August 29, 2008
Yesterday were his birthday!It were David's birthday so I woked him up with just a beautiful kiss on his face and then I said, "Happy Birthday! What you going to give me?!?!"
A day isn't much good if you is not giving a great dog a present! And I did give him a very very nice kiss.
I said, "I wants me a fast car and a mobile phone so I can call all my friends! And some bon bons!" I don't know for sure what a bon bon am but I think they must be very delicious. I wants to be sitting on my sofa and talking to my friends while I eats me some bon bons. Then I can go out and races in my new car. I is a great driver and I bet I will win me plenty of races, just plenty!
David he just pets me on my noggin and he goes outside WITHOUT HIS DOG! How stupid am that. How can he has a birthday without him a great dog? Stupid, stupid stupid.
That am why I has to stay with him. He am so stupid I is always having to saves him.
When he comed back we had us a party!
Since I was there it were a pretty good party. See that food?
It am good food. It am BACON! SAUSAGE! SHELBY ICE CREAM! CHICKEN! and some cookies!
You can see I ated my bacon first. Bacon am a very good food for a dog. Very good.
I saved my desert for last cause that am what you does when you am a sophisticated girl like I is.
Robin ated his bacon last cause he am a boy and don't know no better. He said that the bacon were so delicious smelling that he wanted to eat it and then just remember how it tasted the rest of the day.
That am almost pretty smart, but only almost.
Blue am Blue of course so he ated all his food up in one big mouthful!!
He says it were all so delicious with all them flavors just rolling around on his tongue and on his teeths.
Right away Blue just wanted him some more!
I don't blame him for that but it am stupid of him to think he am going to get more. If them am more to get you know it am going to be me getting it!
Then me and the ladie did us some girl birthday stuff!
We are such girls but I is still tough!
We painted us our nails! LOOK AT MINE!
I said paint mine blood red so that people will be thinking I has been out fighting! There am nothing more beautiful than a girl dog who has been fighting is what I think.
I cannot see them colors but you can! Am that really blood red?
I don't trust David about fashion. Look how he dresses! I has never once seed him in a beautiful fur coat and never in a coat as beautiful as mine!
So that were David's birthday.
You may has noticed I did not get me no race car and I did not get me no mobile phone. That am why I is not calling you. David tried to tell me a big old story that Shelby ice cream am the same as bon bons. I is not very sure about that.
You has probably also noticed I is not complaining about it.
August 17, 2008
I is the most generous dog in the world!
I has learned a new word!
Even when you am a super genius like me you still can learn new stuff. That am hard to believe but it am true.
My new word it am GOURMET!
It means you loves your food! That means I is probably the greatest gourmet in the world because nobody can loves food as much as I do!
It also means you am very sophisticated. We all knows how sophisticated I is.
When you goes to eat what you has to do is ask the waiter, who, for me, am usually David. If you am guessing he am a terrible waiter you am guessing right. It am not very hard to guesses that!
What you has to do is you ask to smell the can lid! I has watched me a lot of movies and all them sophisticated gourmets like me am always smelling can lids and bottle caps!
When you am smelling that lid it am good manners to take a lick. That way you get a extra bite of food that your dumb old waiter was either going to steal for hisself or throw away!
After you has smelled the lid you has to say sophisticated stuff like, "Lamb & Rice, 2008 May, the grocery store."
You has to say that real loud so that people will looks at you and go "Oooo, what a sophisticated lady!"
Now some of you people has tried to be mean to me. You has said, "Shelby, stop being so mean to Blue!"
I IS NEVER MEAN. I is the nicest dog in the world! You know I is!
I couldn't be mean if I wanted to. And you am all pretty lucky I has a full schedule or I be coming around to bite all you butts!
Saying I is mean!
Look there. That am proof. See Blue and Robin am playing WITH MY TOY!!
Is I biting they butts? NO!
Even though Blue deserves his butt being bit for stealing my toys I is not biting his butt. I is so nice.
No what you can see is that I is busy thinking about what I is going to have for dinner and other very important stuff, like WHEN IS I GOING TO HAVE DINNER!
Even Blue, who am a stupid boy who steals a good girl's toys, knows I is not mean to him even when he deserves to be meaned to!
See, there he am smiling away. Would you be smiling if you knowed the toughest fighting dog in the world were going to be mean to you?
Not even A Blue boy who steals my toys would be that crazy! But I forgives you for thinking sweet little me could ever be mean. I really does.
I is going to prove it to you.
I is going to share a super secret with you.
It am a recipe.
What am greater than that? I is just too generous to people especially people who calls me mean!
Not only am it Shelby food it am SHELBY ICE CREAM!
