January 28, 2008
You know what am terrible?They is a lot of terrible things, like not having enough food or not having you a forever home. Those am pretty terrible I think.
What am terrible for me though is when it am all wet and snowy and the boys you lives with has all had them haircuts so there am nobody who can go outside and plays with a good girl dog!
That am really terrible!
Things I does best am fighting, eating, doctoring, lawyering, detectivating, sleeping and PLAYING!
Oh, I is a great playing dog. I loves it.
Of course I is the best at it. The very best!
I show you and then you will sees what I mean and you will be saying, "Oh, poor poor Shelby. What she puts up with!"
Takes a look at that picture. I know. You is saying, "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?!"
I will tell you. That am boys doing what they think am playing.
It am pretty sad isn't it.
They is playing a game they call "Twister".
I sure don't understands it. I think you has to twists your brain around till it am all knotted up and that am how you thinks like a boy.
Maybe you understands it better than me. I has to admit one thing I is not a genius about is boys. It am lucky for me I doesn't want to understands them too good!
Even doing something as wonderful as sleeping boys just do stupid! They do!
See, even good old Ben! Does you see what they is doing?
They is sleeping on people furniture!
That am just crazy!
Now me, I always sleeps on my bed and if David makes too much noise I gets off my bed and lets him has it and sleeps real good on my sleeping rugs! They is very comfortable my sleeping rugs. Sleeping rugs am much better than old people's furniture. Dogs don't even fits good on it. You has to crinkle your body all up and sticks your face under your legs and stuff. Ooo, it am just horrible way to try and sleeps. Just horrible!
I figures the only thing to do is to teaches them boys how to play some good games!
First I went and got me a good toy. This toy, you can see it sticking out of my mouth, it am that laughing bear Blue got him for Christmas. It is not laughing when I has it let me tell you!
So I goes up and says, "Blue, see I has your toy so you has to try and takes it from me and you has to take it so the bear, it don't laughs at you!"
You can sees in that picture that Blue don't quite get it. Unless he has him an extra mouth in his neck!
I has to go up and PUTS the toy in Blue's old mouth! Then he finally gets the idea. So we is playing and playing. Of course I always wins. We is having so much fun that Robin, he wants to play too!
Blue am really glad that Robin wants to play because he am getting pretty upset that he can't beats me! He can ALMOST beats Robin!
Of course while we is doing all this good playing Ben, he just keeps right on sleeping! "I am saving my energy for dinosaur hunting or solving another Big Case, Shelby!"
I told you Ben were pretty smart and he don't has all the strength that a great girl has, so he am probably being smart to saves hims strength up like that.
Meanwhile we has gotted really really good at my game. I figure we should be on TV! Maybe has a championship game! My game am better than football because I has invented it!
Pretty soon EVERYBODY be playing my game and everybody who plays it would has to give me a NICKEL cause I invented it.
See this could be our team picture! I think the boys should wear uniforms but I shouldn't. I is just too beautiful to cover up!
The other good thing we has done is watched a Bruce Lee movie. Bruce Lee were him a very good fighter. I has studied him and I is pretty sure I could beats him up. He is great but I thinks I is a little bit greater. He does some good barking though.
I is going to watch some more of his movies and studies him. I is learning some good fighting tricks from watching Bruce Lee too!
I can't waits until I can tries them out on Blue!
January 23, 2008
Does you want to laugh? And another mystery!You is not going to believes this!
I is already laughing so hard I can hardly stands it! Does you remember how I tolds you that Robin and Blue has to go in and get they haircuts? I didn't do nothing bad here. I did not cuts they hair and I didn't tells the hair cutter hows to do it. All I has done is sees them when they was all done! I is showing you they pictures but that am not bad! That am just sharing and sharing is good! Right?
So you can't be mads at me! Okay?
The first one am Robin. The second one am Blue.
I knows you know who they is but they looks so different I figures I has to tells you all over again.
Even old Ben was laughing at how silly they looks! Me and Ben has long beautiful hair. We takes such good cares of it. We rolls in the dirt and in all the good smelling stuff we can finds!
I think Blue looks him like a giraffe!
Go looks at a giraffe picture and then looks at Blue! I has seed giraffes in my big travel adventures and I knows that Blue looks him just like one!
Blue say, "Don't laugh at me Shelby! When my hair grows back it will be even prettier then it was before!"
Robin, he say, "I think I look very good Shelby. My mom paid more than a nickel to get my haircut so she must think this is the way I should look. So I like it!"
And I say, "HAHAHAHAHAHAH HA HA!"
