August 30, 2005
You people is writting to me too much!
I knows that I is a very great dog. I ONLY HAS FOUR PAWS! You keeps writing to me!
I understands why. I is smarter than anyone else.
I knows about a whole lot of things and I guess most of you don't know much of anything at all.
I is trying to help you but I is not getting enough times to sleep and play and fight. It is very important that I do this cause this is how I gets smarter.
When you thinks that David still makes me work all the time you can see I has got hardly anytime to eat.
Eating is also very important.
When I gets big I will probably be a very famous dog.
I is beautiful. I is smart. I is a great fighting dog. I is great doctor dog.
I will probably be famous no matter whats I decide to do.
You is all very lucky to knows me. Yes, that am true.
Maybe, just a little I is lucky to know you too.
You can writes to me.
August 29, 2005
I is working too hard
It were very hot today.
I had to keeps keeping David entertained. It were play play play. He never gets tired of my good games.
I understands that but he don't understands that I is only one dog and I sometimes has to sleep!
When he is out there throwing the ball and pulling the rope and making me jumps on him and chase him he never thinks, "Oh poor Shelby, she has worked so hard, she is ao good a girl that I will give her plenty of treats and lets her sleep."
So I just sleeps anyway!
Even though I is very very tired I tells you a joke I has made up.
You say: "Knock knock"
Then I says: "Who's there?"
You say: "Meow"
Then I says: "A cat! We don't want no cats here this am a dog house!"
You can laughs now.
August 28, 2005
I was very very busy today
Today I was 15 weeks old. it were David's birthday too but that is not very important compared to me.
We started the day by going for a very long walk. We walks maybe four thousand miles. We went to the store and I couldn't believe it. Some poopis head said that dogs were not allowed to come into his store!
David said, "If this place isn't good enough for dogs it's not good enough for me either." And he walked out! He did!
And I snuffed at him. I did! I went snuff and walked out very beautiful. I was actually proud of David for sticking up for dogs and asking peoples to put out water for a dog and stuff like that.
But you know what, stupid David lost his mobile phone. So after we gets home we had to go out and walks it all over again. We didn't find his phone but no one important calls me on it so I don't care.
Then we wents to a baseball game. At first they wasn't going to lets me in but I says I is Doctor Shelby his doctor dog. Then they says oh, we didn't know/ Comes right in Dr Shelby.
they made David buys me a under 12 ticket but I is 15 I tells them!
Baseball is very stupid and they is too many people watching it and not enoughs of them playing it.
They is very very slow. David says this am not the very best but minor leagues. I figure the very best teams all has dogs on them.
If I was playing I would be best baseball player ever. What I would do is when they throws the ball I would jumps up and catches it and then I would runs all the bases faster than anybody and everyone would be a home run!
Then everyone would cheer and shout, "Another home run for Shelby, she am the greatest dog in the world!" Cause I am!
It were a very good day but David wouldn't let little boys gives me any hot dogs!
Hot dogs smelled delicious. Cause I couldn't have no hot dogs I ate a spider. It were pretty good.
I had ANOTHER bath today
After all my swimming and finding good things to roll in David gives me another bath. I was mad!
When you is as beautiful as me it takes a long time to get yourself looking so good.
Now most of you wouldn't know this, cause I is the most beautiful dog in the world I has to deal with it everyday! Then David comes by with his shampoo and make me smell stupid.
I tries to explain this to him but when he gets a stupid idea in his head there am no reasoning with him. I was going to bites him but you can't bites people just cause they is stupid. Well, you can but then I would have to spend all my times biting peoples!
I has more important things to do.
You peoples can all write to me here now. Stupid David has at least got that fixed.
Some of you people has been sending me email asking me for advice. this is very smart of you cause there is nobody smarter than me.
Lucy in Chicago Childrens writes me and say: Shelby you are so smart and so beautiful. See, right away you can tell this is a very smart girl. Why aren't you on TV. Then I could watch you every day. I isn't on TV cause David is jealous and stupid. Sometimes I get scared and I wish I had a dog like you. If David is ever mean to you you can come live with me and I will give you all the hamburgers you could eat. I would be happy if you were my dog.
Hamburgers all the time is a very good thing. I has to take care of David though. He is so stupid I don't know what would happen to him without me. He worries me!
