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May 23, 2008

I has a new enemy!

Shelby It am true.
I has me a very strong enemy. Strong enemies am the best kind. Weak enemies you just forgets about!
You am saying to yourself, "Shelby only makes enemies of things that are mean to dogs and kids! WhatLawnmower terrible thing has she discovered?!?"
It am very evil. It might be the most evil thing I has ever seed. It have it a name and it am called, "Lawnmower"!
You can see it am not only evil it am ugly too!
I don'ts care that David likes it so much he locks me inside the house so he can go out and plays with it. I don't even cares that he just follows it around wherever it wants to go. That just proves to me Shelby how crazy dumb old David really am!
I don't even care that it just shows how I has wasted all that good training and teaching I has gived David.
I studies this Lawnmower from the window and what has made it my enemy am this. I was watching it real close when I saw it takes one of my good chewing sticks and it ATED IT! And then it spitted out the pieces!
I wasn't even finished with it! It had plenty of good chews left in that stick!
Then that Lawnmower looked right at me and LAUGHED!
So this means it am war between me and Lawnmower.
It will be hard. It barks it really loud. But I has to fight it!
I is a little scared of it. That don't mean much. Being brave means being a little scared but fighting stuff anyway!
If it wins it will be very bad for me. Don't you be scared. They is plenty of other great dogs to be your friend.
Okay. I know they am not so great as me but then nobody am.
Robin and Ben Robin and Ben thinks they am the greatest dogs in the world. HA HA!
That am me not really laughing. That am pretend laughing cause that idea am so silly. Ben am a great dog. Robin am a great dog. But is they great enough to takes my place?
All I can say to that is that they am BOYS!
Boys all thinks they am great! They do!
Blue Even old Blue here am saying, "I'm great as Shelby. I even know me two or three good jokes I like to tell over and over!"
Two or three good jokes. They am not good jokes and he do tell them over and over. Blue don't care if you laughs at them jokes or not!
Boys!
Jimmy My brother Jimmy thinks he am the greatest dog in the world. That am him wearing his baseball clothes.
I has to admit jimmy am nearly as handsome as I is beautiful. I has played baseball with Jimmy. Of course I wons that game but he am pretty good.
JimmyWhat we needs to know is am he great enough?
To take my place?
Jimmy and Logan He am my brother but he am still just a boy!
And he am not a great a fighter like me!
See that little dog with Jimmy? That real tiny little dog there?
That am Logan.
That am the kind of dogs Jimmy beats up. And you is probably thinking to yourself, "Shelby! Logan isn't the least bit afraid of Jimmy! Jimmy must not be a great fighter like you!"
Jimmy and Logan I is glad you agrees with me!
I bet if we asked him Logan would tells us he am the greatest dog in the world!
In that picture it sure looks like he am getting ready to gives Jimmy what for! Wouldn't that be funny seeing Jimmy get all beats up by a little guy like that?
You might not think so but I sure do!
Fenna Goldie and Jack Here are three more dogs who think they am the greatest!
They thinks they am so great because they won the dog race that I won last year!
That am very very great because they wons it for all them dogs with no forever homes.
That am Fenna and a Golden Retriever who am not my neighbor Quincy but who am really Teddy and that last dog am my old buddy Jack.
Jack am always thinking he am as great as me! Just cause I taught him up so good! I is a great teacher but I don't knows if I is great enough to teach a boy to be as great as me.
No. I will just has to beats up this old lawnmower and stay the greatest dog in the world.
What else can I do?
The things I do for my friends!

Posted by Shelby at 10:30 AM | Comments (2)

May 17, 2008

This am what a great birthday looks like!


