December 25, 2006
This is a pretty good Christmas
Even if I didn't get me no car!
If somebody pets me on the head and gives me a cookie I just figures I is going to get the car Santa promised me.
But I didn't!
<-- That am me being pretty mad let me tell you! That is when I wokes up and ran out to the tree and there weren't no car under it!
Last night I took Charles and David on a walk to see all the Christmas lights. All the time we was walking I was telling them how nice it would be when I was driving us around in my brand new car. I would play good Christmas music and go really really fast!
You could see Charles was really excited. He is an old dog who am staying with me for Christmas.
See that am him.
He is a pretty scared dog so I is trying to be nice to him.
That am Charles there -->
I was wondering why they is now THREE boys in my house! David, Jack and now Charles. I figure they must be thinking that 3 boys am almost as good as one girl.
They is wrong! Especially when that one girl is Shelby. Shelby am me, in case you has forgots.
So I was pretty mad Christmas morning when I jumps out of bed and mean old David makes us wait till we has breakfast and goes to the bathroom (OUTSIDE! We is not cats even if they am boys!) before I can open my presents.
You can see why a girl could be mad.
When I started to open my stuff up! I couldn't stay mad no more!
Look what I got!
I don't know which is the best!
Jimmy, my brother, sent me freeze dried CHEESEBURGERS! They is delicious! That am them in that jar with the red and white cloth for a lid. See? Right there in front!
As good as them are my aunt Sheryl sent me something that is JUST AS GOOD! She did. She is a girl so she is almost as smart as me! She sent me Yummy Chummies! Us gourmets dogs understand that. Gourmet is a fancy word for eating! I is an expert eater! So I know that Yummy Chummies am a fancy word for salmon. It am so delicious!
You know. I could live on Ice Cream, Steak, Cheeseburgers and Salmon! And pizza, and some kibbles and lamb and rice and cookies! Such a simple healthy diet for a girl!
I got toys too! Very very good toys.
I got a moose! It is very lovely my moose. When you bites it it goes HARRRRRNKKKK! Near as good as a dinosaur.
You can't see it good cause Jack has his big old boy head in the way!
This is a better picture but Jack is still in it. Jack cannot leave my toys alone!
Jimmy and Aunt Sheryl chipped together and got Jack a present. I don't know why.
That am Jack's present he am playing with. It is a pretty good toy. It is a long skinny dog! It is not as good as a moose but that is why a moose is my toy!
So I figures I has had just about the greatest Christmas in the world.
Even if I didn't get the car I wanted! It was still a very very good Christmas.
I hope you was near as good as me and that you got yourself a very good Christmas too.
Like me you is probably wondering what kind of presents you is going to get tomorrow!
I is glad David was here to help make my Christmas so good, and thanks to Jimmy, Aunt Sheryl, Gramma, Ben and Robin, Alyssa, Patty, Doubting Henry, Merrie, Stephon, Gabby, Paula and Poala, Christina, Alice - they is 3 of you Alices so you all gets a big kiss cause you has to split it 3 ways - Stephen, Anthony, Dan, Don and everybody else I is too busy too remember.
You all has a Merry Christmas cause if you don't you had better watch out!
December 22, 2006
Merry Christmas to me!
Just look at all the presents I is getting!
It is a good thing too cause NONE of them is from David. It am Christmas so you see I is not calling David stingy and stupid cause I is a good girl and I is going to get even more presents from Santa!
I is going to get my car! When I was doctoring this Wednesday Santa came and he patted me on the head and he said, “Ho ho ho.” That is Santa laughing cause he has seen a good beautiful girl.
Santa asked, “Have you been a good girl?”
And I said, “Of course I has! I is Shelby!” Then he gived me a cookie!
And he said, “Then I'll be seeing you Christmas! Ho ho ho!”
That is Santa talk for you is getting lots of presents!
Most of my not Santa presents are from my brother Jimmy.
When my presents came David put them all around my tree. It was very beautiful. I just sat and looked and thought how beautiful they all was.
Now matter how much I stared at them David wouldn't give me one! They was too beautiful to get mad about that though.
I felt I was pretty lucky to have me a good brother like Jimmy. It is too bad he is a boy.
That am Jimmy there. -->
Since it am Christmas I is not going to say how stupid and crazy boys is.