It is very smart to want to have the greatest dog in the world with you. When I has done all my doctoring school I will take you as a patient and try and come visit you. I know no other dog is so good as me but some comes very close. I is going to tell one of my fellow doctor dogs to come see you. They won't be so good as me but they will give me reports and I will make sure they dos a good job. Then when you gets well you has to gives me a treat or I will bites your butt!
August 26, 2005
I is too tired to write
I has been swimming all day!
There is nothing better after a hard days work then to gets into your swimming pool and have a good time.
You has probably figured out that I am the world's greatest swimming dog.
I don't know why David took so long getting my pool set up right!
I had a very good swim and I invented very many very good swimming games. But unless you is very smart like me you probably don't have no swimming pool.
I feel very sorry for you but I is very glad I has my pool.
After I has been swimming and rolling around to dry myself they was a football game!
I am a very great football playing dog. It were a High School game.
I was very embarrassed for them. THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY!
THEY DIDN'T! They runs around pretty good but instead of beating up the football they beat up each other instead.
When they throws the ball they is all very slow and then when one very slow boy catches the ball he runs away AND HE DON'T EVEN TEASE THEM!
I felt very sad for them but stupid David says I can't go teach them how to play the game good.
Sometimes I don't know what I is going to do with David. I keeps trying and trying but he never seems to learn nothing.
I could have helped them boys play the stupid game so much gooder but he doesn't want me to teach them.
I don't know what I'm going to do with him.
August 25, 2005
I don't know why David thinks I want a swimming pool?
He can be very silly.
I went to the doctor today so I don't be getting no worms in my heart. This is a very good idea.
Them worms is very bad which is why when I sees them on the ground I eats them up!
The worm medicine is very delicious. It taste like cows.
So I was talking doctoring business with Doctor Karen and she says, "You is looking so beautiful Doctor Shelby I thinks it would be a good idea to weigh you so that we will know what the perfect weight is for a dog."
I thinks this is a good idea too. So I gets on the scale and I weighs a perfect 24 pounds.
This is exactly the goodest weight for a dog.
Then David say, "24 pounds. Is that 3 pounds for her nose, 4 pounds for her ears and 17 pounds for her butt!"
I was so embarrassed for him. Me and Doctor Karen gives each other looks like doctors do when we meets someone who am so stupid.
So I bites him on his stupid butt!!
Yesterday I was so tired from inventing things and making up good jokes I has forgotten to tell you about my new game. It is a very good game. You can tell cause I is the one who invented it.
First you has to wait for Good Ol' Dog to get a good toy, then you has to be very fast and steals it.
You is not being bad girl cause you is not really stealing it!
You runs in real fast and borrow her toy. Good Ol' Dog is very selfish.
Then when she runs to chase you you has to run on the hard wood floors and just when she is about to catches you what you do then is turn very sharp and very fast.
She will try and turn too but cause she don't weigh a perfect 24 pounds she will go sliding into a chair or a table and she will gets yelled at!
So you has a good game and a good joke all at once!
August 24, 2005
Todays I goes into my swimming pool
It were very dangerous but I am ok.
I got my feets wet and then David cleaned out my ears! I asks him why is you cleaning my ears when it am my feets that is wet!
He no got no answer to that let me tell you!
I it am because of all of you that I has to be a doctor dog.
I don't want to go to no more classes! If all of you could just go and gets better then I could go and plays and fights.
I is a great fighting and playing dog and I will be a great doctor dog too. I knows all about playing and fighting and I knows all about doctoring but they says I has to graduate and gets a piece of paper.
I try to tell them I knows everything! Then they says if you knows everything where am my diploma?
So I tells them I eats it!
They didn't know what to say to that let me tell you.
So you all gets well then I can stop going to school!
August 23, 2005
I has got a swimmings pool!!
It am the worlds biggest swimming pool. It am very big and it have fishes all around it and it is filled with water! We wents to the store to get it and I was very excited and I was dancing cause David didn't breaks his promise and he gots me the biggest swimming pool you has ever seed.
When we gets home from work he fills it up with water and I is saying to the water, "You hurry up and gets filled so I can goes swimming. I was thinking how the other dogs in my new neighborhood is going to be jealous of me when they sees my big beautiful swimming pool! Then David says it is all ready.
I am very scared of it.
I likes swimming pools that am this big. This one is that big. And it has tall sides and I likes them so I can steps over into the water and I don't like it should move when I jumps in.
I is only 14 weeks old and I is thinking this pool is for a very big dog.
I likes to stand way far away so I can looks at the swimming pool and see if it does anything stupid.
