November 27, 2008
Happy All You Can Eat Day!!YAY!
This is my favorite day! Right after my Birthday, Christmas and any day I don't gets me no bath!
It is a very good day.
There am only one problem with it. This am the day when you has to start being good ALL THE TIME!!
I hates being good. I is a very good dog but it am very different when you is being good and doing what you want to do and when you has to be good.
But being good is worth it when you gets tons of Christmas Presents!
I needs me tons of Christmas presents.
The day started with us getting some pretty good breakfasts. It had it some kibbles, which am always delicious, some dog food which were it lamb and a little bit of it some turkey loaf which were very tasty!
Then I made us some dinner!
I is a great cook.
You sees here I made THREE dinners! I could have made just one dinner and had all that good food all just for me! But I is being good. See, that am why I hates being good! Being good could makes you starve!
As you can see I has used my super giant brain to make a very good and healthy meal.
I starts me with a delicious bed of kibbles because without kibbles it am not no dinner! Then I puts on a piece of pizza!
Pizza am the perfect food for a dog. You can see right in its name it has two whole Z vitamins! Z vitamins am what you body makes when you is sleeping. When you takes a nap you body it makes it one Z vitamin a nap so when you has you some pizza it am likes you has had two naps all at once! Z vitamins am very important because they makes a dog happy!
Then on top of that pizza I has put a sausage! The sausage am to give the food a good round shape and flavor. You can has a square meal but you has to round it up so them square corners don't poke your stomach!
Then I adds a pice of chicken cause I had me some chicken lying around doing nothing. Then I adds my secret ingredient: BACON!!
Bacon has healthy B, C and A vitamins and it also has essential O vitamins but what makes it be magic am them delicious N vitamins! Them N vitamins taste them so good!
You can see Robin and Blue there am just enjoying my fine fine cooking. I am going to tell Santa that they didn't say "Thank you for cooking us a delicious dinner!" Then Santa will think they is bad dogs and not grateful and then he will gives me at least one of they presents for Christmas!
That am what I means about this time. You has to be very careful because being good am very very hard!
Now David has said something which you may think am very dumb but you can't say it am dumb because then you would be being bad! So no matter how stupid something David says am you has to not say so! Being good seems stupid but I knows that on Christmas day it will seems worth it!
What David says am that Happy All You Can Eat Day am not just about eating as much as you can as fast as you can. I know what you am thinking. I thinked that too.
He says today am a day we am supposed to remember all we got and say thank you. I is going to do that so Santa sees how good I is.
I is thankful that I has me so many good friends. I likes that you write to me especially when you writes how great I is.
I thanks Blue and Robin because now I always has me two dumb old boys to beats up!
I thanks my brother Jimmy because he comes to visit me and brings me good presents! I thanks the people he hangs around with too. Jimmy am not so smart like me and needs help driving cars and stuff.
I thanks David because he gives good tummy rubs and I likes bossing him.
I thanks the ladie who brings me some pretty good treats even if she don't brings me enough of them!
And I thanks all my patients for telling me how they is all getting better. I does think about you guys.
Because I is being so good I is going to let Blue and Robin talk even if they am just boys!
Hi. Its me. Blue.
Shelby says I have to tell you thanks you so I can get good presents for Christmas. I like good presents so I'm going to do it.
I thank Shelby. She gives me fighting lessons and only charges me a nickel a lesson plus one of my treats a day. That is a very good deal.
Shelby says to learn to beat people up you have to learn to get beat up real good. Shelby beats me up so good I bet I'm the toughest dog in the world, after Shelby, I mean.
I want to thank David because he takes me on walks and lets me smell stuff.
I want to thank rawhides because I love them so much. I talk to my rawhides and tell them how much I loves them.
I want to thank all you people who tell Shelby to let me tell some jokes.
If I could think of one I'd tell you one right now. I'm too full of good food to be funny now.
I want to thank my brother, Robin, for playing with me when I get scared or lonely and for sometimes helping me try and beat up Shelby!
I want to thank my mom because she lets me live here.
I'm done. Except for thanking Jack McCoy who is my hero.
I am Robin! Hi!
I want to thank my mom for being the greatest mom in the history of the world.
I want to thank Shelby for being my buddy and for letting me have this chance to thank everybody especially my mom.
David deserves to be thanked. He is not anywhere near as great as my mom but he's alright even if he doesn't take us on long enough walks and gets mad when you jump on him. He is still a lot of fun to bite and I bite him all the time even when he says stop!
