February 29, 2008
If trouble had it a name its name would be Blue!
I knows a lot of you am not great fighters like me so I is sending you another movie showing how to fights gooder like me!
It am a very great movie and I has worked very hard to make it. The easy part were beating up Blue!
You can say "Shelby, you are so generous and kind to us!"
And I will say, "Yes. I know. I is just so great!"
February 27, 2008
This am so prettyCan you believes that David lost my baby pictures!
Lucky for him I has found them! They were on this shiny disk I was playing with!
Isn't I the most precious thing!
Whenever somebody says "Shelby, you shouldn't be so mean to boys! They're not all that bad!" I just looks them right in the eye and says, "Hello, lets me introduces you to David!"
They never says nothing no more lets me tell you!
This am a big movie. You has to wait for a bit but it am worth it. There am even a surprise for my gramma at the end of it.They is even surprises for my Aunt Sheryl! Surprises am the best presents!
I is so polite and GENEROUS!
February 22, 2008
I is so good to you people!
Now you has another great silly movie. I calls it Shelby's Island Dance!
You can see it am very great. You can try to dance it to. You won't do it nears as good as me and you might get dizzy!
You won't guess what has happened!
My brother Jimmy and my Aunt Sheryl finally gots around to sending me my Christmas present!
I think this am very smart. I think that we should have Christmas every month. Except May cause that am my birthday and I already gets plenty of presents on my birthday!
Santa must have stopped by their house too cause they was even presents for Ben. It were a very good present. I has even got a picture to show you!
You may notices that I does not have no pictures of my presents!
That am because David got him a present too and he were so selfish playing with his stuff that he didn't take no great pictures of his dog looking all cute and beautiful loving her good gifts!
See there am Ben wearing his new Christmas clothes. He am now the same color as me!
I is always telling Ben that the color of a dogs fur don't make no difference.
Look at me! I would be just as beautiful if my fur were the same color as his!
Ben's new clothes has words on them! Them words says nothing. Words don't speak but if you reads them words then you would say, "Got Biscuits?"
I needs me a shirt that tells people I is hungry cause I is ALWAYS hungry!
Robin wanted to give me a present too. I can understand that.
He gived me a song!
You can see me and Blue is trying to sneak away. He am not a great singer like me!
And then he said we had to pay him for singing to us!
Boys am like that. They gives you a present and then they tells you that you has to pay them for the present!
I is so glad I is a beautiful great singing girl.
I has warned David so he will be taking picture of me and my new great presents!
February 18, 2008
Here am a good present!It am a calendar!
And it got me on it!
Now whenever you needs to know what day it am you can comes and asks me!
I is so nice.
Then you not only gets to see what day it am but you gets to see the most beautiful girl in the world. I gives such great presents!
You could even make it a computer wallpaper. Wouldn't that be beautiful.
This calendar am in Russian! You is lucky I reads Russian as good as I reads English. What you has to do is reads it backwards if you only reads English. It reads forwards if you reads Russian like me!
What you has to do is read it Counter Clockwise. David says that. I reads time on my digital clock and I don't know what that means! But maybe that will answer it for you.
We is very bored here.
It am snowing and raining at the same time! I likes it but David makes us stay inside.
I keeps inventing good indoor games. Just when we is having good fun you guessed it! David says quiet down and knocks it off!
So we is bored. And David am always using my computer cause he am bored!
Look at poor Blue! He am saying, "Shelby, can you invent us a good game? It doesn't even have to be great just a real good game that is real quiet so mean old David won't tell us to knock it off!"
Even Robin is bored! Robin was saying, "Oh Shelby. I hate going out in the rain! It makes my hair look all terrible! You have to come up with a good game for us Shelby or I might just burst!"
Then we gots lucky and we gots a little movie from Jack!
You remember Jack? He am my friend who I has taught to be a good dog. Jack were pretty good especially when you remembers he am a boy. Did you see that?!?!
It am very little and is hard to see when you doesn't have super eyes like mine. What am amazing am this: Jack am doing stuff that I NEVER TAUGHTS HIM!!
I can'ts believes it. I just can'ts.
So the big game I has invented for Blue and Robin is that we is going to learn to catches stuff as good as Jack. I, of course, will catches them better than Jack or anybody! I is always the best! I can't helps it. I just am!
Just a minute. Ben am bugging me.
"Great chocolate antelopes Shelby! You haven't given me a chance to say nothing at all! You're just hopping around like a cricket in a frying pan! I'm just as bored as the rest of you! I've got enough sense to know that there is always something that is plum fun to do!"
