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November 23, 2006

I bet you is thanking me for stuff!

David says I has to be thankful today.
I got a taco!
Pb170002 It were delicious!

I got to see people and play in a river. I was going to visit my dinosaur so he could be thanking me for being his boss but David were too lazy to go hunting for it.
I is supposed to be thanking people for stuff. This is hard cause when you is as great as me it seems like you is always giving more than you gets.
I guess I has to thank my Gramma cause she always writes to me.
I has to thank my brother Jimmy cause even if he is a boy he shares stuff with his big sister (that am me!) I think it am probably my Aunt Sheryl who makes him do all the sharing. First off he is a boy. Okay. Second off I has a very hard time mailing stuff. Thirdly Aunt Sheryl am a girl which mean she am already smarter than Jimmy and David puts together!
Pb180006 And I needs to thank my patients cause they all gots better. I is such a great doctor dog they had no choice.

I has to thank Ben, Robin and Blue for letting they mom cause and visit me. I let her pet me even when she didn't come with no presents for me! I is a very kind charitable dog.
I has to thank my football team cause they let me boss them! They didn't have much choice cause I is such a football genius.
I guess I has to thank David. I don't know why cause I has to do all the work around here!

Tomorrow night I has to watch a football game on TV! It am USC against the Notre Damers. Them Notre Dame guys is very bad and wants to beat us Trojans! Can you believes it!
I is going to watch the game real close and I is going to use my giant brain to send secret plays to John David. You knows if they do my secret plays there is no way they is not gong to score touchdowns so we can win!

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving. I was going to share some of my taco with you but then I decided it was smarter to eat it all!

Posted by Shelby at 10:47 AM

November 15, 2006

Happy Semi Birthday!!!

Pb150007 Today is is one and one half years old. EIGHTEEN MONTHS OLD!
Nobody gived me my own car.
I want a car that got buttons cause my feet is to short to push them pedals. I is a great driver dog so I think it would be very smart to give me my own car.
Nobody gived me no money either.
With money and a car I could drives to the store and buy ice cream and all the other nutritious foods a big dog like me needs.
I could even drives to the car wash and takes my own bath!
So you see it is very stupid of David to give me no car and no money.
What he did give me was this pigs ear but it was all rolled up and had chewy meat in it. It was very delicious. I is showing it off an looking majestic there. See?
What I did on my Semi Birthday was take cares of my patients. They had a party for me. It was a very good party cause I was there to make sure it was. I got a Frosty Paws! I think they should have given me a Frosty Paws for every month old I is.
Pb150004 That would have been very smart of them cause it would make me so happy I would be an even greater doctor dog!
You is saying, “Shelby! You is already the greatest doctor dog in the world! How could you be greater?”
If I has 18 Frosty Paws you never knows how great I could be!
David says I is supposed to think BIG thoughts on my semi birthday. I is supposed to think about all the things I has done and all the great things I is going to do.
I is a good dog and even when David asks me to do stupid things like that I tries to do them even when I knows they is stupid.
So I says to myself, “Am I still the greatest dog in the world?”
Pb150009 Of course the answer is YES!
Is I going to keep on being the greatest dog in the world?

Is I still the most beautiful dog in the world?
You look at them pictures and you know that am a stupid question and there's no way I will ever be less beautiful! So I stopped wasting time thinking big thoughts and went and finished chewing my semi birthday present.

I did have one big thought left though. I thunk about my mom and my sister Layla and my brother Ballou and then I thunk about my other brother Jimmy. It am their semi birthday too!
They is always trying to steal my glory!
It am a good thing I has enough glory to spare.




Posted by Shelby at 8:28 PM | Comments (2)

November 8, 2006

I is very upset!

Pb020001 No I isn't I is MAD!!
It seems that in my house - my house! - There is a Mister Stick-Your-Nose-Where-It-Don't-Has-No-Business-Being Mr Snoopington eavesdropper!
I is too much of a refined young girl to say who it is so I will just gives you a clue. His initials am DAVID!
You can probably figure out who it is but you didn't hears it from me.
If a girl wants to keep a diary - like me, I is the girl I is talking about - if a girl wants to keep a diary and she wants to share some of her great adventures with a few of her friends - that am you, see, you is the friends I is talking about - so if a girl wants to let some of her friends reads her diary that doesn't mean that just any old busy body curious CAT or BOY is allowed to read them words!
that am a law. And I is a lawyer so you knows I knows what I is talking about!

