I Am The Greatest Dog In The World!

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August 22, 2006

You people needs to listen gooder!

The other day I has discovered a delicious new food.

Sausage gravy and biscuits! It were all creamy and smelled like grease! Some very nice person left it for me on the ground.
This was a very nice person who is probably very nice to they dogs.
I was smelling this delicious treat and just about to take a big bite when - WHOOSH - I is picked up! ME! A big girl like me just picked up!
By David of course.
He says, �Shelby! You can't eat that! You is on a diet!�
At first I just says, �A DIET!?!� but then I calms down. See, being a doctor I learns stuff like this: When you is talking to a crazy person you has to be really really calm.
So I says, �Um, David? Why does you think I is on a diet?�
�Because Doctor Karen says you weigh too much!�
You notice David did not say I was fat. That am because he knows how mad I can get. When I gets mad it is a terrible terrible thing. You would be very scared if you ever saw me gets mad!
Saying I is fat am a very good way to get me mad!
Then I says, �David? Think very carefully. Is that really what Doctor Karen said?�
He right away says yes!
Now I knows I has got him!

�David. Isn't what she said more like �David, you has to give beautiful Shelby more exercise?' Isn't that what she really said?�

He has to tell the truth to his dog so he says, �Yes. She said that.�
�She didn't say nothing about no diet now did she?� I says this very sweetly!
�No. But she said you had to lose weight!� he admitted.
�She said you has to give me more exercise. And that means playing with me more. Right? So if I is a little overweight then it am all your fault and you all should stop picking on me!!�
Then I hits him with good logic, �And how can I be on a diet when I is already ALWAYS hungry?�
While he was thinking about that I runs over to the gravy and biscuits but somebody had picked them up off the ground! They is probably going going to give thems to some poor starving dog. I has to tell them I is very poor and I is always starving!

I has been coaching football. I is a something like a genius at football. It is very hard work for some people. I don't know why. All you has to do is tell them to runs faster and do that better and scores them touchdowns!
The hardest part about coaching is standing around and pretending to be interested in whatever it is they is doing. David holds a little clip board. I figure he is playing tic tac toe on it.
I always takes my football cause it is good and soft and you can squeaks it when you is scoring a touchdown! I always scores a touchdown cause I is so great!

Posted by Shelby at August 22, 2006 10:46 AM

Comments

Posted by: Ben, Robin and Blue at August 28, 2006 10:20 PM

Posted by: Sonia at September 3, 2006 8:50 AM

Posted by: Sonia at September 3, 2006 8:53 AM