If it does I will be ready for it though let me tell you!
I was at the store so I knows this am the best swimming pool but I'm thinking maybe I like one that am not the best but am better for little dogs which is what I am right now.
I has to say hellos to people who has writed me good letters. You should all write me good letters.
You can writes me good letters about important things like good food and how beautiful I is.
It is a stupid letter if you tells me to be nicer to David. I is plenty nice to him!
Thank you Susie in Alaska for telling me about liver, and thanks you Mare in Canada for saying how beautiful I is and telling me good jokes.
August 22, 2005
I can't believe how beautifuls I am
David says I am not supposed to tell people how beautiful I am but if I don't some people is too stupid to know it!
I is still very happy to be in my new house. Last night I says to myself that I should give David a nice present for bringing to my new house.
I lays all my toys out in front of me then I picks my pork chop, my elephant and my baby thing. I takes them over to David's bed and lies next to him and I takes the pork chop and squeaks its and plays David this beautiful song I has wrote. It am called, "You is not so good as hamburgers and frosty paws but I still kind of like you anyway." It is a very beautiful song cause I has wrote it.
Then I takes my squeaky elephant and I plays him another song I has wrote: "You is very stupid and you is hard to teach good stuff to." It is not so beautiful and about half way through it I forgets how it goes.
I see David is nearly asleep so I plays him my best song on my baby thing. It am a song that can make you cry. I is not playing the song now so you better not cry and you had better finish listening to the story I is telling you!
This is my best song so you know how goods it is. The song am "Hey stupid don't put them treats way up there, I can't reach them and I wants them all now!" I know. Even the title makes you all sad and stuff. You is probably going, poor poor Shelby not getting her treats.
David just yells, "Shelby knock off that racket!"
David don't understand good music let me tell you!
So today at work I beats him up real good. I figure if I bites him enough he will learn to hear good music and be quiet when I is playing him lullabies.
August 21, 2005
I LOVES my new house
Mainly it m great because it is MY house. See me smiling? That is cause I is very happy EVEN IF I DON"T HAVE NO SWIMMING POOL!
We did goes and looks at two stores and they said they is all sold out. I tries to tell them to call someone who bought one and makes them bring it back for me but they wouldn't!
What am really good about my house is that there is room for David to stay here too. There is a good park 4 blocks away where I can takes him. Today we only went on the one big trail but there are plenty others I can take him on where there is trees and stuff like that.
I don't know why but he likes stuff like that.
My house has a very big yard but there am a fence. I don't know if I likes the fence cause now I can't see throughs it.
I has worked very hard today. It was very very hot and my tongue was hanging out really far.
But now I is home and I is happy.
August 20, 2005
Tonight is the last night in my old home
I is such a sophisticated traveler. I has traveled all over the world. I has been born in Ohio and traveled all the way from there to here.
It is no wonder I is so wonderful.
But I has lived here for a month and I will miss the old place. Tomorrow I will bees in my new home with my new yard and my new room. It will be so very nice.
BUT DAVID DIDN'T GETS ME NO SWIMMING POOL!
I is so mad. He says that they has sold out of good swimming pools every place he has gone too.
I is such a good little dog and I never never asks for anything at all. BUT I WANTS MY SWIMMING POOL!
He is so stupid. He should have given them a kajillion dollars so his dog could be happy but he am so stingy he just says, "Oh you got no swimming pools, well I guess Shelby just don't needs no swimming pool.
Sees that picture? That am me biting his leg.
I know! You is saying, "oh Shelby, you is so beautiful. We never ever knowed you could be so scary and mean."
All I can tells you is that am what happens when you promises a little dog a swimming pool and then tells her 4 stores has not gots them.
I knows I has four legs so that means he didn't looks at all!
And today I taught him a great new game I invents. I calls it untying David's shoe. That way he gets them tied good and tied right cause until I shows him how easy they was to untie he just tied them any old stupid way.
I don't know. I works and I works and I gets nothing at all. I don't ask for nothing I just the goodest little dog and so so beautiful. I sings to him. Iwashes his face but all he do is not get his sweet little dog a little somthing like a swimming pool.
I feel sorry for someone who is so stingy and mean that he don't cares to see how happy he could makes a little dog. It am very very sad for him. He never see the happy face of a happy dog.
I'S NOT SAD! If I was just a little bit taller I could bites him on his butt!