"What am that Ben!"
"Thunderations Shelby, whenever you're bored the best thing to do is take you a nice long nap!"
Ben, he am right, I is such a great sleeping dog too! I was so bored that I forgot that sleeping is my favorite thing after eating!
I is going to go take a nap now you bet! But not until I tells Millie that I is glad she is okay. It am all because of my great doctoring I am sure. Pretty soon she'll be ready to play with me I'll bet!
February 12, 2008
I wishes I wased a policeman!Then I could arrests David.
He has been him terrible bad just terrible.
I has put my picture on that poster cause if I put in David's picture you would be too scared to read any more!!
Especially when I tells you the terrible mean thing he has done!
It am so terrible I can hardly breathes just thinking about it!
We will starts us with Exhibit A! (That am lawyer talk cause when you finds out what David did you will know he needs him a lawyer!).
That am Ben. Don't he looks like a good happy dog?
He am just thinking about how he wishes he could have him some ice cream for dinner when something terrible happened!
Can you believes it?!?
Mean old Dave has just scooped in and gived poor poor ben a BATH!!!
Poor Ben. I would have said something nice to him but I were a little bit busy laughing. There am something pretty funny about somebody else getting them a bath.
Before I could ask Ben if he wanted me to be his lawyer when he sued David for mean and malicious bath giving, (Malicious am a lawyer word. It means there weren't no reason to do it except to be a mean guy. David am a very mean guy.) David scooped on down and you know what?
HE GIVED ME A BATH!!
Don't I look just terrible terrible sad?
You can probably cries for me.
Ben said, "Great Greasy toads and buttermilk, Shelby! What got into that man? Giving two great dogs stupid old baths!"
I said, "I don't knows Ben. I really don'ts. I figure he am just pure evil, Ben. Pure evil"
"Well, mud and rain Shelby it is sure lucky for David that we are tough. That soap he put on burned like acid! I didn't know water could be so hot!"
"And then he made it so cold Ben. So terrible terrible cold."
"Well by the great butt of the dog star I tain't never taking me another bath! They is bad for you! Can you smell me Shelby? Do I smell as bad to you as I do to me?"
"Yes Ben, we both smells just terrible.
"Its a dang good thing he gave me some of that delicious chicken after my bath or I don't know what kind of powerful beating I'd have given him! What he give you Shelby?"
"He gived me chicken too Ben. It were delicious. But that am hardly the point. It weren't enough chicken to make up for this terrible crime!"
"I do look pretty good though, don't I?"
"Yes Ben. You looks okay for a boy."
"I sure did like that chicken! Now that its over why don't we go and whimper real sad at David. Do you think if we look real real sad he'll give us some more of that chicken?"
"It am worth a try Ben, it surely am worth a try!"
So we tried it and it worked and we got more chicken!
Let that be a lesson to you Mr Evil David!
My brother Jimmy am throwing him a fit because he thinks he am just a dumb old boy!
Jimmy, you am a boy! You can't help that. There am nothing can be done to fixes it BUT you am my brother so you has inherited a lot of smarts from me! I figures you am 80% brother and only 20% dumb old boy!
That am pretty darn good!
Millie am getting her an operation tomorrow. I is sorry I can't be there to doctors you. Them other doctors am pretty good though. I has trained them up to be really near as great as me. And remember your doctor am a girl so she knows what she's doing let me tell you!
You get well and writes me again to tell me how braves you were!
February 8, 2008
I has been thinking deep stuffI knows that most of you has been thinking, "You know, Shelby hasn't written to me in 5 days! Do you think she's alright?"
I knows you has been thinking this cause you has been writing it to me! I is way too busy to be reading all that stuff! But I does cause I is a good girl. Mainly I reads it cause I thinks maybe one day you people might say something I don't already knows.
I is going to tell you something so pay attention.
When you watches TV if you hears a big story that there is no ice cream or pizza or cheeseburgers then is when you should start worrying whether I is ok. I is always better than ok. I is Shelby.
Me and Ben has been doing very important stuff.
We has been studying philosophy! Isn't that a big word! It is very impressive especially when I says it. I bet you don't know what it means. It means to think real hard about stuff that don't have no answers!
Isn't that crazy! But peoples get paid to do it! They do! I needs me a job that pays real good money cause I is very poor and David is very stingy. Ask Ben, he will tell you!
Don't Ben and me look philosophical? That am the most important part of any job: looking beautiful, which I does good enough to makes up for Ben, and then looking like you knows what you is doing!
You gotta admit we does look us some philosophical.
