October 29, 2005
If I lived outside I wouldn't even have to wake up to go to the bathroom!
I is always thinking up stuff like that. I guess I is something of a genius at inventing good ideas and good jokes and good games.
David says this weekend strange people are coming to our house for tricks and treats!
This is a very good idea. I can always use some new tricks and I never ever has enough treats.
I is talking as a doctor now. I is graduating in three weeks! That means you has to do what I says! You must always give dogs good treats. These are the best treats.
Ice cream is the very best food for a dog. It is delicious! And ice cream has 2 E vitamins an A vitamin an I vitamin and R and M vitamins. It is very healthy so always give a dogs lots and lots of ice cream. You can never gives a dog too much ice cream.
Cheese is very good. It is smooth and creamy like ice cream but not so delicious cold and no sweets in it. It is still very good and it has 3 E vitamins too!
Cheeseburgers is very good for a dog cause you gets cheese! and you gets a hamburger! Can you believes that! If someone did not already makes these I would have invented it! Also it has plenty of the grease vitamin that makes a dogs coat all shiney.
David has showed me in a book where I is a working dog! This is very stupid. I already does enough work!
I is changing all them books cause Shelby is a PLAYING dog.
It is very important that you change any books you has. If they has my picture in it scratches out the word working and writes in playing.
I has a new toy. It is a very good toy. It am a rope!
The most fun you can have with this toy is to take it and drop it on David's head while he is sleeping! It is a very good joke!
But that is not all you can do with it! If you get David to hold one end you can pull on it and take it away from him and then you can tease him and not let him touch the rope again!
I likes to pretend I has dropped it and doesn't know where it is, then when David comes I scoops it up and runs very fast.
That is enough good stroy telling from me. I has to go wait for people to ring out bell and bring me my tricks and treats!
They had better gives me ice cream.
October 24, 2005
I is always a hero
I don't know how I does it.
First I has to take david to the doctor. I has to consult and I wants them to know that I think David's biggest problem is that he is too stingy with the ice cream. If he gived away more ice cream to ME he would feels a lot better.
I is walking David back from his doctor when I has a feeling.
I runs over and I sees a little bitty baby cat! Cause I is a doctor I can sees that baby cat is not feeling good so I says to it, "Hey stupid cat. It am okay. I will plays with you!"
But that cat is feeling pretty bad cause he just cries very little and very sad. I keeps calm and I goes and gets David.
I is scared to pick the little cat in my mouth cause it were very little and my mouth is very strong! I gets David to carry it inside.
I has taught David pretty good. He makes up a pretty good box and makes some food for the little cat. I watches him very careful. I tells the little cat some of my best jokes but it am feeling so bad it can't even laughs.
I tells David we has to get this cat to the hospital! So we takes it there.
Doctor Karen and I consult and we figures the little cat has got hit by a car!
I thinks this little cat has to be very tough if it can fight a car! I is glad I is friendly to it.
Doctor Karen says it am 5 weeks old! It is just a baby! It is hurt pretty bad so I says goodbye to it and tells it if it can fight a car it is plenty tough! We is going to keeps it in the hospital tonight so they can takes good care of it. I would have done it but I is so busy taking care of stupid David I might fall asleep.
I hope the little cat will be okay. If it is I is going to bites it on the butt and makes it play with me!
October 21, 2005
Yesterday I goes to the vet
When we gets there I weighs 35.8 pounds.
Doctor Karen says that I is perfect!
She said that! I has witnesses!
She said "Shelby, you is perfect!"
So I was consulting with Doctor Karen and Nurse Daniella and we all agrees I is perfect and 35.8 pounds is the perfect weight for a dog.
So now. Who should I believes?
Should I listen to my little bitty tiny scrawny brother Jimmy who only weighs 31 pounds who thinks my butt is big? Should I believes mean old stingy David who thinks that all that weight am in my ears?
Or should I believes a good professional colleague like Doctor Karen who thinks I am perfect.
Now who should I believes?
MY BUTT IS NOT TOO BIG AND MY EARS IS NOT TOO BIG!! I IS PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT!!
I is a fine young lady who am 22 weeks old so I will not discusses it no more.
I is perfect.
October 17, 2005
I keeps telling you I is a TROJAN dog
I has been busy.
On Friday I coaches my football team to a win. I was very tough with them.
On Saturday I watches USC play Notre Dame with David.
It were very exciting. At the very end I was thinking, "Matt, you has to tease them gooder!"
Matt must have been reading my mind cause he teases them very very good. They runs at him and he throws the ball away!
Cause he teased them so good they say do that again Matt and he wins the game!
That is cause I is the greatest coach in the world. Teasing is a very important part of playing and if Matt had not teased them real good they might have lost!
I used to have a flying disc. it were agood toy but it were not a great toy. Then Good Ol' Dog steps on my frisbee and she is so fat she breaks it!
