July 18, 2008
Some people don't know when they am good off!
Do you know what David said to me?
You'll never guess!
He said I complain about EVERYTHING!
Darn right I do! If I doesn't complain then nobody around here ever fixes nothing! And I could go hungry or not get the pets I need or not gets all the cookies I deserve!
It would be very terrible!
At least for me.
There am plenty of things I should be complaining about but I don't! Mainly because David don't even fix the things I is already complaining about!
And he said, "Shelby, if you had a kajillion dollars you'd complain about having to pay taxes on it." TAXES!
Why would they wants a poor little bitty dog like me who has no money to gives them taxes! You have to complain about that and you know you do!
Even Old Blue him are complaining. He says it am too hot and he says he am not getting him no haircut no matter how hot it gets.
See Robin didn't complain and he got him a haircut.
We is laughing at him but we can't put up no picture because he said he would get mad at me if I do.
Robin said, "If my mom wants me looking all stupid she has a really good reason! That doesn't mean you should make people laugh at me!"
Boys. There am something else people should all be doing more complaining about. Boys!
One thing no one complains about am their old friends.
I has heard me from J-Dog and Jack. Neither one of them sent me no presents.
J-Dog she am doing pretty good. She says that she gets to pick blackberries right off the bush and eats them right up. Her forever home has it a food tree!
I don't has me no food tree but you notice I isn't complaining about that. I isn't even complaining about J-Dog not sending me none of them delicious blackberries!
I knows J-Dog pretty good. If she am eating something you know it am delicious!
She is pretty happy in her forever home. She says she's sure not leaving it!
Jack has writed me with some very big news. He am going to have him a brother or a sister. He hasn't figured this part out yet. I don't know why he can't figure out what his new sister am going to be a boy or a girl.
If I was there I could figure it all out and smells it up just like that!
Jack am him pretty happy about this. I hope his new sister am a girl. It takes a good girl to smarten Jack up you know.
Jack did send me a movie. A movie am not a present. You can't eat it!
It am a pretty good movie. Pretty good. It am not a great movie cause I isn't in it! You can watches it anyway.
I has to take me a nap and figure out what else am wrong around here.
Not that anybody will ever fixes nothing around here.
Unless of course I does it. That am always the way it am. I has to do EVERYTHING!
It am a good thing I is so great.
July 4, 2008
Jimmy's Summer VacationMy brother comes to visit me so he can steal all my friends!
Last time he comed he was all buddy buddy with my friend J-Dog. But she am a girl and a girl am always smarter than any old boy. But this time Jimmy am saying his best friend am BLUE!!
Two boys. I is shaking my head, and pointing my eyes up at the ceiling at the same time.
You should try it and then you will know exactly how I feels about that!
But that am not what am really really important.
I tooks all them boys to my lake so they could do them some super scientific investigating.
I know I is so great that it am sometimes very hard for you to remember all the things I is great at. One of the things I is great at am being a super scientific experimenter discover girl!
Here am proof. At the lake I has made this great discovery. Just look!!
That's right! Shelby, your modest friend, has made her another great scientifical discovery!
I has found a new kind of dinosaur!!!
It am a very interesting dinosaur. I know it am a new kind because it am tasting terrible! And everybody knows dinosaurs am usually very delicious.
If they was not so good tasting they would probably be whole lots more dinosaurs running around today!
The best thing about making a new scientifical discovery is that the discoverer (who am me) gets to name what it is they has found! Naming stuff am almost as much fun as discovering stuff! You probably don't know that because you has not discovered much stuff. I am always making great discoveries so I is very experienced in this.
You is probably saying to yourself, "Shelby will probably call her new dinosaur a Shelbysaurus! That is a great name!"
You is right. That would be a great name. But you am wrong too. I just told you the good part first so you wouldn't feel like a dumb old boy. I is so polite. Sometimes.
For a while I used my giant brain to thinks up a real good joke name. Just imagine if you went to school and opened your books and had to learn all about the "Poopis-head-stinky-tasting-spotted-yukkyy-saur!" That would be such a good joke!
But a new kind of dinosaur am too serious a thing to make jokes about even real good jokes like that! I was thinking of the second greatest dinosaur discoverer in the world: My buddy Ben. We once fought a whole passel of dinosaurs together and we even found us a snake! Cause Ben were my friend and cause he were a great discoverer I is naming this new dinosaur guy Benjisaurus Rex!
