April 30, 2006
This is an IMPORTANT announcement!!
You can see I has been thinking about this very hard!
My super giant brain works much gooder when I is running and has something in my mouth.
I has been thinking about who is going to gets my DVD!
142 of you has sent me note saying, “Oh, Shelby! A DVD of you would makes me so happy!”
I already knows that my DVD would make anybody and everybody happy. It is by me after all.
I'm not quite sure how many 142 is. I only has 4 legs! I figure it is maybe 3 or 4 less than a kajillion.
What I couldn't believe is that 56 of you has not sent me a note from your parents! I told you that you has to tell me your parents or a nurse or a doctor has said you can ask me for this DVD!
You didn't so 56 of you is bad! No, you is not bad but I can't send syou no DVD neither so it is almost the same as if you was bad. See, that is super giant brain logic at work!
Now 10s of you is over 30!!
I know that I is a good talker so I think you is not good listeners! You has to be 11 or 12 or so to get one of my DVDs. You has to be smart enough to see how beautiful I is!
You people who is old has got to listen better especially when it am me talking!
Some of you think it is not fair that my Gramma and my brother gets DVDs!
The y is my Gramma and my brother, so of course they do! You is just silly if you think they shouldn't or is you telling me a good joke?
So the first DVD goes to my Gramma so my mom can see it and be proud and my brother Ballou and sister Layla will be all jealous!
The second DVD goes to my brother Jimmy. Jimmy is a cute little bitty tiny dog he only weighs 50 pounds! He needs to see a DVD of me so he will know that one day he will be as big and strong as me.
DVD 3 goes to Crystal in Tampa. Crystal is very smart for a person. She would love to have a dog half as beautiful as me!
4 goes to Patty in Chicago. Patty has been my friend forever and ever. She has never met me but she writes me all the time.
5 goes to William in New Mexico. He does not like to be called Bill. I don't know why.
DVD 6 goes to Ben and Robin. They called me on the telephone and begged for a DVD. That was very smart of them.
7 goes to Daniel In Los Angeles, Dan can't have a dog and wants to be my friend.
8 goes to Gloria. She is only 4 but can writes to me! She writes very smart too.
9 goes to Maria is 8 and she lives in Mexico City. She can writes in 3 languages! English, Spanish and Doggish!
10 goes to Bobby in Oregon. Bobby has always dreamed of being friends with a dog like me. Since there is only me who am like me I guess I will have to be his friend!
11 am going all the way to London. London is farther away than the pet food store! It is! London is Cecelia's home and she is 7 and thinks that I am the most beautiful dog she has ever seed! You can tell from that she is very very smart.
The last DVD is going to Stephen in New York. Steve can't have a dog where he lives and he is too little to move!
Even if you did not get a DVD you is still all my friends. If David was smarter he would figure out a way I could give all you peoples a DVD except you people who doesn't follow my rules!
I is not a stupid human and when I makes a rule it am because it am important.
I is going to make another movie! When I does maybe you will be able to get one.
I is busy now and glad you is all my friends.
April 19, 2006
I has the greatest family in the world!
My family was at this special dog show in Oklahoma.
Oklahoma is very far away and is a very good place now cause my family was there.
Now this dog show is like a contest see and my Uncle Hank and my Mom and even my sister all won stuff!
If I had been there I would have won everything. That is why i didn't go because if I was there they never would have looked at no other dogs. I decided I has to be fair.
There was a guy there who has made me very mad! He didn't say my Mom was the most beautiful dog in the world!
He did not! And this same guy then said my sister wasn't near as perfect as me.
I think he said, “You is near a s beautiful as Shelby.” And my sister, poor thing, growled at him, “I is more beautiful than Shelby!”
See, if I had been there I'd have bitten that mean old judge right on his butt!
Right on his butt!
But my Uncle Hank won stuff for Agility. That's where you has to run around and do stuff. I is great at running around and doing stuff so I probably got that from him. And my Mom and sister got stuff for herding. That is chasing things around. I s is great at chasing things and I loves to be chased too!
So you can see I'd probably have won everything.