I can be very mean!
I was having me so much fun laughing at them two boys then something mysterious happened!
I got me a email. It said, "I stole the snow Shelby!"
I thought to myself, "Shelby you has already solved this case! What could this mean!?!"
I questioned me Blue. I was very sneaky and it were hard to question him when you is laughing! I said, "Mr Blue. Has you sended me a email?"
Blue says, "Gosh Shelby. I don't have a fancy computer like you! I wouldn't steal your computer! You would bite my butt!"
This were all very true.
I decided I has to consult my colleague, Mr Ben.
I tells him about the email and he says, "Jumping goats and whiskers Shelby! We have already solved that case! What could this mean!"
I has thought about this long and hard Mr Ben. I has figured it out! This am going o be very hard for you to believes, but maybe I was wrong!" I says.
Ben just him shaked his head. He couldn't believes what he were hearing! "Shelby, wha . . . wha . . . you WRONG! IMPOSSIBLE!"
I says, "I knows Ben. It have never happened before but that don't mean I is always right, just that I is usually right!"
Ben said and he were nearly stuttering, "But but Blue CONFESSED! He said he stole the snow!"
"Yes Ben, him did confessed. It only means one thing I should have figureds out. Blue am a boy. Boys am dumb. Stealing all the snow is too smart for just one boy to do. Blue had him an ACCOMPLICE!" is what I said to Ben.
See when you has friends and you is out there doing good things then you friends is your colleagues. When you is doing bad things you friends am your accomplices. I figured I had better explain that to you cause sometimes I just doesn't know what it am you know or don't know!
"It couldn't have been Robin!" Ben said. "Robin is such a good boy!"
It could not be Robin." I agreed. "This were a act of EVIL! I is going to question Blue!" But when I went to ask Blue who were his accomplice he runned away and tried to hide in my super deluxe Dog Cave under the porch!
"Don't make me tell Shelby! He can fight almost as good as you!" Blue said.
Even though he wouldn't tell me he gived me clues. He said he and that means it were a boy! I already detectivated that. And he said he could fight almost as good as me!
That means it had to be somebody I has taught how to fight! There am only one boy I has taughts how to fight and that boy am JACK! And here am photographic proof!"
"Yes Shelby! Blue stoled the snow and then he sent it down to me!" Jack says. "I have been one year in my forever home. It is so perfect! I have got good food, a good bed and good people I have to work very hard to take care of. But what I don't have is SNOW!"
"I am always hearing about how delicious snow is and how much fun it is. When Blue said he was going to trick you and steal all the snow I thought to myself, 'Jack, he could hide that snow down here and then you could play with it!'"
"It was a brilliant plan! I liked your snow Shelby. You are right. It is delicious! And very good for rolling in and stuff! But the best part is getting to play a trick on you!"
Can you believes that! Tricked by my own good friend! That am pretty good I has to admit! This am a pretty good trick!
Being such a generous girl I would have loaned Jack some snow but then he would not has got to play this good joke on me!
I AM SO GENEROUS!
Since Jack has returned all my snow I is pretty happy and it am not everyday I gets to solve the same case twice!
Now I has to go out and bite Blue in his butt for not telling me the whole truth.
I hopes I can stop laughing at him long enough to bite him real good!
January 17, 2008
See what I has got!I has got snow!
You know what that means?
I has figured it all out. What does we get when they is snow on the ground?
We gets Christmas! And you know what Christmas means!
It means more presents!
I bet Santa said to herself, I has not given Shelby enough presents this year! I'll have to order up so snow so I can deliver more gifts to her!
Santa and me is very friendly!
Oh, I know some of you is saying, "Shelby! Christmas only comes once a year! We have already had Christmas. More snow is just that, just snow!"
You may be right, just may be but what if you're wrong and Christmas am coming again!
I is not taking no chances and I is going to start being good right now!
A lots of you people keeps writing to me. I don't know why. I is too busy to read all them letters! You never sends cookies or ice cream. That am something a girl can use.
To show Santa how good I is I is going to read some of them letters. I really is!
Robin from Saginaw Michigan writes to me. Now, I made sure first that this am not the Robin I lives with. He says he don't know where Michigan am! So this might be somebody stealing his name! I has heard about this on TV, people stealing other people's names! I don't know why you would steal Robin's name when my name am so much prettier.
Anyway Robin, who am not my Robin, writes to me and says, Shelby you are very beautiful. I think Ben is cute too. Is he really blind? If he is do you have to lead him around so he won't get lost?
Yes Robin, who am not the Robin who lives with me, Ben am blind. He am very smart. And he is very tough. He has to be to have adventures with me!