You won't be hearing that kind of talk from me. No boy, not when Santa is going to bring me a car with real Doctor DOg plates and buttons I can push with my nose instead of pedals my feet is too shorts to reach.
No boy, I is not saying nothing bad even if it am the truth. I is smart!
Especially when I is standing next to boys.
Like in this picture I is looking so beautiful until Jack sticks his dumb old butt in there.
But it am Christmas and I has heard the saying that, “Boys will be boys.”
I think us girls know what that means!
Here is a picture of a boy being a boy.
Now I is going to use logic. That means I is going to tell you stuff without saying boys is crazy!
Jack is staying with me. That means he gets beats up real good EVERY DAY!
David feeds Jack EVERY DAY! I has checked careful to make sure he am not getting more food than me cause things has to be fair.
My house is very warm and very cozy. Jack has his own bed.
But do you see what dumb old Jack is wearing? -->
It is a sign that says, “ADOPT ME PLEASE”
What do you think of that?
Now why would a dog want to leave a place where it am warm and there is good food and he gets beats up by me?
Cause he am a boy!!
Jacks says he needs his own dad to take care of. I has explained to him that David is so much a boy he needs two dogs maybe even three to take care of him! Of course David is the one I shares my room with and he can only pets me.
Jack just insists he that he needs his own David because BOYS WILL BE BOYS!
But here am proof that boys is crazy and stupid boys!
See that dog over there?
<-- That am my friend Robin.
Did you see that ugly smelly thing that am right there in front of him? That thing that looks like it just went to the bathroom in the house? That thing right there?
You might not figured it out that it am a cat!!
It took me a minute to figure it out too because there am a dog and then there am a thing that is NOT getting its tail bit! That is not running all over the house and going HSSSS like it were a snake!
Cause it is not doing what a cat should be doing when it is in the same room with a dog you might not believe it am really a cat!
Now I has asked Robin why this cat is just lying there planning mean and evil things to do to a dog and not being chased like is good and right?
He says because that cat is his friend!!
Boys will be boys!!
Click this to see a great Christmas thing!! It stars me!
December 13, 2006
Nobody invited me to any Christmas parties
So I had my own.
It were a very good party. We had Frosty Paws so you know how good a party that was!
This is my Christmas Tree. My brother Jimmy sent it to me last Christmas. It is a very good tree. I has put it up on a table so that Jack does not do anything stupid to it. He is a boy dog and you knows what them dumb old boys does to trees!
See, here we is being all together. I invited Jasmine and I had to invite Jack.
Jasmine could not believe there am a stupid boy dog in my house! I told her she could beats him up and she did!
Then I beats both of them up! See! That am photographical proof that is!
We played all kinds of good games.
We played policemen and robbers. See Jack was a robber and we had to catch him and beat him up!
Then Jack was having too much fun so we Jasmine and I was the robbers and we stole Jack's treats!
Then I invented this really great game. See, I was a beautiful princess and Jasmine as a mean old dragon and Jack was a beat up old knight. In the game I was going to go rescue poor old Jack but then Jack says, “That's not right Shelby. It is supposed to be the handsome young knight who rescues the beautiful princess not the other way around.”
Well Jasmine and me just stopped.
We didn't say nothing, we just gave each other that look that us girls give to each other when we hear something dumb that a boy says.
Other than that it were an excellent party. It would have been a better party if we got pizza and more Frosty Paws. And maybe if you had shown up it would have been a little bit better.
It has got me into the Christmas spirit.
I was pretty sad before that cause I has no money this year. I had nickel but I think Jack ate it. I left it in the yard and now it is gone! So I can't send out no gifts. I can't even buys any for myself!
But I is still in a good holiday mood cause I has a great tree and a good party to remember.
You be in a good mood too!
December 6, 2006
Guess who this is!
I am Jack!
I has had me a whole lot of names but right this very minute they is calling me Jack.
Once they called me Frodo! And before then before then they callled me Pooch! And before then they called me GETTHEHECKOUTOFHERE!
I has got so many names I is kind of like a super secret agent! Like I am on dangerous missions going everyplace in the world! I am a very exciting dog you can easy see that. I am a very exciting dog!
Right now, right this minute I am staying at Shelby's house.
