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December 16, 2008

Protecting the rich may be the quickest way to hell but its the easiest way to get rich yourself
Allen Stern

Beauty With Cigarette
Click images for desktop size: "Beauty with Cigarette" by Unknown
I fell down last night. Fell down pretty hard and in my own backyard!
The rain and warmth turned the yard into muck and then the sudden deep freeze froze everything Hound Of The Baskervilles solid. The lucky part was that somehow it dried most stuff out pretty well, except for this one strip where the dogs and I wear our paths.
The paths are solid strips of ice. I couldn't see that in the dark.
I fell hard. The dogs weren't anywhere near me but were willing to take the credit. All three were over sniffing me. I banged my head pretty hard, jammed my wrist and my elbow is still hurting.
I examined the area this morning. There's no trace of where my hand hit but there's a nice star from where I smacked my elbow.
Christmas Night
Click image: "Christmas Night" by Wallpapermania
I was glad to see that. I'm a guy and guys know instinctively that we have to qualitate anything stupid, or clumsy and especially something painful to see where it fits into the guys hall of records.
This was a pretty good fall in the ice. Not up there with Bills in the winter of '86 but he had the advantage of being on a lake and getting his butt stuck in the resulting hole.
So not a great fall at all but still pretty good.
The house is reeking of dehydrating sweet potatoes. I'm excited. They'll make great treats for our dogs and even better Christmas presents for the neighbor dogs.
Home for Christmas by Inevitable Imagination
Click images for desktop size: "Home for Christmas" by Inevitable Imagination
The dehydrated sweet potatoes go for like 16 bucks for a bag of five! We've got about 25 going right now. Its been going for 14 hours so far. They look different than when they started out . . . I have no idea how much longer they'll take.
The ones they sell they claim are similar to rawhide but healthier.
We have this vacuum thing that I want to use to "wrap" the doggie presents. No one knows how to work it . . . Its that machine that has these plastic tubes. You put your stuff in the tube and it sucks out the air and seals the bag to make something very slick and professional looking. At least in theory. Just more Christmas excitement.
Now that we have a dehydrator I'm chuffed trying to figure out what else to dry out. Being too much of a guy sometimes I can only think about stuff like toothpaste and nuts. I'm trying to figure out Christmas with the Superheroes what would be totally cool to see all wrinkled and dried out. I usually get into trouble thinking these kind of things. Harmless trouble but still trouble.

Today its novelty Christmas records.
Novelty records have always been cool. Some of them have even been massive hits. They've been around like forever. The most annoying of them had to be the number 1 with a bullet The Chipmunks doing "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)". The brain child of Ross Bogardisian and novelty stud David Seville (prior to this his smash was "The Witch Doctor" not included here). The sped up voices are annoying and deadly to anyone not born with 6 year old auditory sense.
The penetrating effect of this can still be felt in hippie band Canned Heat's Homage and cover of "The Chipmunk Song". Scary stuff.
This actually spelled a whole series of answer tunes from groups like the Squirrels, the Groundhogs. They were all terrible and all sounded the same. One DJ was incensed by kids enjoying Christmas. He did a spoken record that was so teeth gnashingly ernest and sincere it can only be endured at Christmas, Harry Harrison wishes "May You Always" at Christmas. Its just what you imagined.
Fortunately the world was blessed with the Marquees. A black doo wop group that went further out than the Coasters. "Christmas in the Congo" was a Christmas sequel of the other minor hit. This one did so well that the Marquees gave us the rocked out "Santa Done Got Hip". And suddenly the Christmas Ornaments
Click images for desktop size: "Christmas Ornaments" by WallColl
real flood gates were open.
Patsy Raye gave us the remarkable "Beatnik's Wish". One listen and you'll want to become a beatnik! But only because you couldn't afford the clothes to join Edd "Kookie" Byrnes in "Yulesville".
Suddenly for every cloying Christmas track like the psycho "05 I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas" by Gayla Peevey we got to sway with The Enchanters and their "Mambo Santa Mambo".
Since then its never stopped. There's the memorable "Going Up To Bethlehem". Where comedian does a nice CCR rip to make a stomping Christmas tune.
Even today we have bands like The A.K.A.'s covering "Christmas In Hollis" MXPX doing the strange "Christmas Night Of Zombies" which still has one of my fave Christmas lines. Frankenstein's Daughter (Hint: The snow is red)
So this should keep you suspiciously grinning until tomorrow. We'll leave you with The Boys Next Door on Bad Records and their too cool "The Wildest Christmas".
I have to go work on falling down and other important Christmas stuff, like dreaming and walking the dogs and forgetting that there's a world out there that doesn't see any way to laugh right now, who wants to penalize the poor and isn't afraid of ghosts.
I got invited to play Santa back in the town I used to live in. I'll dream about that some.

Comments

skip the toothpaste...I like your carrot treat idea pretty good so after the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean you should get going! Seriously! They liked the Sweet Potatoes and I did note that both words start with the same letters as Standard Poodle, of which we have two.

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