Ben's smartest thing am his nose! What he do is smell EVERYTHING! And then his nose remembers where everything am! Then he can walks around just perfect! The only time he has him any trouble is when some people who I is not calling stupid but they is David will makes him walk too fast so he can't smells everything! Then sometimes Ben will walks into stuff he hasn't smelt. But when we goes someplace Ben am always the first one to know how to gets back! Nobody has to show Ben the way to walk!
Bill from Des Moines Iowa has writ to me. He says, I can not believe Blue ate all your toys and chewed up shoes. I think he looks like a very good dog. I like the way Blue looks especially his face and his legs. I do not think he would be bad.
Blue am that bad alright! I has to beats him up all the time!
Blue says, I am not bad! I just see something I want to do and I just does it! You would have to be very mean to a dog if you think that is bad. I am just having fun! I am very handsome and I have very good legs. They are just the right kind of legs for taking food off the counter!
Blue am getting a big surprise this Saturday. I has heard it that he am getting a haircut on Saturday. A haircut am another way of saying BATH!!
I is not so mad at anybody that I would wants them to get a bath. I may hides him until the bath time has gone away!
Casey from Kingston New York has writted me saying, I like you Shelby. I would like you to write more about Robin. He looks very nice. You do not write about Robin enough.
Of course you likes me Casey! I is Shelby! Robin am okay. He am my friend. We fights with the next door neighbors a lot! He am very good in a barking fight. I will has to think about this. Robin am a boy and boys am either bad or not very interesting! I will try and take Robin on a adventure and I will see if he messes it up! He could be pretty good if he gets a chance. He plays good games. You is right Casey, I will take Robin on a adventure and tells you all about it.
Now then TWO PEOPLE has writted to me with the same idea!!
Camellia, who am a girl so you know she am smart, has writ me that she thinks I should dresses up like a Princess! That am a very good idea, very good.
Then my brother Jimmy has writ and says that Ben and I should wear disguises when we is out detectivating!
I has thunked on this and even though Jimmy am a boy I has decided that I is going to do it!
Right now Ben and me and figuring out the disguises we is going to need. I is going to figure out what I is going to be Princess of!
We is going to get us some great disguises then we is going to looks for a big case! Maybe we will take Robin along. But that means he will has to have a disguise too!
I is a super genius you know but having to think up THREE disguises is a lot of work!
But I will do it!
Cause I am Shelby!
And see Santa I has been good!
January 9, 2008
I has got a super important major crime cases to solves!
They is a kajillion stories in the big city.
This am one of them.
It were a dark and stormy night. I were sitting at my desk eating cookies when there were a knock on the door!
Comes in! But I isn't sharing no cookies! I said.
The door opened and a red hot pistol of a red head were there. It were Ben.
Ben am my friend. We has worked together on dozens of cases. I had called him to come to my room because we had us a big case. A really big case. The Case I call "Who The Heck Got Crazy And Stole All The Good Snow"!
Yes. It were true. Just yesterday my yard were looking all like this. Plenty of the white stuff for rolling in, playing in and for eating!
It were a mystery! And mysteries am my business!
Really, eating cookies am my business. I just likes mysteries for the fun!
Ben said, "This looks like a pretty big case Shelby. I had better put on my detective coat so we can go investigate it!"
I can't believe Ben has him a coat for every occasion. So we waited while he changed his clothes and then we were off on the chase!
We weren't chasing nothing but it am a lot of fun to say, "We is off on the chase!" It makes things more exciting when you says that. You can try it!
First Ben went and smelled by the tree where we had us some real good eating snow. He smelled him a real long time. "Thunderations, Shelby. Our snow is gone! "
"I has already detected that Ben. Does you smell any bad guys?" I said. "It is what I don't smell Shelby. I don't smell any cats!"
Ho ho! I just thought that. I didn't say that. Who doesn't likes good snow, I thought. CATS don't likes snow! They doesn't. I has studied them and when they gets snow on them they is always flickering around with they feets like crazy things!
You is probably think that being a crazy thing am what a cat does best but I means crazy thing even for a cat!
Now we had us a suspect! A suspect am somebody you just knows has did it but because I is also a great lawyer dog it means that you has to proves it so that only a crazy person or David won't know they is the guilty ones!
Now I really had to investigate and do detectivating.
I looked everywhere for clues. Just everywhere.
We found this place. It were very mysterious. Ben smelled it and said he figured it were a Mystic Temple!
