April 30, 2007
I is teaching!
April 26, 2007
This is a report!
Today I is telling on people!
I is going to see my first student Jack next month at a big dog walk. We is walking to find homes for all them poor dogs. It is a great honor to be a dog walking there so of course I is going. So is Jack!
I will smell him and tells you all about him.
Next I has heard from Noelle. She has changed her name! She is now Charli!!
I will have to think about that. Charli sounds a little bit like a cat name!
To prove she am not no cat she has sent me this picture.
She am beating up a cat!
Now, normally I would think that is very good. It shows she may has got the cat all out of her.
When I looks at it closer I sees it am not a real cat! It am a toy cat.
That makes me think about all the toys of mine that she beats up because she was so mad she couldn't beats me up!
Charli (Noelle) says she is very happy in her for ever home. She says she has more toys than me now!!
I is writing back to her and saying that am because you has beaten all my toys up!!
I has made David go and visit the puppy who lived in my yard. He tooks along a bone recorder. That am a very special invention of mine. You holds it up to a dog and then it remembers everything they has said! I is such a genius!
You remember me?
I remember Shelby and David!
I live in a dog shelter now. See?
We calls it being in stir.
I think we call it stir because we sure stirs up a ruckus!
I did not think I would like it here. I was nervous about it but I gets food EVERY DAY!
I gets walks EVERY DAY!
And this is the best part. I gets pets EVERY DAY!
I am pretty darn lucky, let me tell you!
Some of the dogs don't like it here. They are always fussing and carrying on. For me it is so much better than the way I was living. I has two toys!
Shelby was right, this is a lot better. I miss Shelby though. She was teaching me to fight.
The only part I did not like was this doctor who came. Shelby told me it would happen but I didn't believe her. That doctor poked me right in my butt! Then he stuck me with a needle!!
I was going to bite him real hard but I remembered that Shelby is a doctor and she said that sometime doctors has to do that - hurt you a little so you gets to feeling real good.
Shelby was right! After them shots I felt better and better!
I was real happy when I saw David come up. I was sad that the Shelby couldn't come. Some of these dogs is very mean and they don't believe that Shelby is my friend!
But you know what? David is very stupid and very ugly but he is the best petter in the world!
I see now why Shelby puts up with him. When he pets you you just feel good all over!
I sure wish I could get petted all the time.
I bet that there are some other people who are as good at rubbing a tummy as David!
David says that pretty soon I will have my own forever home.
I think that will be very nice.
I think that would be great!!
I don't want to get too excited though because I has had a lot of dreams and the only one that has come true was getting to play with Shelby. But it sure would be something if I got my own home.
I would boss it real good and fights and fights and get petted and petted.
You know what?
I'm not afraid anymore!
And I am happy.
I think I could be happier though. I sure know how happy I was when David came to visit me.
He says that if I don't get a forever home real fast I can come live with Shelby and him!
That would be so great.
I can't believe how lucky I am.
See, I has friends now and that is the luckiest thing to have.
You doesn't has to be sad if you have no friends because I will be your friend. Nothing can be better than that!
I am going to go play with my toys now.
I am now 16 weeks old!
April 22, 2007
I is so generous
Even though J-Dog am stupid I is going to let her tell yous all about herself.
I has set up my computer and made David stop doing whatever stupid stuff he was doing so we could do the important stuff and have J-Dog talks to you.
I has been so busy doctoring, lawyering and keeping David out of trouble I has had hardly anytime for myself. Of course I has to beats up J-Dog 3 or 4 times a day. She thinks one day she will win. I say HAH! HAH! to that, let me tells you. I will lets J-Dog tells you whatever a dog with no name has to tells you.
I don't know what she's going to say. And I will never knows because I is not listening.
I is taking a nap!
Just so you knows. I is not dirty and needing a bath in this picture. I has been beating up J-Dog. She knows some sneaky tricks but she don't know enough of them to beats me up! I is definitely not needing no bath though!
I'm a mom dog!
I am so.
Shelby is right about one thing. Us mom dogs are the most beautiful and smartest dogs there are!
And I am a mom dog!
It is very funny though.
I don't know where my puppies are!
I was living in a very nice house. It is much nicer than Shelby's house. So much nicer. For one thing it didn't have David living there! That should tell you right away how nice my used to be house was!
Then I had my babies!
Oh, they were so beautiful. You could tell everyone wanted to be the mom to anyone of my babies. They were pretty and smart. So pretty and so smart.
