May 28, 2006
I has photographic evidence
It is one thing to be the greatest dog in the world and it am quite another when you has PROOF. This am proof that will make all you Doubting Wilburs turn around and say, “Oh I is so sorry I ever doubted you Shelby! I will always believes everything you says!”
I is just do great. You can shakes you head and say it, “Shelby, you is just so great,” but you can't say it often enough.
I is going to tell you how I did it.
I told David we has to go back to that jungle where I seed the dinosaur tails. That am a picture of me in the jungle. I made David take me there so I could use my nose to smells stuff.
Right away I found something! See that thing over there?
That am where dinosaurs goes to the bathroom!
Now this is very important to us scientists. See, this am proof that dinosaurs go to the bathroom outside. That means they is not related to cats! This is a very good thing and very important to us scientists.!
So I follows the dinosaur smell and I is running as fast as I can which am plenty fast to catch dinosaurs and then and then!! I hears it. Very very soft. HARONK!
That am the sound my brother Jimmy's lobster makes. I figure Jimmy was sending me a clue.
So I runs even faster! I is running so fast I is invisible and THEN!!!!!
Yes. Just like I has been telling you! There were the dinosaur!
Now don't you get scared. I is there to protect you.
First thing I does is tell that old dinosaur one of my good jokes!
You has to talk loud to tell a dinosaur jokes cause they is so tall above you.
Then when that old dinosaur starts him to laughing you has to go in and bites them on they toes!
Dinosaurs hates it when you bites them on they toes and they will do anything to gets you to stop! They will even learn tricks!
They will! I is teaching this old dinosaur to stay cause mean old David says I can't takes him home to live in our bathtub and I want to find him again tomorrow and teach him more tricks!
See that old dinosaur am pretending he am going to eat me!I isn't scared!
David is a terrible picture taker! You can't even sees that I is down there biting them dinosaur toes. Dinosaurs hates their toes being bit but them toes taste delicious let me tell you!
I is looking at my dinosaur telling him he had better be good or I will bites his big old dinosaur butt!
You can tell people that you am my friend. You can say, “Shelby, the world's greatest dinosaur dog is my friend!” And then everybody will be jealous of you!
You will has to wait for me to tame my dinosaur some more. I don't think you can rides him yet. He is awfully mean unless I is there to make him be a good boy!
May 21, 2006
You better listen good!
I is glad that you all liked my DVD! It was a lot of work for me to make let me tell you!
I know it is not very often you get to see a great DVD with the world's greatest dog! I understand you think it is right to say, “Thank you Shelby!”
What I don't get is that you all don't believes in dinosaurs!!
We has to have a talk about this I can tell you!
They is dinosaurs!
See about half a kajillion years ago there was only dinosaurs and dogs. Them dinosaurs was so delicious and them dogs was so greedy that them dogs ate almost every single one!
Its true. All them greedy dogs left was some bones they was too lazy to eat right. They buried them bones and now scientists is digging them up today.
Scientists always forget to say that dinosaurs am delicious!
No some of you - I mean David and Wilbur - say that yes dinosaurs used to be here but they is all gone. I tells you why you think they is all gone.
See they was a few dinosaurs left and them greedy dogs was all fat and slower and slower from eating so much dinosaur meats. So them few dinosaurs that were left got real real good at hiding! And they got real real fast. They is just about the fastest thing in the world, after me of course.
So since they is so fast and so good at hiding it am very impossible for YOU to sees them at all!
I can see them pretty easy, so can most dogs.
If you looks at the picture over there that am photographic evidence! Isn't that a great thing to say. You try it! Photographic evidence!
That little thing there am a tiny dinosaur my friend Ben caught and sent me. Ben is not a good dinosaur hunter like me so that old dinosaur only let Ben catch his butt!
When a dinosaur looses his butt he just grows back a new one! He does.
I saw it on TV!
I know that you Wilbur, who I is starting to call Doubting Wilbur still won't believes what you sees with you own eyes.
Here am another picture!
Stop looking at me! Look at what am behind me!
It am a dinosaur tail!!!!
I know Ol' Doubting Wilbur will say that am just a tree that tripped and fell down!
If a tree fell down why don't it just get up!
And why would greedy ol' people just leave a good stick like that lying around?
I bet you can't answer them questions can you Doubting Wilbur!
