December 30, 2008
Here am BIG newsLook at that!
Do not be going, "Oh, Shelby! You look so tired! And what is that you are playing with?!"
If you thought that you must be a BOY!
That big dog am my sister, Donita! Donita went and had her some puppies!
That right. I is now an official AUNT! Them there puppies will forever be known as Shelby nieces and nephews.
They is so lucky!
Has you ever seed anything cuter in you life? I mean after me of course.
I will has to teach them how to be smart. I will try and teach them boys not to be so boyish and I will try and teach them girls to be just like me!
I takes being a aunt very serious. With 8 new Shelby's I think you can see how the world am already it a better place!
They am not smart enough to know what they names is yet. I will tell you when I knows.
Remember me telling you that my old student and buddy Jack were getting him a new brother?
Well, I did. You has to pay better attention when I is talking to the computer.
Anyway it has happened!
Jack has him a brother! That am him over there -->
Jack's brothers name am Samuel. I calls him Sam. I will has to look it up but because I is Jack's buddy I might be Sam's aunt too!
Wouldn't that be lucky!
Jack thought they should call the baby Jack.
That am stupid. How would his parents know who to call! They could have a nice bowl of dog food all ready and Baby Jack would show up!
Samuel am a good name. Not so good a name as Shelby but there am only one Shelby.
This am a picture of Samuel's and Jack's dad.
That am Samuel he am holding.
I am not sure why Dad am him looking so tired. I don't think Samuel am that heavy.
He might be loaded with big powerful muscles. He could have inherited them big muscles from me.
Hooray for baby puppies and baby people!
They am all very lucky. I know Jack's parents and they am pretty smart. Not so smart as me but who is!
Yay for Sam and Donita!
That am all the news for now.
I think that am plenty.
You can go now. I is done.
December 26, 2008
I hope you had you a Merry Merry ChristmasYou see that picture?
You is probably saying to youself, "Oh no! Why is Shelby so sad! OH NO OH NO! Didn't Santa bring her all the presents she asked for?!? She was being so good!"
And I were too being good!
Look at old Blue. Don't he look happy. He should he got the rawhide he asked Santa for!
And I helped him write his letter to Santa. It were me made sure he signed it and everything.
Look you can see how proud he am of his brand new rawhide. He am flaunting it!
That am not good dog to flaunt your Christmas present at a girl!
Robin am him sleeping all peaceful and happy. He got his two nickels to get his mom a special present! But it were me who picked out what to get her. Boys am very stupid when it comes to presents! He were going to get her a ball!! I made him get her a beautiful scarf and gloves and a hat. I even gived him one of my nickels so he could afford it. It were that beautiful and that expensive!
Look even my brother Jimmy got him great stuff!
I know him's tree is not as beautiful as mine but he sure got a lot of loot around that tree! It takes a girl dog to know how to make a really beautiful tree. But look!!
He got him a really super bunny rabbit!
I bet it am real soft and tasty too!
It don't seem fair do it!
I keep being so good and Jimmy am him a boy!
No boy can be so good as a good girl especially when that girl am me. I am Shelby!!
Then my brother sends me this! Just look!
Even a cat got her a big old Christmas stocking filled with great loot!
Yes that am Nikki who am she a cat sitting next to Jimmy going through their Christmas loot!
Even Jack who I has taughted everything he knows worth knowing got hisself a brand new baby brother for Christmas! It am a boy. I sure hope I taught Jack enough to take care of that boy. He only weighs 7 pounds! That am so tiny!
Oh I got me some stuff. Yes. Here am a picture.
You can see it am just like I told you my tree am just super gorgeous when it has got itself filled with presents.
Yes. There am some pretty good loot there. Pretty good.
Santa bought us each one of these guys. The chicken were mine. The rabbit were Robin's and the pig were Blue's. I traded Blue my chicken for some of his Christmas dinner. Blue don't remembers what special foods we get for Christmas.
It am a good thing I do! Remember that is.
Here am some more loot. See?
Robin got him a BIG BAG of Denta Bones. He really loves them Denta Bones. I go me some Busy Bones. Thems things am delicious and so much fun to eats.
See that beautiful white present that am wrapped so beautiful. That am our present for Robin's mom! I wrapped it. Isn't that the most beautiful package you has ever seed. It seems silly to open something up that pretty!
