One lives in the hope of becoming a memory
For some reason I found my thoughts stuck, not on the Superbowl, but on Blake, Patchen, Corso and Chandler. I like them because they saw a huge vista of the world that was near inclusive and set out to describe them in terms and ways that were clean and simple. Accessible. They knew it was important to see this world in the cadence they saw it.
I think that Blake's "Visionary" works got too wrapped up in Swedenborg to fully succeed in that. The mysticism lost me somewhere and its easier to blame Swedenborg than to see if the lack of comprehension is a failing in me.
Conversely I like Cocteau because all of his "revelations" are simple and obvious but he dressed them up in fine brocades and wild flowers to make them seem like more than they were.
I find it odd that none of my faves ever seemed to consider forgiveness. While Patchen and Blake railed against God and tried to take him to task they never blamed him for humanity and its gross failures. Patchen demanded to know why he allowed men to harm other men. Blake wanted to know why he did not elevate man from the toils of the earth.
(I have always found it amusing and educational that most of Blake's published letters to friends usually included a line about, "Could I borrow 50 pounds so that I can buy copper plates to complete . . . " Genius and grocers and landlords never mix.)
Chandler's world was godless. Man created life carnally and cruelly. Survival of the fittest and only the high mnemic could possible survive.
None of them ever blamed God for terrible things that are god made, like diseases and cancers. They wanted him to account for greed and poverty and war. Man made things that he should have abolished.
Another inch of snow yesterday. I discovered that the paths around the yard that the dogs and I have stomped down are pretty narrow. They're invisible under the new snow and if I step off them the snow is calf deep.
I did some light shoveling, loosened up my shoulders.
My puppy was anxious to play with me yesterday. She bought me a toy and demanded I chase her. It made me think that sometimes she misses being a therapy dog. We did have fun. I chased her, she scurried and the gentle dog would bite me, grab my wrist and hold on. Its the way he likes to play with me.
He used to be a somber, wary dog. Now he's happy and more doggish. I like that. I like that he's having fun and wants to join in.
My friend is probably going to rent a car this weekend so we can go look at new cars, well, used cars. The expense bothers me.
She applied for a car loan at her bank. Did it on-line. When she didn't have an answer she called them and was told they never received it and that they'd had a few other complaints like that. He wanted her to come in to fill out a loan app and claimed that applying from the banks website was dangerous that all of her confidential data could easily be hijacked . . . My paranoid streak makes me think this is a new banking ploy to sell you stuff, (sell you money?). Its hard to accept that a bank would want its employees to claim that their secure web site is hopelessly insecure but it would work on a lot of people and it would force people through the door so they can sell you stuff. Like my friend applied for a 10-15 thousand dollar loan, just preliminary approval like we used to get. If they get her in they could bombard her, take her to the max of her credit limit. Tellers and loan officers are still grossly underpaid, they get their raises and bonuses based on how much they get out the door so it makes sense.
Basically I don't believe the on-line app was lost.
I was expecting to get a ride from my friend's parents to avoid having to pay to rent. They're going through their own little impenetrable miasma. No offer, just my expectations.
Funny, my friend's assistant is going to Aruba for two weeks. She has a new Hyundai that she offered to loan my friend while she's gone!
My first thoughts were how could the assistant afford two weeks in Aruba and a new car while the boss cannot! I'm just like that and sometimes don't see the obvious (single, no house payment, helpful parents). That still doesn't overwhelm my gratitude at such a magnanimous gesture. The assistant has a new puppy. I put it off to the basic generosity of doggishness.
Today is blank. My head is still blank, still coping somewhat with pain and worries. We still have to figure out a good deal on the rental and have to prepare for my friend's being out of town for 3 days next week. Where she's staying has no internet! An odd thing, I think, in this day and age. At least the rental car and the hotel are being paid for by the company.
Then on Sunday, the Superbowl. I've seldom been less excited.
Every time I try to think seriously about the game I find myself falling asleep. It looks to be pretty boring. The Cardinals' O might bring some excitement but the Steelers' will probably make the excitement be mostly near misses.
Even as I think about it now I feel myself getting groggy.
I have to make some time to stay awake and make my pick.