Look close. See hiding am what dinosaurs am good at so of course to you, who are not good dinosaur hunters, it looks like everything BUT a dinosaur. If it looked like a dinosaur then it probably wouldn't be a dinosaur at all.
Them guys am really tricky!
You look close and you can see scales and stuff.
But now that I has this photographic evidence I knows where to look. This week I bet I has a real big surprise to shut you all up!
You'll be surprised alright!
I be surprised if dumb ol' David doesn't break the camera! I figure a dinosaur picture with me in it will be worth about a dozen frosty paws!!!
May 17, 2006
What did you do on New Years?
Yesterday I was one years old.
One whole year.
Can you believe it?
The things I have seen, the people I have meet, the stories I could tell.
Oh, sometimes even I can't believe it myself.
Sometimes people think that my life is a bed of clover. That am only because I has a bed of clover. I uses it to think deep thought about life and toys and good jokes and great games.
And my crazy brother Jimmy!!
That am him in the hat.
I did not get not hat on my birthday.
I got ice cream! I wouldn't have minded a hat like my brother got but I is happy about just having ice cream.
NO I ISN'T!! I WANT A BIRTHDAY HAT!!
But I did get me a real good birthday present!
I gots salmon!
I gots a bacon cheese biscuit!
I gots 3 kajillion cards!
I gots a peanut butter frosty paws!
I got a vanilla frosty paws!
I got turkey!
And I got a GIANT LOBSTER!
The lobster was gived to me by my brother!
The lobster is very good for practice fighting and it plays beautiful music! Them big claws makes good squeaks. And the big body gows HARONK just like that. HARONK! And when you shakes it it rattles!
A great musician like me can play some beautiful songs on a great lobster like that and practice fighting at the same time!
I wrotes and played David a beautiful song just before the sun comes up.
He didn't like it.
But you know how he is!
All in all I likes my birthday and I think that maybe I'll haves me another one. But next times I want a hat!
May 8, 2006
It is almost New Years!!
Last Friday David says that I is going to have a spa day!
I has seen spa's on TV so I knows all about them. See, you lies around a swimming pool and they is people who comes up and puts ice cream bon bons into your mouth!
I was pretty excited about a spa day for me, cause I is thinking I works so hard I has to have a day to just be beautiful! I kept trying to make the car goes fastest cause I want to get there and get my ice cream bon bons!
I gets to start out with a manicure. That is where they cuts and polishes your nails. It is very relaxing and a good place for some girl talk!
You know that Bugs Bunny am my favorite actor. He just makes me laugh! And he is almost smart enough to be a dog! Really, he is! You should see his movies. They is almost as good as mine!
One of my favorite Bugs Bunny movies is when this big hairy monster who wears tennis shoes is chasing Bugs when suddenly Bugs pulls out a little manicure table and starts giving this big old monster a manicure!
Then Bugs says to the monster, “Now lets dips our tootsies in the water!” and he puts that monsters big old monster hands into them bowls and you know what?
They is mouse traps in that bowl!! Boy was that old monster surprised!
So me and my manicurist is talking about how stupid boys is when I says - and I says it just like Bugs, just like him - “Lets dip our tootsies in the water!”
I thought it were pretty funny but it was a terrible joke!
The tootsie they put into the water was me!!
They gived me a bath.
They did! And it was so terrible. You are probably crying for me right now.
They put me into steaming scalding water and tried to drown me in smelly soap stuff!
But that wasn't all the terrible stuff they did to me!
They had a big pipe hooked up to a volcano! While I was soaking wets they blewed hot air on me. I could feel my skin hurting and then to be even meaner they took something and pulled all my hair out!
I didn't cry! I said, “Why is you pulling out my beautiful fur!?!”
They said it was cause they had to get rid of all my dead hair! I is mostly hair, you know! I said, “You is very stupid. If you think I is dead then why is you doing this?”
That stopped them and then they all tried to be really nice to me. They massaged me real nice and then they tried different little clothes and jewelry on me BUT they didn't listen to me and see what they did? They was thinking I was a cowboy! They put a cowboy tie on me!!
It was very terrible but I is very tough, you all know that, so I is okay now. And yesterday it rained so I has made sure to roll real good in the mud to take all that spa day stuff off of me!
One good thing is that David has mailed out all them DVD's except to Jimmy and Gramma. He is so lazy.
And this is something I don't understand. They has said this is be kind to animals week. How stupid is that!
Who would ever be mean to a animal?!? I know I sure wouldn't!