February 28, 2007
Who says I don't talks good English!
I doesn't has to!
I speaks perfect dog! I has little bit of a Belgian accent but everybody thinks that is so cute. Anyway I bet I speaks English better than you talks dog!
Noelle. What am I going to do with her.
I works so hard trying to teach her stuff but she just don't listen.
I can't even teaches her that she is not a cat!
Everybody knows what a great teacher I is so if she is not learning stuff it is all her fault!
It is so!
I thinks about what I is going to do about her and I gets my giant brain so worked up I has to take a nap!
Then when Miss Noelle wakes me up I has forgot the answer to the question!
It is a good thing I is a great doctor and a great lawyer. Teaching Noelle ANYTHING is too hard a job. So I let old David worry about it!
Then I can just looks over his shoulder and tells him he is doing it all wrong and then laughs a little bit when David is not looking!
Sometimes it is hard to believe that Noelle is a girl and not a dumb old boy. I think a lot of it is that she thinks she is a cat.
She does make me know something. I has decided to be a psychiatrist dog! When I does that I can looks right at people and go, “You IS CRAZY!!” And you will have to believe it because I is a doctor psychiatrist dog!
It is a good thing I is a great lawyer dog.
I has another client!
Of course it am a boy. My brother Jimmy!
He has been falsely and maliciously accused of a first degree misdemeanor!
That is lawyer talk for “Jimmy has been naughty!”
It is a good thing he has come to me. I don't know why but that am another thing lawyers is always saying on TV.
“It am a good thing you has come to me, Jimmy!”
My clients has been accused of stealing a “Hello Kitty” wallet!
This is a very bad crime.
I watches a lot of TV and eats popcorn so I knows what a lawyer does. I examined the evidence and talked to the witnesses!
My Aunt, who is also Jimmy's mom says, “I came home. Jimmy was in the window saying hello! When I came in he was very good and didn't jump on me. He just waited to be petted.”
So I says, “Hmmmm.” Lawyers always says , “Hmmmm.” I think it is supposed to make people think you care about what they is saying.
“Hmmmm. So Jimmy were being a very very good dog?”
“Well, yes, I guess so.” See how I tricked her into saying Jimmy was a good dog!!!! That is great lawyering!
“Then I noticed that the cat was sleeping in Jimmy's bed,” she said.
“You makes a good dog lives with a cat! We pleads not guilty because living with a cat would make anybody crazy!!”
“Nikki is a very good cat,” she didn't listen to me and kept ignoring that I was interrupting her!
“I saw my wallet, right there is Jimmy's bed! And it was all chewed up! Jimmy is a naughty boy!”
“Excuse me, ” I said, all delicate and proper. “You never saw the wallet in Jimmy's mouth?”
“Please just answer the question and I reminds you that you is under oath.” I don't know what that means but lawyers am always saying that!
“You has admitted Jimmy am a good boy. You has never ever seen the wallet in Jimmy's mouth. You said the wallet was lying right next to the cat who were sleeping in Jimmy's bed!”
“Yes, that is right,” my aunt said.
“I know who has done the crime. I has solved the whole case. I is such a genius!”
My aunt said, “Shelby, it was not the cat. Okay?”
“I know it weren't the cat. Cats is very sneaky and very lazy things.” They smells terrible too but I didn't say that in court. “If a cat had stoled that wallet it would have left it someplace stupid not all nice and neat in Jimmy's bed! And if Jimmy had stoled the wallet he would just have chewed it up and left it in the middle of the room. He am a boy, you know. No, only one thing is sneaky enough - like a cat is sneaky - and smart enough - like a girl is smart - to have chewed up the wallet and then hid the evidence!”
“It were Noelle!”
My aunt said, “Shelby, Noelle has never even been to my house!”
I said, “That am just how sneaky she am! CASE CLOSED!”
This am Jimmy celebrating being found innocent, thanks to my lawyering skills! He thinks he looks dashing.
February 23, 2007
My name is Noelle
And I am a princess.
If you think that I do not look like a princess then I have to ask you, “How many princesses have you seen?” Not many I'll bet because if you really really knew what princesses look like you would take one look at me and say, “Why, there's a real princess for sure!”
You probably wonder why a great beautiful princess is living with Shelby!
When I was just a little tiny puppy some bad guys stole my mom and held her for a ransom! Even though I was very little I started searching for her to rescue her. I have had to fight all kinds of monsters and ogres and all kinds of terrible things. None of them could beat me up though!
Those bad guys might be bad but they is plenty smart. I couldn't find her.
I was still fighting monsters though. Some of them monsters look like people! Really, just like regular people.
They has a trick. They would go, “Come here pretty princess,” and then they'd hold out a cookie and when I comes close, because I was always really really hungry, them monster people would try and hit me or catch me!
You can see how very brave I am! It is just a plain fact.
I was out hunting one day when suddenly them bad guys dropped a big old net on me! I fought and fought that old net but it was no use. They was too big and too many of them. I was captured.
What I was thinking was them bad guys will take me to my mother and I will still win!
Them old bad guys tricked me! They took me to this big place that had cages in it. I had to live in a cage like a common criminal!
It wasn't that bad. I got to play through the bars with other puppies and I got very good food every day! That is very nice when you can eat every day, let me tell you! You should try it even if you are not a princess!
A lot of people who were not monsters or bad guys came to see me.
They all knew I was a beautiful princess. I was a little bit scared of them cause you never can tell who is a good person and who is a bad guy, or maybe even a monster. I have studied this very hard and you just never can tell! That is why I am always so very careful when I sees anybody. Sometimes the monster ones make themselves look like people you think are nice.