August 19, 2005
Yesterday I got a new collar
I makes it look very beautiful. David says it am red and I says I don't care cause I can't see color!
I was supposed to go to puppy class yesterday. I was starting to drive us there and I was thinking real hard that I don't want to go to doctor school and puppy class and learn to be good all the time. I was wishing real hard. And you know what?
I broke the car!
David is so stupid that he thinks it broke itself so don't you tell on me! I pretended that I really wanted to go to puppy school but I was thinking oh boy! David thinks the battery was dead but I knows better.
So don't you tell on me!
I didn't have to go to puppy class! But they has sent me homework, as if I don't have enoughs to do!
I invented a very good game today.
I makes David run then if I catches him he has to gives me a treat.
This is a very good game cause I always catch him! He had to give me some very good treats today.
Then I was showing him I no needs puppy class so I invented another game!
In this one David has to go hide and then when I finds him he has to give me a treat!
He is very easy to find so I gets lots more treats.
I is going to have to think up many more games like this let me tell you.
We is moving soon so I has to help David do that.
I don't know what he would do if I wasn't helping him. He keeps putting things in the wrong boxes so I has to take them out. We do this all night. It makes me very tired but I is a good dog so I don't stops until I has inspected everything and made sure it is in the right box.
After all my work he had better not be joking about me getting a swimming pool at the new house! I don't think it is right that a big people should break a promise to a good little dog so if I don't gets my swimming pool I is going to bite his butt!
August 17, 2005
Poor Kaia got beaten up today
Beaten up by me!
I was very busy today. David had to go see some people doctors. As his doctor dog I had to invent a good game for him to play. I invents "Helping David get dressed." It is a very good game cause I has invented it.
When David goes to put on his pant's you has to pull on one leg until he manages to ties them on. Then is the best part. When he puts on his socks first you has to help him do that by biting the floppy end and pulling to so he gets it on straight. There are TWO socks so you takes the other one really fast and then you chews it up so it am good and soft and wet for him!
David don't likes this game but it is best game for him. I knows what is best for him.
So after we goes to work we goes to see these Doctors. They all knows I is best doctor for him. I don't think they are very smart doctors. They don't know nothing about biting people's butts.
I tells them David is my patient and I knows what is best for him, they talks and talks so I goes to sleep.
Then we comes home and I goes and beats up Kaia.
You can tell how good a doctor I is because this time david didn't mess up the pictures so you can see just how poor little Kaia got beaten up. You might want to cry for poor Kaia. She was beaten up very bad.
I not cry for her. I is laughing! It were so much fun!
August 16, 2005
It were stupid hot today
And stupid david made Good Ol' Dog and me go to work!
We was all very crabby.
It were fun being mean to each other!
We were just beings a little mean not big means. Like Good Ol' Dog made up a very bad game, it were called "Lets watch Shelby play with a toy and then steals it from her!"
I did not likes this game let me tell you.
And then we has a very very nice and cool room to sleep in but mean David says we has to go outside to go to the bathroom.
And then he makes us work and it were so hot that the ground could hurts your feets, but he don't care he just keeps us poor dogs working.
I bet he is getting rich from all the work I has to do! I bet he is getting rich and buying hisself good treats while I gets nothing!
Finally we gets to go home and it were still so hot. I is a black dog and it gets very warm under my coat. My coat is very soft and beautiful but today I just wanted to takes it off and be naked!
Then I thinks that I is so beautiful with my silky black fur and when you is as great and beautifuls as me sometimes you has to be a little bitty bit uncomfortable.
Then when I was sleeping some people come to the house. I was interested cause they is talking about my new house. I can't waits to get there cause I will have a swimming pool!
August 15, 2005
Today I invented a new game
In this picture I am eating a dinosaur bone.
I did not actually go out and catch this dinosaur but I knows a dinosaur bone when I is eating one. This dinosaur bone was gived to me by Ben and Robin who must be very very rich to have an extra dinosaur bone to sends to the greatest dog in the world!
This is a dinosaur foots bone. The part I is chewing on is the dinosaur toe. It is very delicious.
You may have noticed that it was not David who gives me this cause he never gives me nothing good!
I has invented a great game. It is very good cause I has invented it.
It is called "Find The Treasure"!
You can pretend to be a pirate. I just pretends to be Shelby cause nothing is better than being me and I is a great pirate.
You looks around and around and then when you sees something that looks very very interesting you jumps up and knocks it down. Then you must very carefully go through EVERYTHING until you find something delicious!
