September 30, 2005
This am the most beautiful songs in the world
Cause I has writed it down.
I was beating David playing football. He is way to slow so every time I gets the ball I scores a touchdown! And cause he am so slow he never gets the ball so I always wins a kajillion to nothing!
I has been running pretty hard casue even if I is playing David I still plays my hardest just in case I ever has to plays against somebody good, so I says, "Dave," just like that, I says, "Dave, I thinks we should celebrate and have some ice cream.
And you know what he says? You won't believes it. He says, "No."
Just like that, "No!"
He makes me so mad.
So I writes a song about it.
You is probably going to cry cause it am very beautiful. If you has heard me sing it I knows you would be crying.
You is so beautiful
You is cold and creamy too
I loves you
Now dries you eyes cause I has to sing some moreIce cream
You always makes me happy
Vanilla is the very best
I loves you
If I was rich I'd buy everybody some
It has vitamins too
I love yoooooooouuuuuu
I love yooooooouuuuu
You can stop crying now. I is finished.
It would be a very good idea if you was to take all your extra ice cream and puts it in the mail to me.
I will go wait for it now.
You better send it. It is a very bad idea to break your promise to a fighting dog like me!
September 28, 2005
Just cause I can beats you up
that don't mean I is not a lady!
Today David went off and got his doctoring to him done.
HE FORGOT TO TAKES ME!
So we has to go back later so I can work on my doctoring.
Dr J was very glad to see me. I is probably the only smart person she gets to talk to.
We talked about doctoring for a while and David says that doctoring doesn't mean I should bites him.
All Dr J and I can do is look at each other and shake our heads. Neither of us can understand why we puts up with David when he is just so stupid.
If I wasn't there taking care of him all the times I don't know what he do.
Then I has to go and see my patients.
Dr J she reads me their charts and then I tells her what is wrong with them.
I is a great doctor dog cause I was never wrong.
Not even once!
What were funny is that all my patients needed the same medicine!
They all needed to pets a dog on her pretty head!
It were amazing! And they all gots better!
So I forgots to tell you that I has got a present!
It am another medal saying I is the greatest dog in the world.
Stupid david was supposed to takes a picture of it but he messed it up.
I'll make it him do it so you can see it. It is very valuable.
I has to tell you something
I is so beautiful that sometimes you forgets that I is very very tough.
I is a fighting dog. I can't helps it. It am just the way I am. I is mean.
It is a good thing I no gets angry cause if I dids then there would be nothing left standing. You would be saying, "Is there a bomb going off here?"
Then they would answer, "Oh no, it am just Shelby being mad!"
Oh I can get terribles mad. I is so scary. I can't helps it. I was born a fighting dog and since I is the greatest dog in the world you knows I is the best fighting dog too.
I tells you what makes me mad and then you can be carefuls not to do these things.
David not giving me treats all the time!
Oh, that makes me so mad!
People being means to kids!
I is a kid and I won't stands for peoples being mean to me and my buddies.
You is my friends so if peoples is mean to you you just tell them that a natural born fighting dog am your friend and he will come and bites you very very hard.
I is bad sometimes. I has to be! But when I is bad nobody am real means to me. David he just call me bad girl but I just laughs!
You is my friends so you is never bad girls. No one can be means to you.
If you get punished for being bad girl it should just be so you knows not to be having so much fun you vould gets hurts.
Did I say not getting treats makes me mad?
That am about it.
It am a good thing I is such a sweet girl cause I is a terrible natural born fighting dog!
I can't helps it! I just is!
September 25, 2005
Today I has invented a delicious food
It am Frosty Paws and Lamb!
It is very very good.
This is not a picture of me! This is my friend Ben.
Now Ben is very sick.
I is going to explain it to you but you might not understand everything I is saying cause I is talking doctor talk. It am okay. You can't be as smart as me you know.
Now Ben am very sick. He have allergies!
Allergies is very bad! They is worse than cats!
I know you is thinking nothing can be worse than cats! So now you now how bad these allergies am.
Ben am lucky though cause I has said I will be his doctor.
The best ways to cure allergies is to beats them up! Ben am very far away or I would beats them up for Ben.
So Ben has to beats himself up. You see allergies am so bad cause they lives inside a dog! I KNOW! Can you believes it!
So Ben has to beats himself up. See then when them allergies gets all tired of being beatsed up they has to run away. They comes out of you nose.
Then when they is all scared and running out of Ben's nose he has to jumps up high and lands on them and bites them very hard!