Gramma Julie says that my family won 11 out of 12. That is very very good. But from my family it is what you'd expect.
She says that they would have won 12 out of 12 but she made a mistake! Uncle Hank was jumping 24 inches. That is very high. She made him jump over the wrong thing.
I think they was cheating us. How could a dog jump over the wrong thing! As soon as we jumps over it it am the right thing!
Yes, I am sure they was cheating us.
Something else great has happened.
Doctor Karen has come back to work!
That am a picture of her with her baby that is named Claire and not named Shelby. Even though it does not have a beautiful name as Shelby it is about the prettiest human baby I has seed.
That other picture is of Claire's dad. He is not so beautiful but he is very nice and I think that makes up for it.
Now Doctor Karen and I is both doctors so we has us some pretty technical talks.
This time we had a very serious talk. David said, “Shelby weighs 61 pounds and her butt is too big!”
And Doctor Karen looked right at me and said, “No Shelby is perfect!” She looked right at me and said that! “Shelby is perfect!”
That's right, as usual and always I is perfect!
And to finish up I has invented a great new game.
It is a lot of fun.
In our house we has a bathroom and the bathroom has a big bowl of water in it.
So you understand this is a bathroom that is in the house but no cats are allowed to use it! Cats go to the bathroom in the house but they don't use the bathroom cause if they did you know I wouldn't ever go in there!
I bet you is already guessing what this great game is!
What I does is take a toy I is having fun playing with and I takes it into the bathroom and I drops it in the big bowl of water!
It makes a wonderful noise and then you has to go get David to take sit out of the bowl! Then you does it all over again.
It is a very good game and I likes to see what toys float on the top and what things sinks to the bottom.
It is much more fun when they sinks cause David makes all kinds of funny noises when they do!
April 14, 2006
As usual I is just too popular
Yesterday I found out that JoJo's family is moving away!
This means I has to teach him how to be a dog really really fast.
JoJo is not too smart. He is smart for a dog but compared to me he is not too smart. Compared to me nobody is too smart!
I has taught him how to run fast and how to jump and how to play. I has taught him where the cookies are and how to stand real close and look real sad when you is needing a cookie! He learned that one real good let me tell you.
Then they is my doctoring. Now the way I understands it most of you people when you is a doctor you can't have time to be nothing else. Good thing I is smarter than most people.
I is doctoring so many people. THREE of them come by to give me easter treats! That's right. They come by my other job just to give me something! This is very smart of them.
But I think the biggest news is that my DVD is completely ready!
It is so beautiful. When I looks at it I almost cry.
Doctor Karen has smarted up and she is coming back to the hospital on Monday! I is hoping she brings her baby with her so I can smell it and see if it is smart or stupid. I is hoping she is smart.
I is going to give Doctor Karen the first DVD. She will probably cry a lot and be a little sad that she does not have a beautiful dog like me. If she starts to cry I is going to tell her, “Don't be sad Doctor Karen! I is still your friend!”
So next week I will be spending more of my very important time listening to all you peoples who wants a free DVD. This is a very important decision I has to make so I is going to listen very careful besides it takes David so long to make them DVD's he will probably not be ready by the time I is finished!
April 8, 2006
I has to tell you something
You know I is the world's greatest doctor dog. I has come across something I has never seed before. In all my weeks of doctoring I has never comes across anything like it.
This week when I was making my rounds (that's what they calls it when us doctors is working, making our rounds) they took me to see two boys who was very bad hurt.
I was very concerned about how sick they was.
I told them a real good joke I made up just for them and they didn't even laughs!
Then them boys tells me that they was sad because people, big people like David, has hurted them.
I couldn't believe it! I had to think hard about this. I didn't know what else to do so I gived them the strongest medicine that they is: I gived them both a kiss! I know usually I has to write a prescription for medicine that strong but I gived them each a kiss - TWICE! I kissed them right om they face! I did! I hopes it was strong enough medicine for them.
I told them I was Dr Shelby and I was they friend.
Big people hurting little children. That is a very bad thing. Even David, who is very stupid, how stupid I will tell you in a bit but who is very smart about stuff like this didn't know what to do!