Pb020014 Mr Snoopington has read my diary about my great joke of hiding a monster in my bath tub! Mr Snoopington was so scared about going into the bathroom he used a trick to get me a bath!
^-== See up there. That am me before a bath. See how beautiful I is. I is just so darn cute. There am a boy dog back there too. He also got tricked. But he am a boy so what do you expect!
==> See over there that am me after I has been tortured and had everybody being mean to me. Of course I is still beautiful. I is always beautiful but now I is all fuzzy! They cut off my dreadlocks! They cut off my fighting claws!
It were terrible.
I looks like a sissy!
My football team wouldn't even play with me. See, it is one thing when a tough football playing dog scores a kajillion touchdowns against them but when a sissy looking, although a beautiful sissy looking dog beats them like I do they is just embarrassed.
A tough dog beats them and they can say, “Of course she beats us. It am SHELBY!”
But when it am a sissy dog they goes, “Oh no. What if the other guys see this beautiful sissy dog beating me! They will say you gets beats by a sissy dog and not even wait for me to tell them it were Shelby! Cause they'll say Shelby is no sissy. Shelby is tough! That weren't Shelby!”
Pb020013 I understands. It would almost be as bad a being beaten by a CAT!
I is not mad now. I was seeing my patients today and we played football at the hospital! Them adults were sure mad about that but I just tell them nurses, “I is a doctor and I out ranks you!”
We played pretty good too.
I was telling them the joke about the kangaroo and the 3 ducks. I know it is an old joke but when I tells it it am really really funny!
Pb020012 Then I was telling them the old one about the Cow and the butter churn.
You probably know that one too but remember it am me telling the jokes and when I tells a joke it is like you has never ever heard it before!

Posted by Shelby at 6:34 PM | Comments (3)

November 1, 2006

They was monsters at my house!

Pa310001 They was not really monsters! They was just boys and girls trying to trick me!
I thought that was a pretty good joke! But David, he gots pretty scared! I was laughing.
David was so scared he forgot to tells them pretend monsters so I told each one of them, “We has gived you a treat so you had better not trick us!”
Of course David didn't give me no treat! There was real monsters out there all right. I could smell them. Monsters are pretty stupid but they're not so stupid that they would want to fight with me, let me tell you! So even though I scared away all the real monsters I STILL didn't get no treat!
Giddee Upp1 Even my brother Jimmy got a treat. Look he got a cowboy hat and a cowboy collar and I bet that is a piece of cow he is chewing!
Don't that hat make Jimmy look silly? It sure do. I WANT A COWBOY HAT!
I would make a cowboy hat look beautiful and everybody knows cowgirls am much better than cowboys. THEY ARE TOO!
I wish a monster had come to our house. I'd have grabbed it and beat it up real good. Then I would have made it live in the bath tub!
You is probably thinking. “Boy Shelby sure would look great in that cowgirl hat! But why does she want to make a monster live in her bath tub?”
That is why I am the genius.
See, one day when David is all crazy and cleaning stuff he might think, “Hm. It is about time Shelby has a bath!”
Then when he goes to makes a bath BOO there's be a big old monster scaring him!
I bet he forgets about giving me a bath real fast he be so scared!
I has seen how scared boys and girls pretending to be monsters can make him so you can bet what a real monster would do!
Pa310002 That be such a good joke. ANd I wouldn't even have to get a bath so it be a perfect joke!
David is saying I did get a treat.
I don't know what he is talking about. He says he got me new flowers.
I don't know what he is talking about or why he thinks I would want flowers anyway!
That am them. They is gardenias. They just smells like dirt!

We won our game on Monday. We was playing WILDCATS! CATS!! I talked to the team. I told them we cannot be losing no game to know cats you better believe me. I explained to them that cats is smelly things that goes to the bathroom inside. They is little and sneaky and we has got a secret weapon. ME!
We scored 52 points and we didn't let them CATS score none! I can'ts believe they let CATS play at all!

Posted by Shelby at 4:51 PM | Comments (2)