Ben has listened to me so now he am all healthy. His mom thinks it am drops and pills that has made him gooder but Ben's and I knows it were Dr Shelby who am me!
I Is tired now.
September 22, 2005
Today I goes to the doctor
I decides I has to tell dr Karen something.
I starts by telling her a joke I invented.
It is good to tell peoples jokes cause when they is laughing you can steals they food. I mean you could if you was a bad girl.
I says, "What did one cats says to the other cat?"
Dr Karen says, "I don't know Shelby."
Then I says, "Who cares they is just stupid cats!"
So we is laughing pretty good. Then I says, "Karen." I says it just like that, "Karen."
"We is both doctors so I knows you is not stupid. Karen their is something you can do to be a better doctor."
Karen says, "What is that Dr Shelby?"
I says, "Stop poking me in my butt!"
And you know what. She didn't!
She says I is perfect.
I says, "I knows that!"
I now weighs 28.8 pounds and that am a perfect weight for a dog. I shouldn't weighs no less than that so if David is out there tellings people I is fat you just tells him he is stupid! I IS NOT FAT! MY EARS ARE PERFECT! MY BUTT IS NOT TOO BIG!
And that am just so!
September 21, 2005
I hates leashes!
They stops a girl from going where she has to go!
Today we does a lot of walking. We stopped once and got us some pizza. Pizza is very good foods and you should all gives me some of yours.
On one of the walks I has to go to doctor school. It was not good. They takes David away so I starts fighting them!
I didn't fights really but I did do lots of yelling! I keeps telling them that David will gets into trouble without his dog! I is a doctor dog and I knows these things!
Dr J finally has to tell them to let me sees him. I can talks to Dr J cause she am a doctor like me. We went and visited sick kids.
I tells them that I think theys is faking being sick and that I is going to bites them on they butts.
I wasn't going to bites them but I is figuring like this: If they is faking they hears me and they says, "Oh, no! Dr Shelby is going to bites me!" and they gets up and runs away.
If they is really sick they would say, "Oh Dr Shelby, you is too nice a dog to bite a poor sick girl!" Then we knows they is really sick and can starts making them better.
I talks to 4 patients. You know what? they was all really sick!
I consulted with Dr J and while we was discussing doctoring things David says "Maybe you'd like to pet Shelby? Would that make you feel better?"
Dr J and I just looks at each other, David is so stupid.
It is the medicine I was going to make her takes but he don't understand that before we does that we has to talks about very serious so people thinks we is good doctors.
I is a great doctor and all four of my patients is feeling much gooder.
I thinks that I will sees them again and gets them all well next time.
Tomorrow I has to see Dr Karen so she can tell me my ear is all good!
You peoples wants too much from me I is just a little dog!
I got some new toys today cause I is so great. I gots apig bone! A hedge hog! And a tiger. I beats them all up!
I also did a sit stay for 90 seconds! It was very hard and it was terrible but I did it!
Which am why I can't understands why you peoples wants me to spend every day writing you good stuff to reads.
I understands that everything else am pretty boring next to me but I IS TOO BUSY!
I has a lots to do so sometimes I has to say, "Shelby, you has thought up so many good jokes and you has invented so many grat games you should just rest!"
But I can't.
I has to climbs up on the chair and talks at the computer so you will have something goods to read.
AND YOU DON'T GIVES ME NOTHING!
That is very bad of you.
This is what I has to do EVERY DAY:
5:30 - Wakes up David 6:00 Nap 8:00 Breakfast 9:00 Drives stupid david to Work! 9:30 Work 9:32 Play 10:00 Nap 1:00 Lunch 1:30 Play 2:00 Nap 6:00 Drives David Home 6:30 Dinner 7:00 Beats up Good Ol' Dog 9:30 Treats 10:00 Go to sleep!
I can't believes how busy I is!
So next time I can't find the time to talk to the stupid computer you just now I has been doing very important stuff!
September 19, 2005
I is very sorry I has insulted peoples
cause David tooks away my treats and says I has to apologize.
I is sorry I has called you stupid.
When I is so smart I should not laugh at peoples who am not so smart as me.
I is sorry my brother Jimmy is so silly looking. I means I is sorry I says he is so silly looking.
I is very lucky to has a nice brother. At least david says that and he may be stupid but he has very good treats.
If I has to apologize to anymore people I will scream!!
Today I makes up a very good game.
David drives in the golf cart and I chases him!
I is very fast so it is very easy for me t catches it.
David says this is bad girl. I think he is just feeling stupid cause I is so much faster than him.