I know you is saying, "Of course its beautiful! Shelby wrapped that present!"
So we played with our toys and we was having us a pretty good time and feeling all Christmas-y. You has probably noticed something.
You has probably said, "Shelby, where's your presents from David?"
Stingy old David am too cheap to ever buy his dog a present. Even when I gived him the best Christmas present he ever imagined! I gived him a big kiss right on his cheek!
But I is used to depending on Santa for her to bring me good stuff.
What you am not seeing am my helicopter!! I didn't even get me no car!!
How is I supposed to go see all my friends with no car! How can I go see all my patients and do my great doctoring with no helicopter! HOW CAN I CHASES THEM BIRDS!
It am a good thing that it were Christmas dinner time real soon or I would has beed so sad.
But you can't be crying when you has got a great Christmas dinner like this.
Look at it. It am steak which makes a girls coat all shiny, and ham which is like squishy bacon, and pepperoni and pork chops which am good for smelling all greasy!
It were a delicious dinner. Very healthy and nutritious too!
Blue were sure him mad when he remembered he promised to trade a bite of that dinner!
He had plenty! I was doing him a favor. He could gets himself all fat and slow!
Even Robin thought this dinner were too good to share with Blue. Robin was just chomping away saying how happy he were he didn't make him no trades!
He kept saying after each swallow, "I got my mom a great Christmas and made her happy and I got this great Christmas dinner. You know what? This is the Merriest Christmas I've ever had!"
While I was eating I was thinking about that.
Even if I didn't get no car and no helicopter I still got a lot of loot. And I still has all you great friends. And I is still the greatest dog in the world.
You know it really were it a Merry Christmas!
I hope you all had you a Merry Christmas. I hope you got some great loot. If you want to share it I is still very poor.
Merry Christmas and has you a happy New Year! I can't believes how many of you guys was born on January 1!
December 24, 2008
You know what? It am almost here!You know I is talking about Christmas.
I is very excited. I bet you is too.
Just one more sleep to Christmas!
I has been trying to sleep but I is so excited. You know I is the greatest sleeping dog in the world so you know how excited I has to be!
I has beed so good for almost a WHOLE MONTH! I know I is going to get all the great loot I deserves!
I is still having great adventures of course. I is just that kind of dog.
I went to the food store to get me some Christmas dinner and you won't believe what I seed!
Look at him!
Does you know what kind of dog he is? I sure didn't. So I says, "Hey you! Merry Christmas. What kind of dog you is?"
And he said in this big voice, "Merry Christmas, Shelby!" When you am a famous fighting dog like me everybody knows who you is. "Isn't the right way to start a conversation by asking me my name?"
"You am right! Merry Christmas, what you name and what kind of dog is you?"
"My name is Blackie and I am not a dog. I am a donkey! And a very handsome donkey at that!"
"So you am a donkey dog? That am interesting I doesn't have me no donkey dog buddies. I is glad to knows you Blackie!"
Then I herd something crazy! Living next to Blackie was this!!
I yelled at them, "Hey you big fat birds! Happy holidays! Why isn't you flying?"
All they said to me was "Cawakkk! Buck cluck cluck!"
Then that big fuzzy thing what looked like Robin said, "They can't fly! They are chickens. Happy holidays, Shelby!"
"Happy holidays fuzzy thing! What am you name and what kind of dog is you?
"I'm not a dog, Shelby! I'm a lamb and Lamb is my name! The big lady behind me is my mom. She's a sheep!"
"Hi, Lamb! You sure you am not a dog? You sure looks just like my buddy Robin!"
"You friend, Robin must be very handsome if he looks like me!" said Lamb.
"You knows what? I wants to chase you!"
"Oh that would be fun, Shelby but I have to stay here and say hello to people and wish them Season Greetings. It is a very important job!"
"Okay, when you am finished working I will come back here and chases you real good! Seasons greetings, Lamb!"
Then I saw something I couldn't believes. They was a big big noise!
"You am almost as big as my buddy Blue! What am you name and what kind of dog am you?!?"
"Merry Christmas, Shelby. I am Moe the Camel!"
What kind of dog am a camel? Is that like a giant poodle? You looks just like my buddy Blue!"