And I want to thank my mom.
My brother Blue should be thanked. I'm not sure why. I guess because my mom loves him. He is also pretty good to play with and reminds David when it is time for us to go on a walk.
I also need to tell you that my mom is so great it makes my heart explode from being so happy.
I'm grateful for food and for toys and for balls. And all the other things my mom works so hard to buy for me.
I'm not thanking the cat because she won't let me bite her on the tail and she gets into places I can't reach and won't move no matter how much I bark at her!
Did I thank my mom yet?
This am me again. You should go eat something. I is going to. My stomach is not even close to being filled up!
You can come by and visit me. You should bring me a present so that Santa will se you am being good!
That is a great tip I is giving you and for free! See how good I is?
November 14, 2008
I HAS LOST!I has not wonned the election!!
I know. You am thinking, "No, Shelby, it is not you who lost the election, it is us, the people who have lost the election!"
You am part right. You did lose. BUT I LOSTED MORE!
I wanted to blow things up and boss everybody and plays all the time and have my own car to drive.
There am a lot of reasons I has losted.
First, they cheated!
Second the newspapers made up all sorts of terrible lies about me. THEY DID! Like they said, "If you don't vote for Shelby she will bite you on your butt!" That am a lie! What I said were, "Votes for me or you will get your butt bit!"
Then they printed up a dirty picture of me! BUT IT WERE NOT ME!!
If you is gentle and sweet like me don't you look at this picture! That am a warning. I has to show it to you so you can see how terrible my opponents them guys were!
<== See? What a terrible picture!
I is offended!
And that am not me! This am a dirty trick! I knows that cats am for chasing and that cats am not for loving!
I has gotted the cat in that picture to testify!
"I am Nikki and the wonderrrful, handsome dog in my picturrre is my good frrriend Jimmy.
See it am not me. NOT ME! Did you notice how funny cats be talking?
A lot of you is writing to me and saying, "Shelby, are you going to run again?"
That am dumb! Of course I is going to run! I is the world's fastest dog! I runs everyplace!
Robin will be my running mate again.
He is a very good running mate, the world's second greatest bark fighter and he am paying me a nickel and I get a mouthful of his food at every meal!
That am what we needs more of in government. People paying me and giving me food!
All I can say is that the guys who won am at least smarts enough to be getting them some good dogs! That am the smartest thing they could do. Them dogs will not be so great as me but at least they will be a lot smarter than people.
Us dogs knows us how to boss things so it will be okay.
You knows my brother Jimmy? Of course you do! If you don't that means you am not paying good attention!
Look at this. You see that other real beautiful dog there. That am my sister Layla. She am not so beautiful as me. And she am so little!
She am younger than me and not so beautiful as me but she am my sister so she am just beautiful enough!
Jimmy has finally sended me his pictures of him at Halloween. He went trick or treating with his friend Lucky. Lucky am a girl dog so you know she am very very smart.
Now then you has to wait and not look so you will be surprised!
There am Jimmy's secret costume and there am lucky in her costume!
If you am smart like me when you first looked at it you said, Jimmy is Romeo and Lucky is dressed in a pretty gown like Juliet! They are Romeo and Juliet!"
We all knows Romeo and Juliet am this movie about two kids who goes out on dates and stuff and has good sword fights!
But if you looks more careful you will notice something! You am getting hungry!
Now I is always hungry so at first I is thinking David has forgotted to give me my dinner again! And then I remembered I had just ated right before I gots my emails. Then I looked real real careful at Jimmy's picture!
He am not Romeo or a knight! See, he don't got him no sword for sword fighting!
He am disguised him as a hot dog!!
And Lucky, she am a beautiful ballerina!
Them am good disguises. But am they the right disguises for trick or treating?
When you am trick or treating the main thing is to gets you lots of loot! So you wants to scare people pretty good so they will give you good candy so a mean scary monster won't come back and play no tricks on them!
See, when Lucky goes to the door people says, "Oh look! A beautiful dancer dog. I will have to give her lots of candy so she will like me!"
But when Jimmy comes to the door people says, "Jimmy! You are a hot dog! Hot dogs don't eat. Hot dogs are supposed to be eaten!"
Then Jimmy has to run because he is so delicious looking!
Being delicious looking am not the best way to get candy and treats!
Jimmy were going to go him as a cowboy! That am a bit smarter because everybody knows cowboys has to work real hard and that they am always hungry and stuff so they will give him lots of food so he will keep his cows off their front yards!