He say I could get hurts chasing cars and stuff. So I asks him has you ever seed what happens when I catches the car?
He has to say no.
then I says then how you knows I get hurt!
That am good logic.
He got nothing to say to that let me tell you!
So I has decided:
You should save that sorry up for when I has to be bad again.
September 17, 2005
I saw a man who stood inside a can up in the sky!
I don't know what he was doing there! He says that I is very beautiful and I says, "I knows that! Why is you inside a can?"
But he don't answers cause I think he is too stupid to understand dog. But he must be very brave cause he was up high enough to catch one of them birds!
Work today was hard cause after I finished one jobs I has to drive David and this other guy over to help someone move.
Everybody knows dogs is the best drivers and since I is the best dog in the world you knows I is the best driver!
I was eating my treats that I makes David gives to me and I says to this other guy, "you has to drive for a minute," and you know what happened?
He drives us into a ditch!
It were much fun. A big truck has to come and pull us out! I tries to tell them that I is very strong and I can drives that car out of that ditch! But nobody listens to me. They is all stupid!
Then David takes this picture of me after he gives me my stupid medicine and washed my face. I was so mad about this I goes and looks at the presents my grandma Julie gives me.
They is shirts and I bets they is worth 2 kajillion treat EACH! When I is on Superhero business I is going to wear them. One is very nice when it is warm and the others is very nice when it am cold.
You know why they is worh two kajillion treats each?
Cause they gots my picture on it!
It's true! Looks!
I know you is saying, "Oh, Shelby. That am so beautiful. It is only good they puts your picture on a shirt."
I bet you wish you had one of these so you could pretends to people that you is my friend.
You can't buy them! I has the only ones in the world. I won't let David wears them either. He just stretches them out or spills something on them or something stupid.
September 15, 2005
Outside is better than inside
Cause nobody gets mad at a dog for going to the bathroom outside.
My brother Jimmy has sent me these pictures. IT AM ME! I can't believes how beautiful I was when I was a baby.
I is just so cute. You can tell I is going to be the greatest dog in the world all the way back then.
I understands why all you peoples wants to be my friend. I is just so beautiful. It am true.
Now Jimmy he keeps saying he am going to bites me on my butt!
I knows! I couldn't believes it.
You has to look at this picture.
See that kind of goofy looking dog in the front? You won't believes it but that am my brother Jimmy!
I know you is thinking, "Oh Shelby! How did a beautiful girl like you ends up with such a silly looking brother?!" I don't know. I think he was adopted.
Now that beautiful dog up in the corner? That am me!
And you see what I is going to do? I IS GOING TO BITE MY BROTHER ON HIS BUTT!
Even then I was a gooder butt biter than Jimmy!
And look at this!
That sad doggie is JIMMY! If I didn't knows him all my life I would feels sorry for him. But I do know him! And if ever a dog needs his butt bit it am him!
I bet he am begging for food!
I is sorry you is not beautiful Jimmy. I really am.
NO I'M NOT!
September 13, 2005
Yesterday I was very very sick
I had yukky stuff coming out of me from both ends. A bug bites me on the nose and I gots a bump there too.
It were great! I throws up all my food. I has never gots to see food that was inside of me outside of me. It was very interesting.
David said a nice girl dog shouldn't go poking in that stuff. I says, "I is a nice elegant young lady dog and you shouldn't be wiping stuff off my butt!"
That is called logic and when you use logic it is very easy to win against David.
I was having side effects to my vaccination. My Gramma Julie tells David 4 days after my shot I would get sick and I did!
Because I is so tough I not get that sick!
See there is a picture of me beating up Good Ol' Dog. I beats her up better and better cause I is so tough.
There is a picture of my poor ear. I has a yeast infection. Yeast is what they use to make bread. I is thinking we should take all that yeast, makes us some bread and sells it then we gets rich!
David says no. that am why we is poor cause he is so stupid.
I has to have medicine in my ear twice a day and twice a week he has to wash out my ears.
It is terrible but I don't cry!
I don't cry cause I don't have to takes no bath! So today we was walking in the rain and I finds all kinds of things to sit in and roll in and I is smelling so beautiful and there is nothing nobody can do about it!
September 11, 2005
I has been so busy
That is my Uncle Hank. My gramma and grampa come to see me Saturday. they bought Uncle Hank. I is sad to see them go.
I can tell that they all wants me go back home and lives with them. They bought me some very beautiful gifts but I has to tell them I has too much to do here.