David is so stupid. He says "Shelby don't go through the garbage!"
I tells him it is not garbage it is treasure. He has throwed it away but I tries to show him their are many delicious treats there .
You listen to me and not to David. this is a very good game and very fun to play.
It is a much better game than David's game: football.
I has a football and it is very easy to play. See me there. A football is so easy to beat up. I don't know why people wants to watch it on TV.
I is going to be a football player and people will pay me money to play football and when they see how easy it is to beats up that football they will gives me even more money and I will use it to buy me biggerdinosaur bone and then I will share some with you BUT only if you is nice to me.
August 14, 2005
Today was a great day but David messed up my pictures
Today was a wonderful day. I beats up my friend Kaia!
Kaia am much bigger than me. When we started she was beatings me up pretty good. She body slammed me and holds me down but then I says my secret word and I turns into Moonlite's Be Bop Deluxe and I gots real fast and real strong and I is already very smart. I beats her up.
Then we goes to a forest and you know what? I swums a river!
And then you knows what?
I climbed a mountain!
It is true but stupid david he says, "Oh Shelby, my camera has runned out of batteries and all them great pictures of you am RUINED!!
I was so shocked I says but "Those Canadian boys needs to see the greatest dog in the world and the little girl in hospital she gets worried if she no see me beats up Kaia! And when they sees that Shelby can swims mighty rivers and climbs giant mountains they will know that even if a little dogs can do this then so can theys!"
And stupid picture ruiner David says it weren't a river it were a stream and it weren't a mountain it were only some rocks.
Then I understands. David is thinking if peoples see just how great I is they will steals me and sells me to him for a kajillion million twenty treats! So he says I had better never let anyone see these pictures. I had better ruin them!
Cause I'll bet you if some bad peoples did steal me and ask David for a kajillion million twenty treats he is so stingy he wouldn't pays them for me!
That would be stupid cause I is the greatest dog in the world and today I am thirteen weeks old!
Sometimes I see myself and I thinks I is so beautiful
I don't reads real good. People words are stupid and dog words are very easy. You should learns to speak dog.
I was trying to read my medal. It was very hard until I stand in the mirror. Then I see that it has letters., Cause I is the greatest dog in the world I figured them letters stands for Shelby bEbop Is Beautiful And Ravishing. They spelled BeBop wrong but I forgives them cause people is stupid.
When David and I go to work today it was very hard. And after work we had to go look for a new place to live!
We looked at some places but I tells David they is terrible! He is stupid but he is smart enough to listen to his dog.
Then we comes to a house and a lady opens the door and she has a dog with her. The dog has a big bandage on her head and a funny hat around her neck!
The funny dog starts yelling at me and Good Ol' Dog. She is saying don't you comes here beautiful dog. I is protecting this house!
I tell David we has to get out of here cause that dog is going to bite us on our butts! David walks up and starts petting this dog! At least I has taught him to be brave!
He talks to the lady and you'll never guess.
That funny bandaged up dog was living in my new house!
It is a very nice house and has a very good yard and when we moves in I will gets a swimming pool!!
Swimming pools is very important to great dogs.
And Good Ol' Dog is going to live with me too. But I'm not letting her use my swimming pool!!
Well, maybe sometimes when she is nice to me. She was mean to me today. She wouldn't let me drives the car at all!
When we moves we will have beautiful pictures of the worlds greatest dog in her swimming pool.
August 12, 2005
This is important diet stuff
David wokes me up so he could finally takes a picture of my beautiful medal! You can see it is very special and only the very greatest dogs in the world can wear them.
It is ok if you is very very jealous.
I has to tell you something important. The best foods in the world for a dog is Frosty Paws. The very best next food is hamburgers!! They is very delicious and has all the vitamins and junk a dog needs to be very very happy.
If all I ever has to eat was hamburgers and Frosty Paws I would be so great that I would walks around with my nose high in the air and never notice nothing!
I will tells you a very important secret. Now I would not do this cause I is a very good dog but if I wasn't then what you can do is when you see somebody walking and they is carrying a big plateful of hamburgers you could accidentally trips them so they drops all them hamburgers. Then if you is really really fast you can eats all of them! But that would be a very bad dog and I would never ever do that. I was just inventing and I thinks it would work. But you has to be very very fast.
Wait a minute
Somes of you has written to me and says you wants me to come visit you in the hospital. This am very smart of you.