He does too! See here am Blue: You can see them big dumb boy eyes and the way hims mouth am always moving! Now looks at Moe! SEE! They am almost the same!
And look at them legs! They has both got them dumb old long boy legs. I think Blue am not just a dog. I think Blue am him a camel-dog!
I is going to make Blue come here and meet Moe and I bets they talks the same language and everything!
It will be it a very interesting experiment.
I asked Moe one thing: "Moe, why is you behind a cage?"
"Shelby, I am in this cage because when I say Merry Christmas to people I likes to give them a little nibble, just so they know we are friends. Well, some people just get all crazy when a camel gives them a little kiss like that!"
"You know what. That am just what my buddy Blue him does too!"
Then we had to looks at my Christmas tree.
See, I even put up a little tiny tree so Robin and Blue will has a place to put they little tiny presents and leaves more room under the big tree for my loot!
I know what you is thinking. You is saying, "Shelby, that is a very beautiful tree. But somehow it just doesn't look all gorgeous like I'd expect your tree to look."
That am because it don't has no presents under it yet! And there am one more thing missing.
Them little sparkly lights!
Now you is saying, "Oh Shelby you are always right! That tree is a hundred times more gorgeous now!"
Just wait till you see it all covered with Shelby toys and treats!
You has to have good lights on your tree or else Santa might trips in the dark and hurt himself and forget to leave you your loot!
Then Robin, him says, "Shelby, we have so much great stuff we need to do something for all those dogs out there who don't have as much as we do!"
Now Robin am just a dumb old boy so I was me amazed cause he were exactly right! So I used my genius brain and comed up with a genius plan! I told my genius plan to Blue and Robin. Always remember when you is talking to boys they am not geniuses like us girls. They am BOYS! So you has to explain everything real slow! Otherwise when they messes it up, which they will do anyway, it will be you fault! My plan am this. We plays Santa Claus! We makes us some good dog presents and then we goes and takes them to good dogs!
The best dog present am it something to eat. So we decides to make a toy that you can eat!
I is such a genius!
Here am what we makes:Now you am probably drooling and thinking, "I sure wish I was a good dog. Those sure look delicious!"
You would be right! They is very delicious. We didn't want no dog to get sick or get one that am not delicious so each time we made two of them treats we would eat one!
That is quality control and it is delicious!
Then we wrapped them treats up so pretty. See, now them good dogs not only gets them a delicious treat they gets a great picture of me!
Christmas just don't get no better than that!
After we got them treats all dolled up Robin got he all excited because we was going to pretend to Santa. David had to come with us cause none of us is allowed to be crossing streets by ourselves. I don't know why. We is plenty faster than him!
So we all wents and David carried our great package of treats.
Now David said we should just go up to a house and leave the treats in the mailbox real quiet and then let them lucky dogs who has been visited by Santa Shelby, Santa Robin and Santa Blue be all surprised when they finds them delicious Christmas snacks.
How dumb is that?
I let David sneaks up but us three guys were all yelling! "This am Shelby who am delivering you some delicious treats. You be sure to tell Santa what a good girl I is."
Then when we was leaving we'd yell, "They is still time to get a good present for us cause you want to say thank you!"
That am a much smarter plan because some of them poor dogs may only be pretending they is poor and might come and give us a good present cause we is so kind and generous!
Being nice to poor dogs always makes you feel pretty good! I used to picks up the garbage and sells it to people to gets me some money to buy them poor dogs food. This am more fun. Santa will be thinking that we is such good dogs!
Now all they is to do is wait for Christmas.
Blue were him all worried. He couldn't remember if he signed his letter to Santa!
It got really boring to listen to that so Robin just grabbed Blue and gave him a good shake! Robing said, "If Santa doesn't leave you anything you can have some of my presents!"
Blue were still him moping saying, "Oh you'll probably just give me any extra socks or underwear you get. That's not as much fun as a rawhide! And what about ,y ride to go visit my pal Jimmy! Jimmy'll be awful sad if he doesn't get to see his good Blue Buddy at Christmas.
That am a picture of my brother Jimmy. Who am all covered in good eating snow. I has to admit that he do look kind of sad. Maybe its because he wants Blue to come by. I don't know.