That is not a picture of one of my puppies. That is a puppy that ran away from home to visit us. I was very nice to her. That is just the way us mom dogs are. We're just so nice to everyone.
Anyway, I had my puppies. I took such good care of them. I cleaned them and licked them and made sure each one of them was fed real good! Just the sort of thing a great mom does, you know?
Then one day they little eyes opened up. It was so exciting. They didn't talk too good but I know they were going, “LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL OUR MOM IS!” They probably said some more things but that is the important one I remember them wanting to say.
So one day their little eyes opened up and then the next day they were all gone!!
I went outside to go to the bathroom and when I came back they was gone!
I was starting to look for them when the people I stayed with. I don't even remember them really, they grabbed me by the collar and put me in the car.
At first I was thinking, “They are trying to help me look for my puppies!” I tried to tell them I could do better just smelling and not going so fast and so far but like most people they didn't listen. That is why I would rather be with dogs then people sometimes. Like David is a nice people. He always has treats and gives very good tummy rubs but he will put you in prison for doing nothing! Like if he leaves a piece of pizza on the counter and I takes it, WHAM, I am in prison!
So the people I was staying with they just kept driving and driving. I was looking out the window real hard looking for my puppies and I was thinking, “Boy. I has no idea where I am! I don't know how these people think my puppies could come this far. My puppies legs and feet were very little!”
Then they stopped the car and I got out and you know what?
They drove away!
I yelled after them, “Good idea! You look over there and I will look for them puppies over here!”
I never saw them people again.
I looked and looked and looked but I never saw my puppies again either. I looked until I was so hungry I couldn't look for puppies anymore. I had to look for food.
I worried about them little puppies when the rain came and worried more about them when it got real cold and it snowed.
I thought about them and hoped I had taught them enough so they'd know to all huddle together so they could stay warm.
I had no one to cuddle with so I was pretty cold but I could usually find me some food. Some of it was food that did not taste too good but I ate it anyway.
Then when it was really cold I found a garbage can and it was full of good food to eat. I ate so much I had to take a nap. It was nice in that can let me tell you!
I woke up and this man was putting me in a cage! He drove me to the shelter. there I got pretty good food EVERY DAY! I had to get shots and this one Doctor poked me in my butt!
I got to go outside with this lady and it was okay. There were some crazy dogs there, but remember, I am a mom dog so I know how to talk to them crazy dogs. They are no more crazy than a baby but they have sharper teeth so you have to be a little careful!
I was living there and I was starting to get used to it. When new dogs would come in I would talk to them and tell them it was going to be okay.
When you're a mom dog that is kind of your job!
Then the lady who took me out for walks said I was going to live with Shelby!
I had heard about Shelby but I had never met her.
So I got to go in another car. You must think, “Boy she sure gets to travel a lot!”
I met Shelby and I said, “I'm a mom dog so you had better do what I say!”
Shelby just said, “Humph. You're not part cat are you?”
I said, “Them's fighting words!”
Shelby just said, “Humph. I has got to teaches you to be a good dog so you can find a forever home.”
“I am a mom dog and I that is better than being a good dog!”
Shelby just said, “Humph. David, give her a cookie. She's going to be a lot of work.”
And I got a cookie. And now I have a big yard to play in and I get to fights with Shelby every day. I'm pretty happy.
Shelby was right about one thing. When you're living as nice as I've been living here you start to wish you could have your own forever home. Shelby picks on David. Well, he is very ugly and stupid and he would be much better off if he listened more to Shelby and to me, but I would like my own person to teach stuff to.
I hope I get a forever home soon.
April 15, 2007
It is rainy today!
So I don't get to play outside.
I has got almost nothing to do and you can't have many great adventures when you is inside all the time!
Well, you can but then you gets in BIG trouble. And I knows what I is talking about when I says BIG trouble!
I think BIG trouble is the only kind worth getting into. You might gets into trouble but you can has so much fun getting there.
Some of the BIG trouble fun I has had nobody has found out yet. AND I PLANS TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!
First I has to tell you. The little dog is doing really good. I knew that she would be. David has promised me that if she is not found a forever home in 11 more days she will stay with me until she does.
That is pretty smart of him and he hardly ever has any smart ideas so you know why I was so amazed!
See that little guy there.
<-- Stop looking at me and look at that picture!
Don't she look just like that little dog? Except all cleaned up and not scared!
That am Nori.
I don't know what that name means!
Shelby means the biggest bestest dog in the world. You can look it up!
I don't know what Nori means.