I is a very good doctor dog but they won't let me comes to see you until I has done more school! I keeps telling them I knows everything but they say I is just a therapy dog in training.
They is stupid and they is jealous. That is too bad.
I will do the stupid training even if there is too much of it. You had better not be faking cause if you is faking I will bite you on your butt!
Today was a very hard day. I had to go to work with Good Ol' Dog. We didn't catch any lizards today but we caught us 3 spiders! Spiders is very ugly and very dangerous so David was lucky to have him us dogs there to catches them. I was going to eat one but David stopped me so I can no tell you if they is delicious.
After all my hard work David make me go to the doctors. Doctor Karen is very nice but she no so good a doctor as me.
I was very scared going to the doctor but I never show it. When you is really really scared then you has to just get up and do things.
Doctor Karen poked me in my butt. She did it three times! It hurt very very bad but I never cried cause I is very brave and she gives me a cookie.
I don't know why she keeps poking me in my butt but then she blows something into my nose so I sneezes all over the place! I thought that was a very good joke!
They says I weighs 19.2 pounds now. David says it is all in my ears and in my butt! MY EARS IS NOT BIG AND MY BUTT IS NOT FAT! Doctor Karen says my weight is just perfect! That is why she is a very good doctor.
I was so goods at the doctor they give me a medal! Stupid David takes my picture with it but he didn't get the medal in it!
When I is doctoring you guys I will give you plenty of medals. Then everyone can see that you has the best doctor dog and that you is very brave.
Then I had to go to puppy school. David says I has to so I can be doctor dog.
Puppy school was stupid.
They was a whole lot of dogs there and you know what? Some of them was saying they is the greatest dog in the world!
I know! Everyone knows I is the greatest dog in the world!
I didn't like them dogs so I stayed close to David. I played a little with one dog but mainly I fells asleep and David had to do most of the learning.
He didn't learn much cause he am still very stupid.
August 10, 2005
You people don't listen good
People you has to stop asking me why I hate David.
I don't hates David. He is very stupid I agree but I don't hates him!
10 Reasons I Don't Hates David
Today I didn't have to go to work. I got to stay home and plays with my toys. You can see me eating my cow toe in the picture. I has ate out all the cow but the toes nail is still very good. Then when David comes home from works he makes Good Ol' Dog and me walks around an ENTIRE LAKE! It was very good.
There was this big machine that was tearing up the ground and shaking all the trees.
I watched it very carefully. I asked David what it is and he says it is a caterpillar. That is very stupid. I has seen caterpillars and they is bugs you can pushes around with your nose! This thing was much to big to be that. So I just sighed and kept walking. I wonder whats he is taking me to school for when he don't know nothing.
So I takes a little nap because I is not big yet and I has little feets so I has to walk very fast to stay in front of the big guys.
He wakes me up and makes me go out again!
This time we walks almost as far as Canada! It was avery nice trail through the woods but there was all these people I has never seen before.
We comes to some store and one of the stores had a place for dogs to drink and then David goes inside and gets us Frosty Paws!!!
I tell him this is the greatest store in the world and we should comes here all the time!
But we has to keep walking back.
I tells David my feet is now 2 inches shorter and I wants to grow up to be big girl.
He wants me to be a nub!
Tomorrow he says will be a big day. I has to go to the vets at 3 and then I has to go to school at 8!!
I can't do all that!
August 9, 2005
Here am some stupid pictures
David has taken these and they is terrible but they is still very good cause I am in them!
August 8, 2005
Here is a joke I made up for you!
Why does a dog wear red suspenders?
So he can bites you on your butt!
See it am a trick joke cause dogs doesn't wear pants so we don't need suspenders and cause you is so stupid to think we does you deserves to be bit!
You can stop laughing now.
The picture over there is of me at work. You can see my job is very very hard.
Today I had to chase two lizards but I don't paid extra for that. And I saw a muskrat.
They is very dangerous animals and they move very slow. I yelled at him, "Hey muskrat, you want to fight me!"
And the muskrat don't say nothing, he just walk along very slow.
Then it starts to rain.
Rain is very good. it makes some very nice puddles for a dog to plays in.
I invents a new game today. First you get all wet and then you runs up behind David and grabs on to him!
David don't like this game becasue he is very terrible at it.
Then you won't believe what I got.
I thought it was a dinosaur toe but it weren't. It were a cow toe and I think it still had some cow in it.