You know what, you know what? You won't guess what. Shelby thinks she is the greatest dog in the world. She really thinks she is the greatest dog in the world.
She is pretty great that am for sure. She is pretty great.
Did you know she is a doctor? She is a doctor dog. She told me she was and she is. That is pretty great.
But you know what? I can bend around real real real fast and run real fast and it is so fast I can catch my tail!
I really can do that. That is just as great as Shelby being a doctor. You can all see that. It is just as great.
So I am just as great as Shelby.
Shelby is a very beautiful dog. I can see that. If she weren't always making me play games where she wins I would really like her she is so beautiful.
But look at me! I am just as beautiful. I am just as beautiful as Shelby!
I am living with Shelby while I am waiting to get my forever home.
Just until I get my forever home.
I don't know what a forever home is but I bet it is pretty great.
I think this house is Shelby's forever home and it is pretty great but we have to share it with this real big dog. He is very big and he walks around on his back feets all the time. He always walks on his back two feets.
He always has cookies too!
Shelby and I agree that he must be pretty stupid because he always has cookies but we is not eating cookies all the time!
I like the big dog. He gave me Frosty Paws!
That is the greatest food I has ever tasted. Frosty Paws! I will never forget that name Frosty Paws.
I like him even if he is stupid but Shelby says he belongs to her.
Another stupid thing he does. He yells words at me and then if I do what those words are he gives me a cookie!
That is pretty good. He yells SIT! When I sit he gives me a cookie.
But if I don't sit or if I sit when he's not yelling, guess what. I don't get no cookie.
Anytime I don't get no cookie I think that is pretty stupid.
He is pretty nice though. I hope I gets me a forever home pretty soon. I has not had one and I think me having one would be a good thing. I bet in my forever home I be getting cookies all the time!
Shelby has taught me how to talk to the computer. It is very easy cause I am so great.
Shelby and I also agree that cats are stupid and that they should not go to the bathroom inside!
December 2, 2006
Look what David has done now!
I knows how magnificent I looks. Stop looking at me!
Look at that very stupid ugly thing over there.
Does you see it?
Here am a better picture of a stupid thing.
Isn't that sad?
I would feel sorry for him except stupid David has bought him to live in MY HOUSE!
Can you believes the nerve of him!
I will tell you why he am so stupid and ugly.
He am a boy dog!
HE IS and that am easy to believe I can tell you.
He is Jack and he comes into MY HOUSE and he is shouting, “I is Jack and I is the greatest dog in the world!”
Me, I just goes, “Ahem.” I don't makes the noise I really says just that all soft and sweet in my beautiful voice I says, “Ahem. I is Shelby and I think we all knows that I is the greatest dog in the world.”
When he hears that I am the Shelby he sure got nothing more to say to that let me tell you! Being a boy he does say, “You got any food I can have?”
So I turns to David and I says still all sweet and very lady like just like I were a Queen, I says, “David, please tell me why this stinky smelly BOY dog am in my house, please tell me.”
You won't believe what he said even after I tells you. “Shelby Jack has lost his home. He is going to stay with us until he finds a new home. He has no place else to live.”
Only a stupid BOY dog could lose his home but I guess I has to be nice even if he does smell terrible. I thinks to myself at least it am not a stupid cat! Although that will probably be next!
Since he is going to be here FOR A LITTLE WHILE I figure I had better trains him up some and teaches him some things. I guess even a dumb old boy can learns him something even if I don't know what!
See he bought him a toy with him. Being a boy he bought him the wrong kind of football! I still is going to teach him how to play real good. It were real hard cause he am so dumb.
I is working so hard trying to teach Jack ANYTHING I forgets to go in an coach my Trojans. Without me them Trojans LOST!!
I apologizes for that but I had to teach this dog something or he was going to drives me crazy!
Then I stops cause my giant super brain figured something out!
Remember when they was trying to clone me so they could make kajillions of super dogs me?
It did not work! I know because I still has not met a dog as good as me!
I figure this is more of they evil plots. They can't grow another dog as great as me cause I is a miracle! So they thinks they can trick me to teaching another dog to be near as good as me!
HAH! See how stupid they is!
They could have at least started with a girl dog instead of this silly thing!
I is still going to beat Jack up real good and I will try to teach him something! It will be hard too! So I should gets lots of ice cream!
Send it to me now!