January 29, 2007
You is probably thinking I vanished!
I'm right here.
I is just so mad about so many things that every time I started to write something else would make me mad all over again!
It is a good thing I has the patience of a saint! I is very saintly you know.
David broked my computer and I didn't even bite him. (I figure he done it on purpose so I wouldn't tell you about the stupid stuff he's been doing!)
He lost all them beautiful pictures of me and he didn't cry big tears and I STILL didn't bite him!
I wanted to but I didn't.
I is mad because I has trained two dogs and got them forever homes. It were a lot of work too. David is terrible when it comes to training a dog good.
But now that Jack and Charles has they forever homes I HAS NO ONE TO PLAY WITH! Except David and he is so easy to beat in just about any good game.
This am Freckles. She is a baby. He has a forever home but she comes to see me because even though she is only a baby he wanted to meet the greatest dog in the world. I smelled her butt!
I taught her a couple of good games and gave her some good advice.
"Don't be a stupid cat!"
"Always get your treats first and then do what they asks you to do!"
Then I taught Freckles so good they took her away. She had nothing left to learn THEY THINK!
But the big reason I is so mad isn't because I has no car or airplane.
Its because David thinks I needs a bath!!
My Aunt Sheryl had her a car wreck! I bet my brother Jimmy was driving. Boy drivers is the worst in the world!
I wants her to get healthy again.
January 7, 2007
Nobody appreciates how great I really is!
I has found Charles a home!
You remember Charles?
He was that little guy who kept eating my foods!
He has him a forever home now!
I feels pretty good about this. I worked hard training him to be a great dog.
Now the biggest news is that ugly old dumb Jack might have him a home too!
I know that am very hard to believes but it is true whether you believes it or not.
These people came over and visited us. David talked too much of course so I didn't have a chance to ask my good questions!
In case you ever is in a similar situation I is going to write my questions out for you.
1) What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
- We don't believe ice cream is good for a dog!
- All ice cream is very delicious so any flavor!!
2) We eats ice cream:
- Once a day
- Three times a day
- Any time at all. You can never have too much ice cream!
- Too full of fat
- A good food once in a while
- There is nothing better than cheeseburgers and ice cream all day long!
4) A dog should be loved
- I loves cats!
- Always when I have time
Now here am how to figure out them scores.
If they picks any number 1 answers don't you let them comes near a dog!
If they picks any number 2 answers you has to write to me to thinks about it.
If they picks all number 3 answers they is very good people and I will ask them to come lives in my house so they can teach David some stuff!
I didn't get to ask my important questions but I think these people will be all right. That is a professional opinion. I is a professional dog.
I has trained Jack pretty good. He still don't know how to tell jokes real good and sometimes he thinks he was won games when it is very clear he has not! But he gets beat up real good and knows to go to the bathroom outside.
He is a boy and that could be all he'll ever be able to do real good.
David says that if things go well for Jack I'll have to train me another dog!!
I keeps asking him how much I is going to get paid for all this good training I does and he just gives me a cookie and never talks about how much money I has gots coming!
I figure he owes me at least a nickle. I is saving up now to buy me an airplane!
Now that I has helped USC wins the Rose Bowl tomorrow I has to help Ohio wins the National Championship!
You see I hardly has anytime to do anything just for me.
That am what happens when you is the greatest dog in the world. You never has enough time to take care of yourself!
January 1, 2007
This am a special announcement for New Years!
For one thing it may be New Year for you but it am just the same for me! See it am a new year for me in MAY! You should celebrates that one too. That means you can all have so much fun GIVING ME PRESENTS!!
A couple of weeks ago that dog JACK stoled my computer and used it to talk to you. I didn't say nothing cause I is such a lady but I were pretty mad!
This time I has INVITED Charles to tell you stuff. (See Jack - Charles am invited he is not stealing like some other dogs who lives in my house!)
I'm a dog.
I'm a boy dog.
Shelby is the dog who bosses the house where I is living.
She says boy dogs is not so great as girl dogs.
I don't know about that.
Nope. I just don't know about that.
I used to have a house that I bossed.
I really actually did. I didn't boss it much.
I could have if I wanted too but I like the way things go just fine.
Most of the time.
I liked my house pretty good. Pretty good.
I loved the people who lived there with me too. They lived with me for eight years.
One day them people said, “Come on Charles.”
So I did and they took me to this big building where there were lots of other dogs.
They said, “Charles you are living here now. You can't live with us anymore.”
I said, “okay.” I didn't like it but what you going to do.
There was a big old lady who had a badge and she took me away. I had to walk past them other dogs. Some of them were pretty mad and they was yelling and cussing. I don't hold much with cussing. Especially cussing in front of ladies.
I lived in that big place for 2 months.
There were a lot of dogs there. They would come and then some of them would go.
Some of them dogs talked to me.
Some of them talked about Shelby. They said Shelby was very smart. She picked up garbage on the road and she then took that garbage to people and she talked them people into giving her money for that garbage. Then she used that money to buy food for us dogs that lived in the Animal Shelter.
I has to agree that is pretty smart. Pretty smart.
Shelby is pretty smart even if she is wrong to think girls are better than boys and that she thinks I should talk to this computer.
One day a lady came who didn't have no badge. She took me away to a house with some children. That were pretty good.
Then they went on vacation and I got to come stay in Shelby's house. There was other dogs there.
There is Jack who is always trying to smell my butt. There is David who Shelby thinks is stupid. She is right. She is also right that that big dog always has him some good treats even if he is pretty stingy with them treats. There is a lady who lets me sleep in her lap. That's pretty good.
I got to eat Shelby's food!
That made her pretty mad but I still did it and she never beat me up.
Most of the time she is beating up Jack and playing with thier Christmas presents. Shelby gave me a Christmas present too. I ate it.
I had races with all them dogs. I didn't win but I won part of the time.
I had a seizure the other night. Them seizures are pretty scary but I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and they'll look at me. Then I gets a forever home. Shelby says that these new people won't ever take me back to the Animal Shelter and I will always have a good house.
I like that. I did not like the Animal Shelter. They weren't mean to me but they didn't let me sleep in their laps and pet me on the head.
I would like to have a forever home.
Shelby is talking to me.
She says I has talked enough and I am so supposed to say Happy New Year.
That were Charles. This year you had all better say to you selfs, “I is going to be nicer to dogs! I is going to take good food to the Animal Shelters.” If you doesn't I will find out and bite you on you butts!
I is Shelby!
Happy new year!
Jack don't say nothing. He has my good Christmas moose. Ha ha. Like I isn't going to takes it back in a second!