died. I always wondered if they started a pool about it. A few of the Doc's were throwing around odds like 5 to 2, that's why I suddenly paid attention. I thought they were talking about football or something interesting . . .
My sneaky food stealing puppy always amazes me. When I was starting to tumble she locked in close to me with none of her usual demands. She just stayed close (but not so close I might fall on her) and watched me intently.
Earlier we'd gone for a walk to the post office with a slight detour through the park.
The gentle dog was so excited he spent the first two hundred yards springing up to my eye level and laughing. He only stopped when we reached the park entrance and looked so imploring we had to make the tour.

Click images for desktop size: "Dream Days" by Maxfield Parrish In the park a couple of kids wanted to play with the dogs. While I was explaining to them that the giant dog and the gentle dog couldn't be petted one of them grabbed my puppy's ear hard enough for my puppy to yelp. I was impressed with my puppy because she didn't snap at the kid, which I would have done, but remembered her therapy dog training, pulling away and coming to stand beside me on the opposite side.
She behaved better than the kids, when I explained to them that they couldn't play with the dogs and hurt them the seven or eight year old flipped me off!
Their father came over by then and apologized for them. That calmed me down but I was still shaking my head. Its okay to hurt me but not my puppy, I guess. At least in my mind . . .
We went to the Post Office and met an older woman who had a heavy Brummie accent. She wanted to talk about the dogs. She was delighted with them and even knew my puppy's breed! The pack liked her too because she scratched their ears properly with no pulling.
I keep getting hammered with doubts about my suitability to be involved with people in the face of my deteriorating condition.
Of course the way I handle that is to not handle it. I'm going out to look for money in a bit. I'm hoping that the heavy heat and humidity might scare off a few workers and about now the "boss" will be looking for bodies, no matter how inept, just to lug stuff around.
I'm your boy for that.
It might seem foolish but its more important to me to not be beaten.
I've fought these diseases for a good chunk of my life now. Some of my Doc's have even understood.
The important thing is to not give in to the parts of my body that want to just give in and collapse. It takes fight to stay alive and to have a life worth living.
It would be easier to just lounge around all day, play with the puppies and pretend I'm healing. Some days that is all I'm capable of.
Most days its better to believe I'm out there and fighting and winning.
When I was working my old job I never missed a day in two and a half years due to illness. That didn't mean I was a loyal employee. I hated the job. It meant I wasn't giving in and that I wasn't going to be beaten by a disease.
At least not until the diseases gets stronger than me. I want that to take some doing. I'm happy now. Why let some rampant cells shorten the happiness.