Sometimes it seems that when I was a real rude, self centered jerk prone to lashing out randomly and often unprovoked, it seems like I had more friends. Or at least I knew a lot of people who’d loan me money without blinking . . .
Did these people value me? I have no idea. How can you know what people think of you? Even when I was a jerk I knew better than to value people by the amount of money they’d loan me.
I guess than the question is; “did I value them?” At least enough to repay all the loans, not out of pride but because it was what you did and I often figured that they needed it as badly as I did.
I wasn’t above repaying them conversely to the difficulty they gave me in borrowing it. Meaning the people who loaned it to me the easiest got repaid first. Usually it seemed they were the people who could least afford to loan me money at all.
I guess I valued them. A handful of them I still consider friends to this day.
I wasn’t always borrowing money, just once to scrape of the 20% house down payment – $35,000. There’s a number I won’t ever forget. Then banks wouldn’t even consider a mortgage unless you had at least 20% down.
Then, in LA, I knew people who were excited about getting rear ended. A lot of homes got sold, financed by whiplash, (I often wondered if the lawyers got 33% of the home too. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t a touch jealous of their mixed fortune. I’d have traded pain for a home and not to be looking at a mountain of debt.)
So I guess I just had more friends back then. When I began to be changed by the world I guess I stopped seeing people as replaceable commodities. I began to value them, to care.
I’m not smart enough to know if my friends now are “better” than my friends from back then. I don’t really know if more people hate me now then hated me then. I just know I’m happy now, then I seemed to only have desperate drive punctuated with moments of happiness that made the mad quest for money and recognition seem almost worth it.
I’m thinking too much about this stuff because the bank turned down the car loan. This is surprising. My friend has had a business relationship with them since she was twenty – car loans, two mortgages, even personal loans, all repaid with no issues, even the current mortgage.
It seems there was a credit card that involved a huge dispute. Then since September nothing from them. The assumption was that it was settled. Now it looks like what they did was write off a balance and reported it as bad debt. Seems pretty corporate vindictive. The amount written off was something that would have been paid if they’d given her/us the chance.
I don’t know. Maybe its just the current economy and banks looking for excuses to not make loans. Who knows?
Thinking about it I only ever had one banker as a friend. I called him “John the Dork”. I liked him. He made me laugh sometimes. He was remarkable awkward in any social situation but frank enough to turn it from being embarrassing.
I’ve always hated banks. So much that this barely surprises me.
It hurts my friend though and that makes me very angry. Not with her but with banks.
One solution is to refinance the house. I’ve no idea if there is enough equity in the house to get the money for the car or if its worth all the trouble.
I feel a bit guilty because I don’t drive anymore (eyes). I like my friend working from home. I like her being around at least 95% of the time. So I feel guilt because I don’t mind her not having a car. Stupid heart of mine.
I feel ready to trek to the grocery store, even get one of those little shopping cats that you see people you feel sorry for trundling home loaded down with their groceries.
I worry about the extreme expense of renting cars. I’m slightly relieved that her company (a non-profit) is paying for the rental car for her trip out of town that started today.
I’m sad as she was so happy with the car she found. It fir her and seemed as perfect for her as a used car could be. The crazy cool car lot has been remarkably chilled. She called them yesterday and told the salesman that she was having trouble with the bank. The salesman said no problem. He’d hold the car through today and if the problem continued he’d hold it longer. No request for a deposit. No pressure.
The lot had a sign up that said something about them being Christian and how they believed all their transactions were watched over by Christ. Cynically I thought it was just Right Wing propaganda. I guess I was wrong. Some people are sincere in their beliefs.
While we were at the car lot there was a bit of drama. A customer had taken a car out onto an unplowed road and rolled it into a ditch. The oner was out and there was a serious discussion as to what the manager should do: Call the police; give the customer a lecture; just get the car and forget about it; make them pay for repairs.
I was surprised that they gave each option equal weight. Our salesman said, after I told him I’d been eavesdropping, that the owner always believed in giving people “grace”.
I hope we can do business with these guys.
I don’t know.
I only know my friend is upset and I’m a bit of a loss as to what I can do to make it all better. Being helpless is not a good way to feel. I think it eats her up more than it does me and that makes it hurt worse for me.
The car situation is so overwhelming that it took the joy out of something I’d normally be pretty happy about. Its small. I managed to trade for the five Budd Boetticher/Randolph Scott westerns. They are all nothing less than excellent with two of them “The Tall T” and “Ride Lonesome” being two of the best westerns ever made.
Now they seem more like a distraction than a great find. I’ve watched them all for years on VHS tapes recorded from TV and lousy rips from those tapes.
Even something like this doesn’t cheer me up.
My puppy is sitting close to me. She wants me to be happy.