That lady there is my gramma. She is crying and saying, "Oh Shelby. You is so beautiful. You has to go back and lives with me!"
I tells her NO! Cause David is so stupid who knows what trouble he gets into if I isn't here!
I does tell her she Hanks and grampa can come stays in my room cause I has plenty of room under David's bed. I don't know why they say no to a good deal likes that.
So I tells David that I has sacrificed so much to stay with him and he say that is nice and then he puts MEDICINE IN MY EAR!
I thinks maybe I made a mistake.
No I didn't but I hates ear medicine.
September 9, 2005
My Uncle Hank come to visit me today
I was at work today and I was showing David my secret football plays. When my Gramma and Grampa drives up and I COULDN'T BELIEVES IT Uncle Hank was withs them!
He had an operation and he was telling me all about it.
Uncle hank, he talks like this.
He say operations is not easy things. He says, "You have to be brave and when you are brave you will find out it makes everything all better."
He is very smart so he is probably right.
It were a very good visit. I is very glad to see that I is not the only beautiful black dog in the world.
It has made me happy all day long.
I is sorry that they has to go away. I don't wants them to go away. I don't wants to go with them. I is very happy where I is.
You should be happy too.
September 8, 2005
Boy oh boy has I had a day!
First thing today I has to go to work and it was very hard.
I made david plays football with me and I scored a kajillion touchdowns and he never scored none!
Then I has to take a nap. It am the law that a dog has to take naps at work. I does it so David don't go to jail.
Then we goes to the vet!
I has a serious talk with Doctor Karen and she calls in Dr Daniella who am in the picture cause they needs to learn about serious doctoring from a smart dog likes me. When I tells them I has had 3 doctoring lessons they knows that I knows more than them. When we is talking Dr Karen pokes me in my butt!
I couldn't believes it!
We has to spend 2 hours poking me and testing me. They says it was because I had yeast in my ears! But I knows it is becasue they is going to clone me so that everybody can have the greatest dog in the world. I seed a movie about it. I think it am very smart of them to makes more of me.
Then we leaves work and goes home. And you know who shows up!
She am the woman who raised me and then sold me to David!
That guy with her am her husband Ross. They couldn't believe that I remembers them. I didn't know if they think I is stupid or if they think that cause I is such a great dog that I had no time to remember them! I is great but I is humble about it. Of course I remembers them!
Grandma Julie says over and over how beautiful I am. I know. You could see that she am very sad she has sold me and not my dumb brother.
I says to her she can come back to visit me anytime, cause us great dogs is always forgiving people who sells us away.
Tomorrow I might get to see my Uncle Hank! He is a great dog. Not so great as me but pretty good.
September 7, 2005
As usual I is a hero
Sometimes it is so hard being beautiful and so great. No, it is not difficult for me to be beautiful and great cause I just always is that. It is hard because no matter what wonderful stuff I does nobody realizes it am wonderful, they all just says, "Oh, that is Shelby, she is the greatest dog in the world so it is easy for her to do great stuff."
Of course it am easy! But that don't mean you shouldn't give me treats!
I had to goes to doctor school today. It would be very difficult for you but for me it was very easy.
It were so easy cause it am boring!
I hates being good! I thinks if people is going to have legs and butts they has got to expect to be bit on them!
You would think that they would say, "Oh I is so honored, Shelby has bit me on the butt! She am the greatest dog in the world and it is the greatest butt bite I has ever got!"
They don't says that they says "Down Shelby! No, Shelby! Be a good girl Shelby!"
I IS ALWAYS A GOOD GIRL!
They just means I don't like doing all the stupid stuff they wants me to do, like sit still or be quiet!
David has to go to his Doctor today. I tries to tell them I is his doctor dog. But they is so stupid. I does my best.
They tooks blood out of his arm. I would have just bites him real hard but he does things his own stupid way. And then he gets sick and takes a nap!
I knows what a doctor dog am suppossed to do so I licks his face real good and he wakes up! He gives me a treat but he didn't have no big band marching around singing "Shelby is a great hero!"
He is very ungrateful.
I don't know what's I is going to do with him.
Tomorrow the lady who sold me to David is coming to see me. Now that she knows I is the greatest dog in the world I bet she is very sorry that I has stupid old David.
Well, she had her chance.
September 5, 2005
It were very boring today
It is a holiday so I let David sleeps up till 7 o'clock.
Then we goes out for a BIG walk. I was going to go to Chicago and have a talk with my brother Jimmy.