It am very sad.
I thought about all them children and all them puppies who got no big people to look after and I took my weeks pay and I got them puppies some dog food. We will take it to the shelter which is not a nice place but it am better than having no home at all and I will gives it to them puppies and I is going to tell them that if they sees big people hurting children they has to bite them on they butts and then call me so I can bites them even harder!
I can't believes it. Big people hurting children. That is just crazy!
I tell you how stupid David is! He had me all excited cause he thought that last week was the big dog show my mom, Uncle Hank and my sister is all in. MY WHOLE FAMILY almost is in it. He got me all excited thinking it was last week.
It wasn't last week.
It is coming up this week!
What am I going to do with David?
I has got lots of people asking for their DVD of me. David keeps playing around with it. He says he is making it better.
When he said that I put my paw on his arm and says, “David, the DVD has gots me on it. It can't get any better than that!” Then I looks at him!
I has finished coaching the football team. I has made them all run faster by making them chase me! They never caught me either! If I could get them to use a fuzzy football or a Kong I would play for them and be the greatest football player ever!
But I'd still have to explain the rules to David!
April 1, 2006
Once again I is a hero
That dog there is Tyson. the other one hiding is Bubba. They lives by me and last night they escaped from they home! They runned away!
That is why they looks so tired now cause they was off having good adventures!
It were very early in the morning and I heared them escape. Then the man they lives with hears them too and he is off looking for them. I made David wake up cause he is the only one I know who can work them door things. When I learns how to work them door things it will be a lot different around here let me tell you!
So we went out into the dark night and I found them. They was playing the garbage and they was having a very good time. If dumb old David wasn't there I'd have had me some fun with them too let me tell you!
The man they lives with was very mad. I don't know why! They is very good dogs and Tyson says to me, “Is you really Shelby? The Shelby?!?”
I says, “Of course I is! Did you run away just to have some fun?”
Then Bubba says, “You bet! Our owner he gets really mad but we has so much fun it is worth it!”
I has told you I has made a DVD!
Then I has told you I will give 5 of them away! Five is four plus 1.
I has gotten about 4 kajillion people writing to em and say, “Shelby I needs a DVD! You is so great a dog. I needs to see what a great dog looks like and I know they looks like you!”
You people is crazy!
You think I got nothing better to do than sit around a go, “Computer makes a great DVD,” 4 kajillion times!
Well let me tell you: I does not!
I is very very busy. I has so many jobs. And now I is teaching them guys how to play football too.
So I has put my giant brain to this problem and here is what I says:
I is 12 times smarter than you (that am 3-4's) and I is 11 months old nearly, so, what I has decided is that you has to be around 11 people years old to appreciate the great DVD I has made.
If you is older than that then you is just unlucky that you hasn't seen a great dog like me before on your TV.
If you is around 11 (3x4 or so) then you has to write to me ALL OVER AGAIN! Then I will listens to your letters saying why you wants a DVD of me. I will gives the five who has the right answer a DVD and 5 MORE of you I will let the computer pick!
So I know has 10 DVD's (that is 2 sets of feet plus 2 feet!)
you has to send me them emails before April 15th. I don't know why but you has to. And you has to tell your parents what you is doing BEFORE you writes me. OK?
I is all nervous today too. I taught some good football today but I was thinking in the back of my head.
I was worrying about Uncle Hank and my Mom. They is in Oklahoma which is very very far away. They is in a big contest to see who the greatest dog like me is.
I is not in the contest becasue it wouldn't be fair to all the other dogs cause I would win everything just like that! Just like that!
But I want my Uncle Hank to do real good. He had an operation and this is a big show for him. He is doing agility and that am running up and down ladders and stuff. He can do that better than anybody but me but he might be nervous!
My mom I know is ok. She is in the beauty pageant part of the show and since she is almost as pretty as me you know she will win real easy!
And I has to tell you: I likes cats!
No I doesn't! APRIL FOOLS!!
I tricked you!
Nobody better try and trick me!
And I is finished and needs a nap after all this talking!