That am a picture of me eating it!
See how big it is! See how tiny my toes is. A cow must be bigger than a dinosaur adn they toes is very delicious and good for a dog. I is going to catch me a whole cow some day and then I might let you have one of they toes.
Then I drives us home from work and has a very good dinner.
Then David wants to play his stupid game - Stay Shelby. It is a very stupid game.
I say I don't want to play. And just like that I invented a new game! "Try and Catch me!" It is a very good game but you shouldn't play it too much.
David is calling "Shelby, come here!" but I just keeps dancing away and laughing!
The David does catch me and he puts me in jail! It were very terrible and I was going to cry but then I gets out of jail and David don'ts pays any attention to me! That were more terrible.
I got even though. When we went out for our walk I makes him run!
August 7, 2005
Today I Is 12 weeks old
to celebrate how old and dignified I has become, I has still stayed beautiful too you know, I has made up some rules:
NO MORE BATHS!
David has to share his treats better
I is to get a baby lizard so I can grows it up to be a smart dinosaur
To start my day I let David sleep very late, almost 5:30 in the morning!
My friend Kaia is ups and she say, "Shelby you is looking so dignified today! You must be 12 weeks old!"
I tells her that am so and she asks me to tell her a joke!
I couldn't think of no real good jokes right away and while I am thinking of one she does a great joke! There is a tiny hole in her fence and she squeezes through it and says, "Surprise Shelby! I is going to chase you!"
I tells Kaia, "Oh no you isn't! I is going to chase you!"
Then Kaia's people comes and they chase her all over the place. It was very good fun!
Then I crawls under the deck and makes David crawl in after me cause I got scared cause I couldn't figure out how to get back out. This is very good excsercise for him.
Then we had dinosaur toes! David said it am puppy pizza but I knows a dinosaur toe when I smells one! Maybe pizza is a stupid word for dinosaur toes!
I gots a new toy. It is a very good toy. It is a piece of rope and the rope dances around and you has to catch it! Then you has to stop it from dancing around.
The stupid cats who lives here but who won't play with a dog is trying to pretend that this am there toy. As if anyone would makes a real good toy like this for cats!!
I plays with this very good.
Then we went for a walk. The only part I like about walks is when we is coming home!
I don't like new things too good.
I is trying cause I is very very brave. I will talks to people but I wants them to be where I knows them.
This way if any of them is bad people I will know right away where to hide David so I can protects him good. So we walked and I saw a big bird called a goose. It made a noise at me!
We saw people on bicycles and some people who was running. I only knows they is running cause they is moving very very slow but they is still moving faster than David!
I has to work tomorrow. That am very very stupid but I has to makes money so I can gets a big dog to bites people I tells it to!
August 6, 2005
I is very mad today!
Today I goes to work. I was looking for spiders and lizards when David says to me, "Shelby, you are old enough to have a bath."
I was thinking O BOY! cause I thinks that a bath is a very special treat for big dogs.
So we gets home and David starts playing with the hose.
If you don't know a hose is what water comes out of. Playing with the hose is a very good game. Not so good a game as having a swimming pool but it is a very good game.
We is playing then he grabs me and holds me down and puts this terrible smelly stuff all over me!
It smelled like flowers!! It were terrible and I was smelling very good cause I found a dead frog that morning and rubs it all over me. there is not much that smells better than dead frog let me tell you!
It puts this terrible smelly stuff on me and then he rubs me and rubs me. I is a young lady dog and a man should not be rubbing me all over like that with smelly stuff that makes foam!
Then he gets smarts and gets the hose and washes all that terrible stuff off me, but I still smells like flowers.
I jumps on David and tells him, "I is not a flower, I is a dog!"
And he say,"You has put on weight Shelby and it am all in your ears!"
This is how terrible I looked after his stupid bath!
Even though I look terrible I is still beautiful.
AND MY EARS ARE NOT TOO BIG!!
So now I is going to tell on David!
Now that I is almost 12 weeks old I is bigger and can see stuff better.
David has a drawer and it is full of treats! All the treats in the world must be in there and every morning David fills up the worlds biggest bag with all them treats!
He never gives me none. He will tell you that he gives me treats but I only gets these tiny tiny not even a mouthfuls.
I know that he eats all them treats himself!
And here I is the greatest dog in the world and I is so poor and hungry. It am sad. And he gets to eat all them good treats and he don't need no treats at all cause he is big and I is little.
He is very selfish.