A mystic Temple is where bad guys gets them up to no good. Anything bad could happen here. People might even pet cats! It am scary but it am true!
It were scary but we smelled this secret place up real good. We figured we was getting closer to the criminals!
Then we found us some really disturbing evidence! These crooks were stupid!
Look they has stoled all the snow but they left big hunks of it around! They even lefts some ice! How stupid is they is what I was thinking! Then I realized the bad guy had to be him a boy!
Only a boy would be so stupid enough to steal all the snows but still leaves big clumps of it lying around. I felts a little bit better, at least we wouldn't have to fight us no smart girl!
We searched and searched us for clues. I would smell up a place and then Ben would comes right behind in case I missed something tiny but important. We wents faster that way!
When suddenly it dawned on me!
I called Ben over and said, "Ben, I has solved it! What has you not smelled?"
Ben said, "Shelby, I has smelled so much stuff that I can't begin to remember what I hasn't smelled!"
Even though Ben am very smart for a boy he am still a boy. "That am all right Ben. I is the detective here and it am my job to remember what we hasn't smelt. Now I knows who the criminal am! It am all alimentary reduction! Come on. We has not time to waste!"
We was off like a squirrel sitting on one of my trees! We runned all the way home. I was thinking all the time. We was about to confront the most dangerous criminal that has ever walked the earth and it were just me and my trusty side kick Ben between evil and the good people of the world!
It weren't that scary but its kind of dumb playing a game where you isn't after the baddest guys in the world. He am pretty bad all right. Bad enough!
When we got home I said, "I has called you all together cause I has solved the case of the crazy guy who has stoled all the snow! It tooks a genius likes me to figure out all them clues. The first clue were it had to be somebody very strong, very big and a boy! The second clue were Ben and me never smelled us no cats! But you know what else we didn't smell? We didn't smell the criminal! The criminal who were smart enough to take away all the cat smells but dumb enough to forget to leaves his own smells. And that criminal am YOU MR BLUE!!"
"CURSES! MY PLOT IS FOILED!" he cried!
Foiled am a boys word. It means we has wrapped this case up!
Then Ben asked, "Why would you do that Blue? Why steal all the good snow?"
"Its because you and Shelby always go off and have great adventures. YOU NEVER TAKE ME! So I decided to have my own great adventure and trick you both!"
"Oh, Blue!" Ben said, shaking his head.
"Since I is the only lawyer here that means I gets to be the judge! And I sentences you Blue to getting your butt bit!"
"OH NO! Anything but that Shelby! I'll be good!"
"See that you is cause these teeths of mine will always be here protecting dogs and kids. These teeths of mine are always here ready to bite bad guys in they butts!"
They is a kajillion stories in this city, This were one of them.
(And I didn't really bite Blue in his butt. I felt sort of sorry for him. I will take him on our next big adventure.)
January 5, 2008
Do you know what a Super Genius likes to do after winning stuff?I likes to play!
I has to think sometimes. You know I is a great doctor, a great lawyer a great eating dog, a great winner but I think I is probably the greatest at joke telling and game inventing dog that ever was!
And I likes to play great too!
I is really great at playing games in the snow!
I bet you didn't know that if you eats snow it taste just like ice cream only without the delicious flavor and the creamy goodness. Other than that. It am not really like ice cream at all. It is cold though and very delicious!
No one can stop you from eating it either! So you can eat all your tummy can hold!
Here am a real good game I invented.
Ben there am the general and Robin, he am the soldier. I is Shelby and I is a spy who has secrets that they needs to get!
You is saying to you self, "Shelby, I see Ben. I see Robin. I don't see you, Shelby!"
That am because I am a spy!
If you was a good spy like me you would say, "I can't see Shelby! That means she must be very very close!" Then you would be right cause I is right there under the board under the deck!
That deck am where I play Alligator and grabs David when he walks by!
Now here Blue am guarding something and I sneaks up on him and attacks him!
You can see how scared he am of the Shelby Secret Attack!
Other than that I has just been taking it kind of easy.
I is entitled. I is the hardest working dog in the world!
See, Blue and Robin they just hangs around looking at stuff and saying, "Oh my, isn't the snow beautiful today!"
While is is out there thinking up good plans and planning good adventures! Me and Ben am always planning big adventures but it am so hard to get lazy David to take us out to where we can has them!
But don't you worry. When I does get old lazy David to take us out we has us some real big adventures all planned up and is you going to be surprised!
Sometimes I think that I is so great that you forgets how really great I is!
That am pretty silly of you.
I doesn't hold a grudge. I is great like that.
I will tells you all about them.
You is so lucky.