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August 8, 2007
Boys is the stupidest thing ever!!
That guy right there am Stanley.
Stanley is a boy!
I has come up with another Super Genius idea. I is going to get the government to gives me money so I can do a study to figure out just how stupid boys really is!
It am very important to know if they is just a little stupid, a whole lot stupid or really really stupid!
See then when I figures that out maybe I can find a cure!
A cure for boys! Wouldn't that be wonderful.
And I would be even more famous and get to give speeches and people would have to listen to what I says. That would be so grand!
I is going to show you part of my studies so far.
See there am three girls. You can see we is sitting all beautiful and smart, even J-Dog!! That person is Stephanie, Jack's mom.
We is discussing important serious stuff. I is talking about how Spinoza am a dumb old boy who clearly has never played him with no dog.
And Stephanie am talking about how to make delicious brownies that got no sugar so you can eats them all the time and don't get all fat eating them.
J-Dog am talking about make-up and how good she smells.
You see how we is so smart looking.
That am just how girls am! SMART!
Except maybe J-Dog.
Now you knows how smart and beautiful girls am. Especially me.
We has to take us a look at boys now. That am how you do science stuff.
Here am three boys. You see they is not discussing nothing! Jack am saying, “Oh boy, I is ignoring that beautiful Kong that am Shelby's and playing with this funny round thing that is not near as much fun.” And Stanley is going, “oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!” And Tony, that am Jack's dad is saying, “Boy, this am sure a lot of fun!”
Even if you is a boy I think you can see the difference here between boys and girls.
For one thing girls doesn't has to go around reminding they selves that they is girls! Boys has to remind themselves all the time or they will forget!
They will!
And when they forget they is boys they gets all mean and stuff and that am why boys is always starting driving too fast and forgetting to bring home good stuff for dinner! They uses up most of they brain power just remembering who they is!
See there am a boy named Blue. He has even forgot that when you is on the sofa you is supposed to be sleeping! See him am going, “Oh boy oh boy, now that I is up here what is it I is supposed to do?”
I think you can see I has proved that boys am pretty stupid!
You is probably saying, “But Super Genius Doctor Shelby you taught Jack so he should be near as smart as you!”
You is right. AND THAT PROVES WHAT I IS SAYI NG!!
If boys were at all smart about anything Jack would remember all the great stuff I has taught him and he would be smart as me!
Because he am a boy he has forgotted it.
All the Super Genius things I teached him he has just plain old forgotted!
He has used all the smart bits of his brain just trying to remember that he am a boy!
No you has to admit that am being real scientific isn't it!
You is now wondering: What happens if you mix boys and girls together?
What happens is you get this!
You get one smart girl thinking important stuff and one dumb boy stopping another girl from being so smart!
It am science and that am what will always happen!
Boys and girls together makes each other even dumber! Look there am the proof!
J-Dog and Stanley am so dumb they can't even runs right! They is all falling over and stuff.
And looks even closer and you will see that I is the only one still smart enough to keep the Kong!
So you can see that I needs to continue my important scientifical research and that am why I need to get me a grant so I can continue to study just how stupid boys really am!
I needs about, I don't know, about Three Kajillion Dollars! Or a nickel.
I will keep on studying dumb old boys but if I don't gets the money right away who knows what terrible things could happen!
See that am me studying EVEN WHEN I IS NOT GETTING PAID!
Some of you has writ to me and asked, “Shelby, you are the most perfect dog in the world. Are you still on a diet?”
YES I IS!
Mean old David likes me on a diet cause he has to buy me NO treats or ice cream. You can see in the pictures I hardly weighs anything anymore. I is scared whenever the wind blows cause it might picks me up and just blows me away!
I is still moving too. But until I gets fed gooder I isn't going to help!
I will help J-Dog find her forever home though. Just because she got stuck living with mean old David I don't think she has to keep suffering.
I feels very sorry for her.
If you is wondering why this picture of J-Dog looks so gooder than the rest that am because Stephanie was the photogetter.
Stephanie am a girl so of course she is a better photogetter than mean old David.
I will tells you something too.
MEAN OLD DAVID IS HISSELF A BOY!!
Posted by Shelby at August 8, 2007 6:51 PM
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