But I is not mad he is so selfish. I feels sorry for him cause he is so big and the only things he can do is be mean and stingy to a beautiful littles dog. I feels so sorry for him.
NO I DON'T! He should be givings me treats all the time!! And he shouldn't gives me no baths ever again!
We went to the library today. It is a stupid place. they has no treats there at all just dumb things called books and if you chews on them David gets all mad at a girl.
August 4, 2005
People is stupid
Did you know that some peoples don't think I is the greatest dog in the world?
I know, I couldn't believes it either, but some people is stupid.
Some people even likes cats!
Today I had no adventures. It is hard to believe all of this but it am true. I had no big adventures.
It were a very dull day.
I chewed the knuckle off my nylabone. That were very interesting. I is sharpening my teeth and making my mouth really really strong so I can bites people real gooder.
Then I brokes a plastic cup into very tiny pieces cause it tickles my teeth!
I was going to make up a new game for you but you people just keeps writing to me but you never sends me no treats!
Then I thought I'd tell you some of the good jokes I has made up, but I is thinking you don't comes to play with me why should I gives you good jokes!
Then I thinks I tell my friend Kaia a good joke.
It were a very good joke. Here am a picture of Kaia laughing at my good jokes
See, she is very lucky. She is my friend. We plays together and she is bigger than me but she can't catch me cause I am the greatest dog in the world!
August 3, 2005
I is now a doctor!
I had to wears a red and white doctor's coat. That is so stupid people will know it am okay to comes ask me to helps them.
The paper says I am a doctor dog in training.
I is not going to school though. I knows all about doctoring.
I think that if you are not feelings good it would makes you feel much better to pet a dog then to see a people.
That am my advice and cause I is a doctor dog you has to do it or I call you bad boy and then I can bites you on the butt for you own good!
I is going to likes being a doctor dog.
I doctored david very good. When we goes to hospital I tells him; "Lets get out of here!"
I tries to tell him but he don't listen.
They poked him in his butt! I tried not to laugh but it were very hard not to. I gived him good medicine though and lets him rub my ears.
Then this nurse had to holds my leash. I thought nurses had to listen to doctors but she wouldn't let me in the room with David.
I was scared for him so I yelled and the nurse she say, "Shh!"
She don't understand so I yell "David" again! And David comes out becasue he knows I is smarter than him and he pets my head and says I is good girl.
He is gone for a while and I waits very good and very quiet. He don't look to good when he comes out but I knows how to fix that. I drives us home and I drives us very fast!
That am good for him.
When we gets home I see my neighbor friend Kaia and I goes to make her play. This is very good medicine for david. I is always thinking of my patients.
Then Good Ol' Dog comes and asks me what's going on and I tells her she is not great dog like me so she would never understand important stuff likes I knows. She asks me for a cookie!
Then I comes in and takes a nap while these people comes over and the black box that makes a noise and David yells at it goes on and then I writes this!
Now I am making david goes to sleep and he has to listen to me.
I has a piece of paper that says I is special dog and he has to do what I say.
August 2, 2005
You won't believe this!
David has just told me.
I have to go to school!
I has to work for no money. I has to do stupid sit stay and now I has to learn stuff!
I has told him. I don't has to learn nothing.
I know everything!
If I gets any smarter my head would blow up. But he says "Shelby, you have to go to school so you can grow up to be a great big good dog!"
He is stupid. I is already a great big good dog, but he don't care!
Yesterday we played tugs of war. He won every time because he cheated. I knows he cheated cause it am impossible for me to lose! I never lose so he cheats.
I think he is sending me to school to learn how to be a cheater.
He say, "Shelby there will be other nice puppies there for you to play with and meet!"
I don't need a date!
I is mad!
Still I is such a good girl I has invented another very good game for you. It is called I'm the boss!
What you has to do is pretend to be David, see. You has to pretend to be all bigger and talks really loud. Then you has to get Jasmine to pretend to be Shelby.
It is very hard to pretend to be me cause I is so great so Jasmine never ever gets it right.
Then you takes a dogs leash, who is pretending to be me, and walks them around where they don't wants to go. When pretend Shelby goes to look at something good you has to say, NO! real stupid and real loud and then pulls the leash the other way.
It is a very good game.
It looks like my Uncle Hank is going to be okay. He is a very good dog and I bet he never had to go to no stupid school.
I am being quiet
My Uncle Hank had an operation today.
He better be okay.