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October 28, 2006

I has got my own skunk!

Pa230013 That am my skunk!
He is a very good skunk. I has been training him. He has not told me his name yet. He is very stubborn.
My brother Jimmy has sent him to me! He really did!
He was probably saying to hisself, �My sister Shelby is such a good sister. And that mean old David never gives her any money. And poor poor Shelby has no toys. I is going to send her a great present! I is going to send her the skunk that skunked on me! She can play with it and maybe it will skunk or her too! Then she will have a great present and a great joke played on her!�Pa210008
This is all very true. I has no money. I don't even have a pocket to put no money in!
I don't know why David thinks I am such a big baby!
But the big joke was on Jimmy. That old skunk sure didn't stink me up, no sir, I tell you. I starts out right away just beating him up. Oh, I beat him up so good. No way was he going to be a bad skunk after that let me tell you!
Jimmy has also sent his beautiful but poor sister some foods! They were very good foods.
They is rabbits but what makes them so good is they is rabbits that am cookies that am cheese!
I couldn't believe Jimmy invented something that were so good! I has seed rabbits but I has never catched one.
Pa230011 Now that I know the cheese ones is so delicious I is going to be sure to catch all of them let me tell you!
Cause I is a genius I invented a very good joke. I took the skunk and pushed its butt right against David. I pushed it right in his nose!
I was figuring that the skunk would squirt his skunk juice all over David so that David would smell all good.
The skunk didn't squirt David.
See in that picture I is checking the skunk's butt. I is making sure his stink juice maker is working. You probably didn't know that a skunk's stink juice maker am right there in they butts. It is.
My skunk didn't have no juice maker!! What i thinks is that Jimmy has kept that part for himself so he can always be smelling really really beautiful.
I tried to talk to David and tells him my skunk is broked. Cause I is a genius scientist doctor dog I has figured out that what this skunk needs am some rabbit cheese cookies to makes his stink juice maker grow back.
It am a brilliant plan but David won't give me no rabbit cheese cookies for my skunk!
He is so mean.
So I has a broke skunk.
He is still very good for beating up though!

Posted by Shelby at 9:19 PM

October 15, 2006

Today I am 17 months old

Pa130009 And I still has got no presents from you! I is a very poor dog. I does not have no cheeseburger pizzas. I has no got no ice creams. It am very sad.
Not it isn't!
Maybe a little but I is so great it does not matter too much. Of course if you was to send me some ice creams or cheeseburger pizza that would be very nice of you. Almost as nice of you as I is to you. I is always talking to this computer and you people don't send me nothing but stupid questions!

Vince from North Carolina has writ to me. He says:

Dear Coach Shelby;
In our conference we see a lot of Cover Two and Cover Four defenses. The new wrinkle is to disguise them with a 4-3 red dog and a rotating umbrella zone. What is the best way to attack this defense.

Boy. You sure don't know nothing about football! The only smart thing you has said there is that you is trying to get a dog into the game. That am very smart. But then you ruins it by wanting to use a red dog! Everyone knows us black dogs am the greatest football players!
Pa130006
Ben from Canada has writ to me. Canada is very far away and it am covered in ice! And all year long they has ice cream on the ground! You can looks it up!

Dear Counselor Shelby;
(Counselor am what Canadians call us lawyer dogs. I thinks you get to charge them more for calling you that!)
The lady next door to us has thrown some very good balls over the fence and into my yard. My mom is not too smart and she has thrown them back over the fence, all except one. I hid it. Do I have to give it back so she can throw it back over the fence?

Pa090001
You can tell Ben is a dog cause this am a very very smart question. If he were a girl dog it would be even smarter. If he were a girl dog he wouldn't even have to ask a question!
The law is very clears about this Ben. You is a dog so you only has to give back the ball if they can catches you and takes it away from you!
They is a different law if you is not a dog. They has different laws for peoples and for dogs cause dogs almost always does the right thing but peoples don't hardly ever do right unless a dog is pushing them! Really!
I has to say this - habeus unum proctor vidi. I is a lawyer dog and I has said Latin words so I has to charge you more. Lawyers am very worried about making sure we can charge you more.

I is very tired. My big brain is burning up from answering these questions! And you doesn't even has to pay me! Of course if you wanted to send me some ice creams I will be waiting by the front door when it gets here!

Posted by Shelby at 7:23 PM | Comments (2)

October 1, 2006

BOYS!

Chefjimmy <--That am my brother Jimmy! I know, I know. He gets his good looks from me!
I can't believe that HE, and he am a boy, HE can cooks his own food!
That am incredible!
Before you get to impressed though you has to look careful.
Am Jimmy cooking up ice cream?
No.
Am Jimmy cooking delicious cheese burgers?
Noooo.
Jimmy am making a SALAD!
Look! It am grass and stuff.
Even when boys does something great they is still just just BOYS!
Jimmybed
Sometimes I IS JUST GLAD I IS A GIRL!

Posted by Shelby at 3:30 PM | Comments (4)