We is thinking very very deep thoughts. I learned a new word: Profound. That word means that we is not thinking of nothing but we looks so beautiful and philosophical that you thinks we is thinking important stuff! I is going to like this job.
Me and Ben is usually just thinking we is hungry!
Here am some of my deep profound philosophical thoughts. If you thinks any of them you has to pay me! That am how it works see?
Does cats exist to show dogs what terrible things will happen to them if they is bad?
That am a very deep thought. Cats has to have some job right but I has never seed a cat to nothing! Except run away. That am probably cats' jobs. To show good dogs what terrible things will happen to them if they is bad. If a dog am bad it turns into a cat! That sure makes me want to be good!
Is clouds made out of ice cream?
Could be. I saw on TV that snow come from clouds and snow am just almost like ice cream only not so good. The real ice cream must be up there. That am why birds am so happy! They can fly up there and gets them some ice cream whenever they wants it! I wish I was a bird.
If a dog am all alone in a forest and she falls over do she make a sound?
If that dog am me she sure does! I is always talking!
That picture am of Ben trying to explain philosophy to Blue and Robin.
Teaching boys anything am a really stupid job. You can't teach boys nothing!
Does you let sleeping boys lie cause when they is awake they never tells the truth anyway?
That am exactly right. Every time one of my toys goes missing I says, "Okay which of you guys stoled my toy?!"
Ben always says, "Great fleas in gravy Shelby, you know them there toys of yours is too big for me to play with!"
The other two, who I will not mention cause they has not gone to court yet just kind of find them an interesting cob web in the corner to looks at.
Am boys just naturally stupider than girls or does they have to work to be that dumb?
February 3, 2008
I only likes football when I is coaching or USC am playingEverybody else am watching football.
I is smart so I is planning our next big adventure!
Lots and lots of people is thinking, "Shelby, you are a great detective! But you need some great disguises!"
You am all correct! When you is chasing bad guys sometimes you has to sneak in and get secret information! That am very important otherwise you walk around just as dumb as everybody else!
I told David Ben and me needs us some great disguises.
He tried to help.
This am how he tried to help.
I has to admit you sure wouldn't know that am me. It would fools some people that way I guess.
Then he made a disguise for Ben.
David made this. I has to say this am a good disguise IF WE EVER GETS A CASE AT A CIRCUS!
Ben and me looks at each other and says we has to come up with our own gooder disguises.
We has to walk around bad guys so they won't know it am the great Shelby and her trusty side kick Dr Ben! (Ben am not really a doctor but when we is on cases I calls him a doctor cause it makes it sound like he am important. Ben says he is very good at doctoring hisself so it am okay to call him that.)
So Ben am me is thinking and we thinks that pirates am bad guys! So we needs us a pirate disguise. This am the one we thought up.
You can see it am a little bit better than David's disguises. You can see Ben walking into a bunch of pirates and saying stuff like, "Shiver me timbers matey I am sure no landlubber here, argh." That am how pirates talk. You probably didn't know that but that am a perfect pirate talking speech.
Then we has to come up a disguise for me. This am much much harder cause I is so beautiful that people takes one look at me and says to theyselves, "Why look! There's Shelby! Isn't she cute!"
So I decided to be a MUSKETEER!
I bet you didn't recognize me at all!
And I gets me to fight with a sword and pokes the bad guys!
I can do that real good. I can even talk sword! EN GARDE!
That don't seem to make sense but to us sword fighters that means "Lets you and me fight!"
Then we thinks we needs disguises for when we is detectivating evil government guys. They is a whole lot of them in movies so I figures we will get us a whole lot of important government cases. Here am Ben!
Don't he look him like a real government guy?
I bet he could walk into any of them government meetings and say, "I am in charge here. We had better get busy making us some rules and stuff. Have any of you guys got any evil plans we should talk about?"
We will solve us all them government cases.
And then I comes up with a great disguise. Everybody knows I is a great fighting dog so I is disguising myself as a little bitty girl who wouldn't fight nobody!
What will happen is bad guys will look and say, "There's a helpless little girl. We should steal her and make somebody gives us a lot of money!"
Then when they comes to grab me I jumps up and tears off my disguise!
They'll be running around going, "Oh no! Its Shelby. We're doomed!"
Then I'll beats them up and turns them in for a reward and buys me some ice cream!
If I gets a big enough reward I will shares some of that ice cream, but if it am just a little tiny reward I won't has enough to share. I want to but I just am so poor.
You has to admit that these am pretty good disguises.
Except for David's. Hims is kind of dumb.