July 24, 2006
Yesterday I nearly caught a bird!
It was very exciting!
It almost flew into my mouth! I was going to catch it and teach it to watch my dinosaur to make sure my dinosaur is behaving itself!
Oh yesterday was also one years that I has been living with David.
I don't know.
I has worked very very hard trying to train him but he is so stupid!
You know it took me THREE WEEKS to teach him that I is not a cat! Three weeks to teach him I has to go to the bathroom outside! Three weeks! I bet I could teach a cat to go to the bathroom outside in one week!
<-- See there am a picture of me when I first comes to live with David. See how I is filled with hope. You can see I was thinking that he is very big and stupid but I is the greatest dog in the world and I bet I can teach him!
I was half right. I is the greatest dog in the world. If you don't believes me just look up top there. It says so in BIG letters!
I has taught David some things but he never learns them all the way right. I first I thought he was just defying his dog! But I soon learned he just don't know no better.
I has tried to teach him some of my great games. He learns them but then he will just stop playing them and go to sleep or something!
And I has told him some of the greatest jokes in the world! You know they is great cause I invented them!
Here's one: “Why did the dog cross the road?” You don't know do you! The dog crossed the road to beat you up!!
Instead of just laughing and giving me great treats and ice cream he tells ME some of his jokes!
I think you can imagine what kind of jokes he tells . . . --->
That there am a picture of me after David has telled me what he thinks is a good joke.
It were terrible, terrible.
Now some of you people has been thinking that I don't love David.
You think I could give a stupid man the best year of my life if I didn't love him!!!!
Does you think I would keep training him and teachings him and watching him mess it all up over and over if I didn't loves him!!!
See where I had to sleep when I first meets him.
I is just telling you that I has realized I is in love with a lemon!
I learned how to be a doctor in 3 months. I figure it would take David 9 years!
But maybe that am why I love him. He is just so pathetic.
He do give good belly rubs. And he doesn't give me enough treats but he do give me good treats.
I guess I'll keep him.
I'll keep trying and trying and hoping he will get better!
I know you is thinking, “Shelby you is a saint!”
Yes. I probably is.
Today one of my patients come to visit me at work! But I wasn't at work. Jim was very disappointed I am sure. How would you feel if you comes to see me and then all there is is David!
Jim was sad but he still remembered to tell David this message. He pitched in the Little League World Series! The world Series! They got to the second round and Jim he won a game!
That is very good.
He tells David to tell me, “Please thank Doctor Shelby that her advice really helped!”
I is also the world's greatest baseball coach!
I is just so precious!
July 9, 2006
I thinks I has been fired!
See me there. I is so happy. I is usually happy. It is easy to be happy when you is as great as me. That is just the fact of it.
But lately David has not been letting me rive him to work.
He has not been taking me to work at all!
Instead stupid David has not been taking his beautiful smart dog he has been taking his stupid bike to MY JOB!!!
I know! I can't believe it either, but it is true.
That am the stupid bike!
Don't look at me! Look at that stupid bike!
It is a good color cause it am the same color as me! But it am sure not as beautiful as me let me tell you. It is not soft and nice to pet. It don't have the Kong either let me tell you that! That am my Kong and I'll never let that bike plays with it!
I is Queen of the Kong! Queen Kong!
The Kong is the beautiful toy I almost always has with me. It is a good toy but only the best dogs can play with it and since there is not dog gooder than me only I can haves it!
I just don't understands this. I has done a great job! I has kept every lizard properly chased! I has ate all the spiders! I has told David when it am time for him to go out and play with his dog!
I has been the perfect working dog!
That old bike am not even as fast as me. When David is riding it I catches it REAL EASY!There is nothing I cannot do better than that old bike. You know that everything I do no one can do better cause I is Shelby the greatest dog in the world so when I does something it am perfect!
You can see how worried I am. If I don't has all my jobs maybe I won't get my Sarge Bones or all the treats I needs.
I even has nightmare that dumb old david will be all eatens up by lizards and spiders. That am actually pretty funny when you think about it but it am a nightmare in my dreams!
(If you don't know dreams is like TV that am only on one channel and only in your one head!)
I has smelled this bike real good. The only trick it does good is stay! That am one trick more than David can do so I is thinking it am a pretty smart bike!
The bike do not play good and if you bite its butt it am very hard. Not so hard as a dinosaur butt but harder than deciding to eat your pigs ear or your breakfast first.
But you know the worstest thing about that bike?
My feets are too short to reach them pedals!