I has just figured it out! The No part is from the latin meaning NOT and ri is from the noises cats make! So her name means NOT A CAT!
That is a very good name.
Not being a cat is something to be proud of!
Nori is a girl so she is smart enough to write to me to ask how to be as big and beautiful as me!
See how smart she is. She wants to join my school!
I doesn't have a school!
If I did it would be terrible expensive.
It would cost a nickel!
See how big Nori's eyes got thinking about how a nickel is a bargain to learns from me!
Then Nori wants me to do something that would cost a kajillion nickels!! She wants me to teach the people in her house to be smarter!!!!
Nori I has been trying to make David smarter for almost TWO YEARS!
Now I'm sure your people has to be smarter than David. But teaching people how to rub a tummy gooder and when to feed you (alll the time) is very very difficult.
I know! I will teaches you how to teaches them!
But if you teaches any other dogs how to do it you has to give me half the money!
This am my friends Blue and Robin.
They am boys.
You can kind of tell cause they is sitting on people furniture.
Robin is pretty smart for a boy and he is very brave. Blue just pretends he am.
Robin has writted to me because Blue is too much of a boy to figure out how you talks to a computer.
(Too much of a boy is how I figured out how to say he is stupid without hurting stupid boys' feeling! I is very kind as well as beautiful.)
Robin says that Blue says, “Why does my people takes me to a stupid class and make me do stupid things. All them people is saying STAY real loud and when I sees them other dogs is staying I likes to go over and smell they butts! Then my mom gets all mad and says NO BLUE STAY and she puts me right back where I started and I says this is stupid and I wants to sit over there and I goes and sits there! And she gets all mad and then we starts it all over again. Why does I have to do this stupid stay thing?”
Boys! I is shaking my head.
I bet all of you knows the answer to this question. It am so easy.
Blue, you has to do the stupid stay thing so you can get the cookie!!
So you can see Janine - J-Dog - Jade is still living in my house.
She is crazy!
Look at how stupid she runs!
I is still trying to teach her how to be a dog so she can find a forever home.
She says she wants to talk to you people but when I says, “J-Dog, has you got a name yet?”
She says, “NO! I am too busy playing and figuring out how to steal your food!”
So I says, “J-Dog. When you is going to tell people about you self the first things you has to tells them am your name! Or else they won't know who you is talking about when you is telling them about you!”
She says, “I don't care. I am going to just keep living with you!”
So I just breathes out real heavy and shakes my head and says, “If any of my cookies is missing I know a certain dog whose butt is going to get bit!”
I'm going to take a nap and wait for the rain to stop.
April 11, 2007
Even though I is a hero I is sad
I will tell you why I is sad first.
It is not fair that bad peoples always make the most trouble for good dogs and good kids!
You just think about that for a minute.
See, you know I is, as usual, right!
And if you looks at my picture there you can see how serious and dignified I is looking so you know I is very serious with all the stuff I is saying.
I is always serious but right now I is even more serious than usual. I is wearing my doctor and my lawyer collars at the same time!
Bad people has to be given a good talking too!
If they don't listen good they has to be bit in they butts!
I has paid very careful attention to TV and to all the stuff I sees.
If a bad guy hits a kid they gets the police to put him in prison. Then they puts the kid in the hospital where they is nothing but a bunch of busy busy people. The poor kid is all scared and everything. If them kids is lucky they will be my patients. I will teaches them good games and then they will know they hasn't got to be scared no more cause they has Shelby to protect them.
When bad guys is mean to a dog they is not even that lucky!
See that poor puppy there?
Bad guys has been very mean to her.
She escaped!! All on her own she just escaped!
She were all wet, hungry and scared so of course she has gone and looked for me!
I had David give her some medicinal treats.
When she had some strength back she says, “Are you Shelby?”
I said, “Of course I is!”
She said, “Hooray! I has been so scared. No body ever played with me. Nobody petted me. I was always lonely. I am not big and strong like you Shelby. I am so little I was scared too!”
She was shaking and so sad I didn't tell her she smelled funny too.
Then she asked me, “Can I come live here with you?”
I knew she was going to ask that so I was ready. I said, “Litle dog you can stay here and stay dry and warm but we have to finds the people who owns you. I is a lawyer and if we don't looks for them they could say we has stoled you!”
“Please don't make me go back there!! I will tell them I doesn't want to live there anymore. They won't even knows I is gone!”
“I understand, little dog, but people made laws because they is stupid and doesn't think about how dogs feel. ”
See, in that picture she is smiling cause I has taught her some games to play. Then I explains to David that this little dog is staying with us. Then I told David he had to go find this little girl's parents and tell them where she is.