Did you just faint?
I bet you did! I don't blame you. This am very exciting!
Being ice cream this am very very healthy! IT IS! And you don't even need no adults to help you makes it!!
But let the adults buy the stuff to make it. That way you can save you nickels for super important stuff like mailing me some of the extra ice cream you has made to show that you is grateful I has forgived you or maybe just because you want to be as nice as me!
I will be out by the mailbox.
Shelby Ice Cream
32 oz non-fat all natural gelatin-free plain yogurt
1 mashed banana
2 T peanut butter (this am very important. Peanut butter has extra delicious vitamins!)
2 T honey
Mix all these ingredients in your blender or food processor or just stirs it all up real good. If you am rich you can uses a salt-less automatic ice cream maker. This makes this easy!
If you am not rich get you some of them 5 oz paper cups. Pour in all this raw ice creams and then freezes them up!
Then when you good dog am ready to have him a delicious treat, which am always when you am a gourmet like me, just takes out a cup and peels off the paper.
Then you will has you one very happy dog!
I is not being mean. I is still waiting out by the mailbox.
You has not mailed me my share of the Shelby Ice Creams!
I is not being mean. I is just noticing.
I is also noticing that my teethes am very very sharp.
August 11, 2008
I has been busy laughing!You want to know what I is really been laughing at?
I know you do. We all needs us to be laughing most of the time!
Look at that picture!
<-- That picture there.
You is thinking, "Oh my! Isn't Shelby the most beautiful dog you've ever seen!"
This is true but right after that you is thinking, "Gosh, what are Robin and Shelby looking at? They sure are looking hard! And it looks like they're laughing!"
Its am hard to take a picture of a laugh especially when you has a lousy photogetter like David.
I will tells you what we is laughing at!
IT AM BLUE!!!! He gotted hisself a haircut! LOOK!
Isn't that the funniest thing you has ever seed!
We were really laughing!
Now you am going, "Oh Shelby! Blue is very funny looking but it is not very nice of you to laugh at people because of the way they look! You are usually the nicest dog in the world!"
I IS the nicest dog in the world, that am true. See this is why I has to teach you stuff!
You just thinks a minute.
You should be saying, "Shelby is laughing at Blue. That is a mean thing to do. Shelby is not a mean girl, she is a good girl. So she must be laughing at Blue because he has been very very bad!"
See that am logic. It am something you doesn't use very much that am why I has to teaches it to you.
Blue were him very very bad!
When I tells you you won't believes it!
I was making David make us a delicious pizza. Oh, it were so beautiful. I made David puts on all these very delicious ingredients like cheese and then a little extra cheese.
It were a giant pizza. We loves our pizza around here! We all eats it and shares and we tells gossip and I tells jokes and between mouthfuls everybody always says, "Tell us another funny story, Shelby!"
And if you think it am because I can't eat and talk at the same time you is wrong! Cause I sure can talk and eat pizza at the same time! I is very talented.
Our pizza parties are the best! You can come over for one sometime. You bring the pizza!
I was trying to explain to dumb David that what our pizza needed were some delicious ice cream right on the top of it!
While I was telling him how delicious some good old creamy ice cream with some bacon sprinkles all over it would be you could see David's eyes going all funny like he was imagining just how delicious that pizza ala Shelby would be when you won't believe it!
I must have made that pizza sound so delicious that Blue couldn't stand it! He jumped up, grabbed the pizza from the counter and runned outside and ATE THE WHOLE THING BY HISSELF!!!
I couldn't believes it.
I stood there with my mouth open. That am what you do when you sees something you can't believes! Try it! Even if you doesn't see something you can't believe if you stand there with you mouth open and look like that pretty soon you will think there am all kinds of stuff you can't believe! It am a great trick!
So Blue ruined our great pizza party AND I DIDN'T GET ME NO PIZZA!
Even Robin were mad at Blue!
So to gets even with him when Blue were getting his haircut we made us a even gooder pizza and we had us a party without Blue!
We missed Blue being there but it were more fun talking about him and how sad he were going to be when he seed we had us a party without him!
Serves him right!
Oh he were terrible sad. Just terrible.
He said he were sorry and would never steal him no more pizza unless he shared it with me first.
I believes him because nobody am silly enough to want me to be mad at them!
Since he apologized and since I ended up getting me some pizza (even if it didn't have no delicious ice creams on it) I said, "Blue, since you know you weres a bad boy I will forgives you!"
See how great and kind I is.
I even gived him a kiss! See!
I still think David should have let me beat him up but I were being all noble and stuff so I forgived him and then I stole his cows ear.