April 25, 2008
We is going to have the best lion hunt ever!I made me a dumb mistake yesterday.
I tried me to have a serious talk with David!
Why does I bother?
I tried to talk science with him. I was telling him how dogs has certain needs and am a certain way because of the way is is and the way we is intended to be. It am a very serious and deep subject.
I tries to tell him I has claws for fighting good and for running fast. And I has sharp teeth for biting things in they butts.
I told him I is related to wolves so I needs me plenty of meats like hamburgers and pizzas. Because I is so hot blooded from being ready to fight all the time I has to have me plenty of good ice creams or else I could go crazy.
This am always the way it has been. Even back when they was cave men and saber toothes tigers cave men had to give they dogs plenty of cold delicious ice creams so that they dogs would be they best friends.
Even Ben tries to help Dumb old David understand, "Glorified Gorilla Guts David, just figure it out! We dogs have been trained for years to be fighting beasts. Look at me! I could kill something just as soon as look at it! Know why I don't? ICE CREAM! It keeps a dogs temper down and cool."
"The more ice creams we get the nicer we am to people who we would normally just bit in they butts, people who aggravates a dog. People like you, David!" I says that just to try and make hims to understand. Big dumb old guys like David has to think about they butts being bit or they don't know how to think of anything at all!
Dumb old David just says, "Shelby, Ben instead of all this silly talk shouldn't you be planning your big adventure?"
David cheats! He knows that talking about big adventures gets Ben all excited up! I tried to keeps talking about giving us more ice creams but Ben all he wants to talk about am LIONS!
"We're going to catch us a passel of them horn swoggling lions! It will be something to see! We can train them up as smart as a cat can be and then sells them for ice cream!"
"I figure we're going to needs to catch us a few kajillion of them lions Ben. I can fights maybe four or five of them at a time and you can catches maybe two or three at a time. You know what Ben. I thinks we needs us some helpers!"
Now soon as he hears that old Blue wants to come along. Blue am not no lion fighting dog! But he keeps going on and on so we tells Blue he can help us get us a gang of the toughest lion hunting dogs in the world!
So Blue goes out and gets our next door neighbor to joins up . . . You has to be nice to neighbors but you can see this little guy am tough but you has to ask, am he lion fighting tough?
Blue says, "I don't know Shelby, but he's the only guy I wasn't scared of to ask!"
So we decided we had to go further than just our yard to look for good lion fighting dogs!
Here am a smart looking girl dog. Blue got all excited telling her about all the lions we was going to be catching. She comed and talked to me, "I'm all for fighting cats and lions Miss Shelby but I just want to make sure that your in charge and not some boy who gets all excited before the fights even start!"
Just from her saying that I could see she were a real smart fighting dog so I told her she could join!
Ben tried to get this guy to join in with us. Ben thought, "This guy is big enough and low enough that he could trip up the blim blasted lions and when them lions are excusing themselves for tripping over him I could jump on them and give them a good what for!"
Even Robin was trying to help. Robin said this little guy was scared to fight cats. He said a cat once hit him right on the nose and it stung something terrible! He wasn't about to go out and fight him no giant cats!
Even this guy, who were pretty big, when Blue told him we was going to go off hunting lions said, "LIONS! There lions here?!? I'm skeedaddling!!"
These guys said, "We have plenty of good adventures just chasing this here ball around. Fighting lions is for tough dogs like you guys!"
I really thought more of them dogs would want to get into a good scrap with some lions!
That am okay though cause now when we goes on our big hunt and catches us a mess of lions and trains them to wash cars and do laundry and then sells them for ice cream we won't has to share so much and Ben and I can keeps most of it.
When I told David our plan he said, "So you and Ben will get to keep the lion's share of the ice cream!" Then he laughed.
He thinks he am pretty funny. You can see why it am my job to tell all the jokes around this house.
Posted by Shelby at April 25, 2008 3:41 PM