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Posted by Shelby at 7:02 PM | Comments (3)

May 15, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Shelby Today am my birthday!
I is 3 years old! Can you believes it?
You is probably saying to yourself, "Shelby, how did you get so great in just 3 years?"
It were easy! It would be very hard for you. That am just the way things go.
It am also my brother Jimmy's birthday. So you can say Happy birthday to him too.
And my brother Ballou, and Layla and Donita too.
I don't know how they got the same birthday as me. It don't seem quite fair!
Since it am my birthday it am probably a international holiday so you probably am not in school. I is sure that no bad old germs would make any of my friends sick on my birthday so all you kids am probably out playing and not reading my great adventures.
So I will tells you all about them tomorrow.
I promise. It am going to be great!
It better be or a certain lazy somebody am getting they butt bit!

Posted by Shelby at 10:49 AM | Comments (2)

May 6, 2008

I has me a nephew!

Shelby Robin My sister Donita has gone and had her a baby. It were a boy!
It were a very big boy. It takes after me. I is his aunt so he may be a boy but he has gotted some of my special powers. This is good.
What am not so good is now I will has to get him presents on his birthday! I is a very poor dog who can't even buys herself pizza! I will just has to see what I can do.
I think teaching him how to fight am a good present. And I can teach him how to talk people's out of they ice cream! That am a great present! Gives a dog a nickel and he can buys him ice cream for a day, teaches him how to steal ice cream and he can eats forever!
I is very wise too.
Ben and friend I is pretty happy that there am more Shelby dogs running free. We is all pretty good dogs even if everybody knows I is the greatest of them.

On Sunday me, Ben, Robin and even Blue did us a very smart thing. We went on a walk to gets money to save poor dogs who hasn't got them no homes or enough good food.
Blue I was talking to these guys there and they says they also saves dog who people am being mean to! I told them that am stupid. Who would be mean to a dog! They didn't have them no answer to that let me tell you.
I then figured them guys were dog police. I thought about all the times David has been mean to me. You know they is sometimes HOURS when I don't gets me no treats! No cookies even! I figure the best thing to do is to tell David when we gets home that he better gives me a cookie or I will has to call them dog police and let them put David in Dog Prison! That would sure be funny! David being in Prison!
Shelby Friend But I thought about it some more and I thinks, "Who is going to give me cookies while David am in Prison?"
It am a good plan. I has to work it gooder.
I did not win the dog walk.
It weren't my fault!
I made a big mistake. I let David off his leash!
Dog Walk I know. That man never wins him any races if I is not dragging him to the finish line. Without him on leash I has to run all the way to the front and then I has to run all the ways back - and David am always at the very back that slow lazy thing - then all the way back to the front.
Shelby Robin When the race were over I must have gotted caught in one of them trips back to check that David hadn't gotted hisself all lost and weren't back there crying and scared!
I may nots has won the dog walk but me, Ben, Robin and Blue gived them dog saving people TWENTY DOLLARS!
Blue Robin You is probably saying to you self, "Shelby is always so broke! Where did she get twenty whole dollars!"
People gived it to us so we could give it to the people to save them poor dogs. It were like my money but it weren't my money. It were them dogs money.
I loves me some pizza but pizza don't taste real good Dog Walk when you knows that some dogs don't even has them no kibbles to eat and has to go to sleeps hungry and stuff!
Of course if you wanted to mail me a little ice cream as a reward for being so brave and noble and junk I think that would be very smart but only after you has gived the poor dogs in your neighborhoods some too!
Shelby Ben and Friend Oh we had us a good time. Robin and Blue done nothing but run around and get they pictures took.
Ben and me were racing and we was looking for good tough dogs to go lion hunting with us.
Ben's idea was that first we fights them and then if they am tough enough we invites them along.
This am a great plan!
Ben and Friend Like this guy here were a pretty good fighter but when Ben said, "Great googely moogely son. You fight pretty good. How's about joining me and Shelby on a big old lion hunt?"
That guy just said, "LIONS!! Them there big cats! Feets take me away from here!"
It went pretty much like that all day.
Ben and friend When I tried to get them dogs to fight me they'd make up some dumb excuse like, "I would fight you, honest I would but I have to win this here race first. I'm not scared or nothing I just have to win this here race!"
We did finally find us one good tough dog. Ben said, "Shelby, this old galoot here says he doesn't even know Ben and Galoot what a lion is! He says he isn't afraid of nothing except having to fight you or me again!"
"Not wanting to fight us Ben just shows that he am smart enough to helps us catch a whole big mess of lions!"
"Well give me a popsicle stick and call me shiskabab if that tain't the truth. Shelby!" said Ben.
Shelby Robin and Blue So you can see I is doing SWELL! I got me a new nephew that I is going to give good teaching him stuff presents too and we got us a pretty big tough old dog to help us catch us some lions and I has made sure some poor old dogs gets theyself a chance to eats some good food and sleeps somewhere nice and maybe even gets they a forever home.
I think it am time for a nap!