So there I was in prison and I was planning a brilliant escape when this lady came and scooped me up and took me to this house.
I have never been in a house before. They are very mysterious. They have these things in them called DOORS! Doors are very bad. They keep you from going places where you want to go!
I was worried because I figured they was going to torture me! Especially when I saw this big ugly thing that they called a David!
But then I saw SHELBY! Then I knew everything was going to be okay. All of us dogs in prison know about Shelby. She is very great. Not so great as a princess, which is what I am, but she is very great.
I told Shelby that I was a princess and that I was on a magical quest to find my mom and my fabulous palace. Isn't that a great word - fabulous. Us princesses use words like that a lot.
Shelby said I was probably looking for my forever home and that she would help me find it.
Can you believe it - Shelby is going to help me find my palace.
I am very happy. Except that mean old David lives in Shelby's house. I don't know why she lets him stay. I have already figured out where the ice cream and the treats are. What do we need him for! He just fusses at a princess way too much! Like what I do is any of his business!
I has told you this just by talking. Shelby says it is because I am using her computer but I know that it is really fairies! You can come visit me. I am a princess but I am not stuck up!
February 18, 2007
This am Noelle
As if I didn't have enough to do!
This am Noelle. She is not the beautiful black dog. That am me. She is the pretty dog over by me.
This am a picture of my trying to teaches her how to play some good games I has invented. She finally figured it out but it was hard work for yours truly let me tell you.
Being famous like I is helps sometimes. She was just going to lie around and be scared and silly stuff like that but when she learned she was going to be living in my house she sure got past that in a hurry.
She kept saying over and over again, “Is you the Shelby!!”
And I said, “Of course I is! I has got two toys in my mouth. You has to try and takes them from me!” I always stick to what I is trying to teaches them.
Sides that I likes to play. Especially with all the great games I makes up. I invented the “I has two cow ears and you has none” just right there. I hardly had to think about it at all!
That is just a teeny reason why I is so great. I is probably the greatest game inventor that ever lived!
I can't talks too much more.
Dumb David has broked my computer. AGAIN!!
I don't know what I is going to do with him sometimes.
I will help him fix it and then I will talks to you more about Noelle.
She is just a little bit older than a baby so I has got her in plenty of time to teaches her about being great.
Right now the most important thing is she has to learn how to play and that she is not a cat who goes to the bathroom inside!
February 16, 2007
I is in a hurry!
You all knows I is a big wrestling fan. I has to watch it to get ideas on better ways to beat people up!
I likes the Rock. I likes to say when he says, “Do you smell what the Rock is cooking!” Only I says, “Do you smell what Shelby is cooking!” because Shelby is my name.
The Rock is hardly ever on anymore but I still likes Degeneration X. they is very funny!
This week there wasn't no wrestling on! I was pretty mad about this. Then I seen that it was a show about dogs!
I watched this pretty close. They was dogs on there near as beautiful as me. I know it is hard to believe but it is true!
Then the show got all stupid. A dog that looked like Charles won! You remember Charles? All I can say is that they is stupid if they thinks Charles is greater than me.
I also think they should have more playing with the dogs on TV. They should show who is the greatest playing dog.
Then to top it all off I got pictures of my brother!
Look at that picture of Jimmy very close.
Does you see it?
He got magic shoes!
My mouth fell open and a fly flew into it! (It were very delicious.)
Jimmy has got magic shoes with real silver stripes on thems. Look!
And you know what else?
He has inherited my superpowers!
See he has superpower eyes JUST LIKE ME!
And look at them magic shoes! They is just all glowing away all crazy. You know they is going to do something fantastic!
But I hasn't got no magic shoes! You know that if I did I would they would make a kajillion times better magic because I would boss them right like a proper lady and I wouldn't boss them all goofy like some old boy!
And if that weren't bad enough; I mean no wrestling, the TV says Charles is the greatest dog in the world and no magic shoes: The dog I was supposed to teach and beat up didn't come!
Some people thought that they would give this Noelle dog a forever home but then they never showed up!
Adults is always doing that sort of stuff, making promises and then not doing them. That is very stupid of them. I said it, Stupid!
But they is good news. You know that when I is around they is always good news to come.
Noelle is coming here tomorrow!
I is going to teach her real real good stuff. And I is going to be real nice to her. I is always nice! I heard that. I is always nice.
But I is going to be extra special nice and then mean old stingy David will say, “Shelby, you are so good that I am going to get you a pair of magic shoes!”
Then I can fly and go beat everybody up. Especially the one who said I wasn't always nice!
February 10, 2007
I has to be lawyering some
I has a friend who they has falsely said is a bad boy! I is taking his case pro bono. That is lawyer talk for I gets a big old bone when I win. Usually I gets a nickel. Good lawyers is very expensive. I is worth it.
They is very means to this poor dog. They makes him live with cats!! In the very same house they has cats with him.
Poor poor dog. This is a terrible mean thing to do to him. Sometimes he gets a little crazy and may do some things that some mean people would say is bad.
If you ever had to live with a cat you would probably gets a little crazy too! You might chew a shoe sometimes if you had to live with a mean old ugly cat! You might. I wouldn't but then I is Shelby and I is too smart to get myself trapped in the same house with a smelly old cat. Cats go to the bathroom in the house and nobody calls them bad boy for it!!
Now that I is his lawyer I is going to sue and gets him lots of treats and pets. My friend is very smart to get a girl lawyer dog. That is surprising cause he is a boy and we all know boys is just a little bit smarter than cats!
February 4, 2007
Happy Super Bowl Day