David says it is about 1200 miles to Chicago. So I figures we walked about 700 miles but then David has gotten tired so we has to turn around and go back home.
I did discover a good food.
It am HOT DOGS. But I don't think they is made out of dogs. A little girl gives it to me. Mean old David says no but she gives it to me and it were in my mouth when he said no so it am my legal right to eats it. That am dog law. I is also a great lawyer dog!
So we sleeps some and then we plays some.
It were a boring day.
I did invents a good game.
I has a frisbee. i is a great frisbee chasing dog. But what you does is this:
When David throws the frisbee you chases it and then you pretends you is bringing it back to him, see. You just pretends.
Then when he reaches to take the frisbee YOU RUNS AROUND HIM!
It am very funny. I thinks if you is lucky you can make him spins into the ground!
September 4, 2005
I has got to tell you stuff about brothers
They has to learns they lesson!
I has had a pretty good day off of work.
I went on a real long walk. Almost as far as Chicago! There is somebody good and somebody bad I has to see in Chicago. I is not going to say who the bad one is. I is 16 weeks old today so I is a proper lady and wouldn't be mean and stupid and say who is a bad boy.
YES I WOULD!
Jimmy has sent me a note and he says he am going to bite me in my butt! ME!!
Jimmy am my brother. When we was little I beats him up all the time. When we had a pool together he would stand outside and say "Oh Shelby can I please come into the nice swimming pool."
I would say, "of course you can Jimmy. All you has to do is beats me up!"
Let me tell you something Jimmy never got into that pool you bet.
Now he am going to bites me on my butt.
He am my brother but when you look at the picture up top you can see he doesn't look anything like me. I is so beautiful. I think Jimmy am adopted and that would explain why he think he can bites ME on MY BUTT!
This am Good Ol' Dog. You see how big she am?
I beats her up ALL THE TIME! She is protecting her water dish cause she know that I will steals it and plays with it. That am how scared she am of me!
Good Ol' Dog had to gets a bath today. I feels very sorry for her. Baths are a very bad thing. I swims everyday so i no have to take baths. She asked for one of my treats. I didn't feel that sorry for her . . .
You now what? I don't haves to work tomorrow either!
Maybe I'll takes me a walk to Chicago. Maybe I will!
September 3, 2005
Football playing peoples is liars!
So I goes to this big place to sees football and we gets tickets.
We has to sit on the lawn which is the best place to be to sees football. You knows it am the best cause I is sitting there!
They was some peoples who walked around making noise. David says they is a marching band.
They were terrible!
I tries to help them by singing along real beautiful like only I can sing and David says SHH!
I know. i couldn't believe it. He shushed me, the world's greatest singing dog!
So I sneezed at him!
Just like that I sneezed at him.
I did wants to see this game cause the signs all say it were the Knights playing THE BULLDOGS!!
I knows that it dogs is playing it will be the very best game ever cause dogs do everything better than people.
Even my silly brother Jimmy, who thinks he is gooder than me. All I has to say is Jimmy, did you ever even once wins a fight withs me or did you ever ever gets to sit in the swimming pool!
And Lucy, you has to stop telling me what's to do. I is your doctor dog and I knows best
And Ladie I never forgets what am the best jokes.
Now you has to look at this pictures.
Is you seeing what I is seening?
Looks very carefully.
THEY ISN'TS NO DOGS PLAYING!
So football peoples has lied to me.
This is very bad.
I is going to have to bites somebody on they butts!
If that not be enough I teaches them a real serious lesson.
I has a football too and it am much better than they footballs!
If I plays football they be very sorry. It am a very easy game. All they has to do is gives me the ball and I'd runs and runs and scores all the touchdowns. they could never stops me.
And when the bad guys has the ball I just bites they butts and tells them this am what happens when you lies to a dog!
September 1, 2005
Today I had to learn stuff
It was terrible.
I had to go to puppy class tonight.
Can you believe it! I has to work all day then I has to learns stuff!?!
That is just stupid!
Work was very good. I gots to chase David and beats him up and I do that very good.
When we had to go to puppy class I tries very hard to breaks the car but I was unlucky and my magic didn't work this time.
There was all kinds of stupid dogs there, they is all saying "I is the greatest dog in the world!" So I has to beats them all up. And I did too!
They is all saying, "You is the greatest dog in the world Shelby you can have all our treats!" That shows you while I has got nothing to learn I at least taught them something! And I is a great teacher dog too!
You has writ me saying, "Where was you yesterday Shelby?"
I was sleeping!