Pretty soon it will be HAPPY ALL YOU CAN EAT DAY! I loves that day because I never gets enough to eat. But then it is starting the time you can't be nothing but good because the next big day am CHRISTMAS!!
I still hates being good but you have to. You has no choice.
Even big old Blue has to be good and he hates being good!
He says he likes being bad and stealing food and yelling at cats and digging holes and stuff.
It IS a lot of fun.
But you can't or Santa Paws won't bring you nothing good!
Even Robin hates being good. I don't know why. Robin is always good anyway.
Boys are too hard to figure out sometimes.
November 1, 2008
Happy Give ME Candy Day!Hi. This is me.
I now have a very important job. I am the head of security but don't tell anybody. It is a secret!
It is my job to make sure nobody hurts Shelby or Robin while they are out campaigning and trick or treating!
It is a very hard job and it is a good thing I am so scary and big. Because we went out today and we were surrounded with little MONSTERS!!
There were skeletons and vampires! Skeletons are like bones you can eat but they are walking around!! And vampires are dressed all fancy but they just want to bite you!
I stood right behind Shelby and Robin and told them monsters you better not mess with us!
Here are a few words from your candidate.
My friends. I knows you am my friends cause none of you am dumb enough to get you butts bit! My friends It were Halloween last night! This am a very important day because it means this am the last day you can be bad and play tricks on people!
That's right. Now you has to start practicing being real good because Happy Christmas day am coming very soon. In just a month you can't be bad at all or Santa Paws will not comes to your house and then he will have all them extra presents to give to somebody who should be ME!
It am a very good day. We went tricks or treating and got us some PIZZA and some FRENCH FRIES! Those are very good and healthy foods to gives to dog.
If you gives a dog Pizza and french fries won't nobody be playing no tricks on you let me tell you!
As you can see I wents on Halloween as a beautiful candidate. I is so beautiful that everybody knewed it were me. You just can't hide when you is as beautiful as I is.
Here am my friend Roxy/ She am wearing a very good costume. I knew her right off. She am dressed up as Bob Marley who am a famous reggae singer. See, she got dreadlocks and everything!
Roxy said she's not Bob Marley she says she am a lion!
I just shakes my head. I has been hunting lions. I knows what a lion he am looking like. And that am not quite it.
See, here am a good lion costume on a dog. If I weren't a super genius I might has thought it were a real lion! So I tells Roxy to feel people and tells them she am Bob Marley!
Now here am a scary costume! You would think that dog it were all hurted but it am just a very good trick! That dog am not it hurted at all but I bet you was sure scared!
That dog were saying, "BOO! I am a poor hurt dog who can only feel better if you give me lots of candy and ice cream!"
I told him to say that and I bet it worked real good for him and he owes me some of that ice cream he got!
You has heared old Blue telling you about vampires. Well, here am a Count Dracula dog!! He is a kajillion times scarier than a people vampire because dogs already has them some great biting teeths. People just don't gets it, how to bites people. Dogs sure do but only if you am a bad guy or a robber. We don't bites good guys and people who gives us candy!
I bet this guy got his tons of good candy and stuff!
Now here am a good trick costume.
See that dog he am pretending to be a horse!! But here am the good part. See that guy who am riding that there dog who pretends to be a horse? There's nobody there! It am a trick! This is a good trick because when this guy goes to a house and says "Trick or treat!" people will gives this guy a cookie and then he can say, "HEY! What about a cookie for the guy who is riding me!"
Since there's really no guy riding him that dog gets him a FREE COOKIE!!!
Next year I am going to do that same trick only I is going to have two guys who are not there riding me! Then I will get THREE cookies!
That am why I is a super-genius!
This am Robin. He has got him no costume. He says as he am my running mate it would not be dignified!
HA HA on him! He would still get him some Pizza and some french fries! And he am not even a beautiful girl like me!
One thing is I has not gotted me no picture of Jimmy! That am my brother is case you doesn't pay attention. Jimmy him usually does him so pretty good costumes! Last year he was him Superman!! That am pretty good. I don't know what he was him this year.
He won't tell me.
I figures it were probably pretty good and he am just wanting me to write all about only him!
They has such big egos!
That means they am not all gorgeous and modest like I is!
Boys am just them so silly.
Remember to votes for me! I will passes us a law that we doesn't has to be quite so good on Christmas so we can has us lots more fun.
I is still trying to use my big brain to figures out why it am so much more fun being bad then it is fun to be good.
This am a deep and serious question that I will solve for everybody when I is elected.