You has to pretend they is a whole big band playing and drums bashing and stuff then you has to say BENJISAURUS REX in a real big voice!. That am what they usually does when a great scientist am naming stuff.
Now you am probably saying, "Shelby, this is a very important announcement about the new dinosaur you've discovered but we all really want to know about your handsome brother Jimmy and how his visit went!"
Sometimes you is very pushy. I was going to get to it!
That am Jimmy. He comed.
He bought me LOTS of presents! Like a moose and some pizza cookies and some salmon cookies and some cow toes.
I wonders if Jimmy knows how lucky he am to have such a great sister to give stuff to. Just think of all the poor boys out there who want to be all nice and generous and who doesn't has them no great sister! Poor dumb old boys.
Jimmy sure am lucky he can gives stuff to me!
When Jimmy first got here he tried to beat me up! He did. He said he had been exercising and taking fighting lessons from some police dogs. I figure they was boy police dogs cause Jimmy sure don't fight him no gooder! I beat him up real easy!
That am good good for Jimmy cause when you is a girl dog, after you beats somebody up, even if it am your brother you has to be friends with them! Even with boys.
It am a rule or something.
So I introduced Jimmy to Robin and Blue. I didn't has to introduce him to dumb old David. Jimmy sure remembered him. He said David has sure not gotted himself no smarter! I has to agree with him about that! It am very embarrassing especially since you know how hard I works trying to teach David something. I'd be happy if he would learn him anything!
So I was showing Jimmy around my yard and showing him which of my neighbor dogs he has to bark fight with and where the rabbits has dug them some holes when the next thing I know he Jimmy am not listening (Does boys EVER listen?) I looks up and Jimmy am off playing with his new best friend BLUE!
He was even trying to teach Blue how to drive his car!!
Blue am too big to even fit in a car right! How can he drives it?!?
See, there am photographical proof! Blues big old head am denting the ceiling and making big old lumps in the roof!
Boys! All you can do am shake your head real slow. Like I does.
Jimmy says, "Big sister, please take us to your lake. And please let Blue and Robin come!"
Aunt Sheryl, Uncle Chuck, David and mare comed along with us. I don't know why them people comed. I guess it were to make sure us dogs didn't have so much fun we forgets to go home!
I think the lake were the best part of Jimmy's Summer Vacation. It were pretty good. Pretty good.
Of course I won the race! When you am with your borther you is always racing no matter what it am you is doing. Jimmy kept him trying too but I is just a greater racer! And even while I was racing I discovered me a new dinosaur and a turtle! (Turtles probably look like dinosaurs to you but I is a scientist so I knows they am just turtles. But they are very exciting for something that am not a dinosaur.)
Everybody loves going to Lake Shelby. (See, I discovered it so it am mine and I named it.) See Robin up there. He were saying, "Gosh Shelby, your lake is sure beautiful"
That am so. Now you needs to take a look at that picture over there.
This over there! -->
See, some peoples looks at that picture and they say, "Oh my! What a pair of handsome dogs!" or, "Ooo, doesn't that look beautiful! The blue sky, the shimmering clear water the vast expanse of trees!"
They am wrong.
What that am a picture of is two big butts!!
Poodle butts just ripe for biting!
I was going to get me some good bites in too but then Jimmy decided to play a good joke on Uncle Chuck. See Jimmy would jump in the water and then he'd just jump all over Uncle Chuck. Oh we was all laughing at that. So Jimmy did it again and again!
You know it just kept getting funnier every time he did it!
And then, you know what? Jimmy's vacation were over. He had to go back home. I thought Blue were going to cry. Blue kept him saying "Jimmy, I will come visits you!"
He kept telling Robin that Jimmy were his new best friend and he kept him saying, "Well, Jimmy says this and Jimmy says that." Blue were very boring. Everyone am boring when they am not talking about me!
But I am pretty glad Jimmy did come to see me. He bought me lots of good presents and that am very very important.
I gived him a great present too. I gived him a whole cow's ear!
I didn't want to. David made me.
I hope Jimmy comes to see me some more. And brings me more presents!
He tried to kiss me!!