David said okay cause he could see I was mad about a little dog being scared and all. He didn't try and give me any of his usual lazy excuses for not doing what I tells him!
So David did whatever it is he does and I taughts the puppy stuff. Mainly I taught her that she is not no cat! I made sure she had plenty of J-Dogs food so she could sleep all warm and comfy.
Then David says, “I think I know where she lives.”
I said, “Oh ho! Then I is coming to have a talk with them!”
I yells at them, “Hey is you the stupid bad peoples who was mean to a little dog? If you is I is protecting that little dog now and you is getting you butts bit real good before she comes to live with you again!”
They pretended they didn't hear me! Little dog was sitting right next t me and she starts dancing and yelling at them too! “Here I am! Shelby will bites you butt if you is mean to me! She will she will she will.” She kept yelling that until I said out the side of my mouth, “Knock it of will you!”
But them people they just ignored her real good too!
David said stuff but who cares what he said. Me and little dog had already said the important stuff.
Then we all went back into my house.
This next part is what made me sad. I said, “little dog. You is going to have to go to the shelter.”
She was real sad then. “Why? I want to stay with you and play all the time and have fun and eat a lot of cookies!”
“I know,” I said. “But you has to see doctors and get your butt poked. This way you will get to find a real forever home where you'll have people to boss who will love you and keep you safe!”
She said, “I already has all that with you!”
“I know,” I said. “Even I has to do stuff I doesn't like sometimes. You'll be okay. They will takes good care of you and not be mean to you. I will come visit you and we'll go on walks. You'll see. It will be okay. Honest!”
“Okay, if you say so Shelby. You are smart and I trust you.” I think she was going to cry.
“You will be a little scared at first but you just remember that I is your friend and I has promised you that everything will be okay.”
And that is why I is so mad at bad people. Because even when they is all done being bad to a dog the badness doesn't just stop.
April 8, 2007
Happy Easter Bunny Day!
I had an egg! But I didn't get no chocolate bunny!
See, that is what I mean when I says David is so selfish! Like we could go broke if I had one little bitty tiny chocolate bunny!
I sure notice that we has PLENTY of his foods around! Plenty!
And he hardly ever shares.
He says, “Chocolate is not good for dogs, Shelby.” Hah! That is just his terrible weak excuse to save him moneys so he can take the bus to work!
I is suffering so much.
I has ANOTHER job now. You know I is a great alarm clock dog. That is much better than being a watch dog. I has to wake this ladie up and for doing that I gets a NICKEL! Every week!
You is probably impressed and very jealous. I understands that.
I has been calling helicopter stores but none of them understands doggish! How stupid is they!
So I emails them. “How many nickels am you bestest helicopter?” But none of them has writ me back. When they do they is going to be surprised when I walks in and buys it with CASH NICKELS! Then I can flys all over the place and bites bad people on they butts and say hello to all my friends.
Won't that be something when you looks up and you sees me flying in with my big helicopter! I is getting a black one so it matches me! I is very fashion conscious. You has to be when you is so beautiful.
Noelle has moved out. She has a forever home now.
This is a good thing. I taught her the best I could.
It were very difficult. She had a lot of cat in her.
I is proud of all the students I has sent out into they forever homes. But you know what? They never sends me stuff! I never opens the mail and gets a nice chocolate bunny as a surprise.
You is probably thinking that am a picture of Noelle there.
Surprise! It isn't!
That is Janinie or J-Dog or Jade.
She is not so smart and doesn't know her name good.
She says she is very smart! She says she is a mom dog!!
Now we all know that mom dogs is the smartest and most beautifulist and bestest dogs in the world! After me of course.
Does that look like a smartest, beautifulist bestest dog to you?
She is another dog that David expects me to teach and to find a forever home for!
I will do it because I is Shelby.
She has only been in my house a few days. I shared my egg with her!
I is just so good even when nobody gives me a chocolate bunny for a reward! I is just like that.
I will decide later if this Janinie, J-Dog, Jade am smart enough to talks to you.
She is sure a big old know it all let me tell you!
So I will just say HAPPY EASTER BUNNY DAY TO YOU! And Happy Passover too.
If when you is all tired and filled with good foods if you had an extra chocolate bunny you just doesn't know what to do with they is a very good and very hungry dog you might wants to give it too. She is very very beautiful too and would even be your friend for a chocolate bunny. Really I would!