Now I was looking at this and I gets to thinking. You know I is a great thinking dog.
So I thinks and then I starts working on it and I invents a gooder toy!
You can see it there in the picture. Now instead of one okay toy I now has two great toys.
Why is it a great toy? Cause I has invented it! That's why!
My brother Jimmy has wrote to me. He says he weighs 31 pounds. That is very little and scrawney. I is much bigger than that.
Poor little Jimmy. He is too little to beats up I guess.
October 12, 2005
David went to work without me yesterday
So I beat up his room! I did!
He can gets into bad trouble without his dog being with him. I was really mad at him even if he did give me ice cream.
That is how mad I was. David give me ice cream and I was still mad.
He should not go out without his dog and you can bet I told him that!
Today I went to doctor school.
It was very good. I consulted with Dr Mourning. Do you like that word; consulting?
Consulting is just like talking only when you is a doctor you get to charge people for talking to other doctors!
That means I get treats!
So I was consulting with another doctor and I tells him a joke I invented today. It goes like this:
I woke David up this morning.
David says, "Shelby, I don't want a watch dog!"
And so I says, "I isn't a watch dog I is an alarm clock dog!!"
It is a very good joke. You can tells it to people but you has to tell them I invented it!
This is a picture of me with my pig bones. I has never seen a pig but I can tell they looks delicious.
I is bored talking now.
October 10, 2005
Good Ol' Dog was chasing me
and she hurt herself!
She didn't fall or nothing! I is so fast it hurts just trying to keep up with me.
That am just one of the reasons I am so great.
On Friday our football team lost. And they lost to a bunch of cats!
I can't believe it. CATS!
When I was there they was scoring touchdowns but when I wasn't there they stopped.
I sees that I has to take over coaching them guys.
They needs to learn to tease better and score touchdowns all the time just like I do!
It am the only thing to do. Cause no cats am ever going to beats me up!
But stupid David says that he is the coach.
I figured it out. He am the coach cause he gots a coaching hat!
So I took it from him!
He tries to fights me for it but I knows what is right.
I tells him that his silly stuff made our team lose to a bunch of cats! CATS!
Of course I wins.
So this Friday we is going again. And I will shows them how to run as fast as me. Well, nearly as fast as me.
And I will teach them to tease good and I'll bring my football!
October 7, 2005
As if I doesn't have enough to do
They has decided I is not going to get an operation yet. They has all kinds of mumbo jumbo they says but I knows it am because I is perfect!
It has been raining here.
I likes the rain a lot cause you can run and get's real hot and then the rain makes you real cool again.
Rain is very smart.
After a hard day of working. It were hard I chewed up two sticks! After a hard day of working David takes me to another football game. I was excited cause they was playing the Wildcats!
I is thinking out team will really beats up those cats I tell you!
David is going to teach our team how to play football next season. I has been bought along cause I is the greatest football player in the world!
I is listening to David teach football. I couldn't believe what he was doing! It were so stupid! He has them running silly and running in to each other! I stand by him and says to the floor real soft so just David can hear me, I says "Dave, Dave. They is playing against cats!"
He don't listen. I says it again, "Dave, they is playing cats!"
He don't listen so finally I gets up and yells at the team! :If you wants to beats cats you has to run really fast and never lets them catches you!"
Then I tells them something that I couldn't believes David doesn't teach them, 'If you wants to win you has to get more touchdowns than them cats! Makes sure you do some good teasing and gets you a good squeaking football like mine!"
Of course the team can't believe how brilliant I is.
Now they is calling me Coach Shelby.
Listening to what I teaches them they goes out and gets a touchdown! Then we has to go home cause it is raining.
I don't know why that makes a difference.
October 2, 2005
Yesterday I did nothing but sleep, play and eat!
It were a perfect day!
Today was even better!
Today I is 20 weeks old. How wise I is. How very smart.
Somehow I just keeps getting more and more beautiful too.
I is amazing.
Today was very special. We went to a big building. They was all kinds of cats and dogs there. A man comes out and he throws water on us! One at a time. And he makes a shape over my head!
Then he says some words over my new medal and puts it on me.
It was very impressive.
That am a picture of my medal.
The words on it say "Saint Francis." He was a man who liked animals.
I figure if he liked animals he must be a very good man.
Then we comes home and I gets ice cream cause I is 20 and I needs ice cream. It have all good vitamins. It is important for a dog to gets his vitamins.
Then what was even better than that was that I didn't have to take a bath!
You is saying am that better than ice cream?
In a different way, yes it is much better. I had to get brushed but that was not so terrible.
And then I got a letter from one of my fans who plays football!
David says he is a very good football player but I has watched him and he is better than people but he is no so good a football player as a dog. I will try and helps him play as good as a dog but it will probably be hopeless, but I try.