Posted by Shelby at 7:49 PM | Comments (1)

May 2, 2008

Do this look right to you?

We all know I is the most beautiful dog in the world but just look at me!
Shelby I is a mess! And you know why don't you?
You know that I is very careful about how I look and smell. You is probably saying, "Some mad man must have snuck in and poured a bucket of water all over Shelby! But what mad man is crazy enough and tough enough to do that?!?"
David! That's who!
I can't fights David. He breaks too easy. He gived me a stupid old bath! For no reason at all!
He says he has a reason but it am not very good.
On Sunday I has to go win another Dog Race.
It am a walk to rescue poor dogs who doesn't has them a good forever home. I think this am pretty good. I just hopes they get a gooder home than here where people gives you baths for no good reason.
Guess what.
Crazy David gived Ben a bath too!
Ben Ben had just got his hair just perfect too!
Look!
Ben Asleep Unlike some people me and Ben cares about how we looks and smells!
See how happy Ben am. See how good he looks. Smell how good he stinks!
Shelby And see me. See how great I look?
Gosh, I is so cute.
I think David gived us baths becasue he am jealous cause he knows he will never looks so good as Ben and me. Of course he'll never be able to smell as good as we stink!
We are going to go to the dog walk and all them other dogs am going to be laughing at us! They will snicker!
Snicker am a kind of laugh that am very mean and you do it cause you know the dg you is snickering at can beat you up!
Blue Blue sawed me all cleaned up and near had him a heart attack! "What happened to you Shelby? You were so beautiful and now, and now YOU SMELL LIKE A FLOWER!!"
How humiliating.
Humiliating am a word that means feeling really stupid! You knows how smart I is! So that shows you how stupid David is to gives me a bath to try and make me feel not as smart as we all know I is!
That am logic!
Then Ben thought him up something, "shelby. Its a real good diea that you and me go out there and make some money to save them poor dogs, right?"
Shelby "It sure am Ben! Last year I won one of these things and Jack's mom and me made us over 200 dollars!"
"How much money is that, Shelby?"
"I don't know, Ben. At least enough to save too hundred dogs I'll bet! This year we've already made us twenty dollars!"
"Twenty dollars, well roast 'em, toast 'em and serve 'em sunn side up! That's a powerful lot of money, Shelby!"
Shelby "I bet it am enough to save two kajillion of them dogs!"
"You're right, Shelby. Roll me in corn meal and call me a hot tamale if it isn't! But you know what Shelby? I'll bet some of them other smart dogs at this dog walk might be some good lion hunters!"
I had to think for a minute, "You could be right, Ben. You just could be."
"Since we're so smelly like flowers I'll bet those other dogs will think we're real scardey dogs and they'll try and fight us!"
"You're right , Ben. You are exactly right! And after we beats them up we can ask the best fighters if they is tough enough to hunt them some lions with us!"
Ben said, "This could work out as well as a double dip of vanilla ice cream! We help some poor dogs get them some good forever homes and we get some good fighting dogs to join our hunting trip! I bet old David never thought of that!"
I said, "You is sure right about that. David never has him any of the good ideas! We should take us a good nap as a reward for thinking up this great plan!"
And we did.
Ben And Shel 1 Ben And Shel 2 Ben And Shel 3

Posted by Shelby at 9:51 PM | Comments (1)