Then I got worried because with all of Blue's crying I was worried Santa would think, "Hmm, listen to all that crying. Those dogs must have been awfully bad and be crying because they know they isn't going to get no presents!"
So I went and beats old Blue up!
When you am fighting Shelby you sure don't have you no time to be crying!
We had us a terrible good fight. It were so good even Robin got into it. Oh, we was fighting and scrapping and laughing!
It were terrible good Christmas fun, just terrible good!
Now we has to go pretend to sleep. Santa don't come if you am not sleeping! I don't know how she knows but she do!
I will come back and show you all my Christmas loot cause you know I is going to get some great stuff. I sure hope I get that helicopter. I really needs that!
So you just waits. I bet you is going to have a great Christmas too! You am my friend so of course you will!
If you should get any extra ice cream you am not going to use you could send it to me!
Blue am pretending to sleep . . . he wants to say, "Merry Christmas" to all my good buddies. I like when you write to me. Shelby is very mean and won't always let me use her computer to answer you but I do answer you in my head."
Now Robin, him wants to say, "Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah and a Happy Kwanzaa. If you don't get enough presents I will probably get so many I can share some of mine so you just be happy happy and be nice to dogs and to people and to my mom."
And I is the great Shelby and I just says you is going to have a great Christmas and all that because we am friends. If you needs doctoring I will come there and beats you up real good! So you better have you a great Holidays!
December 16, 2008
I is having a big partyAnd you has to come!
You has to bring you own food. I is still a very poor dog. And it am only polite to bring me a good Christmas present.
It will be it a great party!
I has gone and invited all my friends in my neighborhood!
They am all going to come and play Christmas games and stuff.
It will be so good. All them dogs playing games and me bossing everything.
How could it be nothing less than the greatest Christmas party ever, especially if you come and brings me a good present! Even if you don;t has no great present you can come.
That am Big Dog. I fights him all the time. He am very excited about coming to a Shelby party.
Did you know Blue has got him a girlfriend! Actually he got him half a girlfriend. That there brown dog I is inviting is Rosa.
Blue am standing behind me and he am whispering to me, "Shelby, ask Rosa if she'll go the party and play with me. PLEASE!"
It am Christmas so I am still being extra extra good. I did not think it were it a good idea but I did it. Rosa said, "I'll be very happy to come to your Christmas Party, Shelby, Thank you so much for asking me."
And then I asked her Blue's question.
She just kind of frozed up and looked over my shoulder at Blue and then, you know what?
You won't believe it!
She started shouting, "You mean that dog who said I stunk like flowers!! I know I forgive him but the NERVE!! Asking a proper lady for a date when we have not even been properly introduced!"
She's still coming. Old Blue were pretty heartbroken. "Shelby, " he said, "I will never love another girl again except my mom and you."
After I beat him up for talking mushy to me I said, "Blue, you am so stupid! You just don't listen you you BOY! Rosa will come her to the party then I will properly introduces you then she will comes to the party with you!"
"Are you sure about that?
"Of course I is! I is Shelby and I is always sure!"
"Then I am all happy again! Let's fight!"
We had us a terrible good fight. I won of course and then I had to go out and gets me stuff for my Christmas party!
First I went and looked me at some Christmas trees.
I likes pine trees. They smells pretty good and makes pine cones which are good fun for playing. I was thinking it would pretty good to have me one of them trees in my house. But you know what?
They cuts them trees down! I don't want no tree what am dead in my house. I already has me the greatest Christmas tree in the world. My brother Jimmy gived it to me!
I is figuring that my Aunt helped him pick it out because it am too beautiful for a boy to have picked out on his own. I will send you pictures after we has dressed it all up for the party!
Then I went me to a store what sells Christmas decorations and stuff. It had some pretty good stuff too, great stuff for a party for us dogs and kids!
It would be it a lot greater store if they gived free samples of Christmas cookies to a good dog!
After all that shopping I had to relax because I had a very important night coming up. I invented this good relaxing game. What you has to do is stand in a circle and then you chases each other real fast and tries to bite the butt of the guy in front of you. I won of course. It am a very great game and I is the new World Champion!
But I had to gets me ready to go out and look at CHristmas lights. Christmas lights am very important. They is not only good to look at but when Santa am flying him up way high in the sky them lights am the only way for him to see that it am your house!
If you don't has you big lights up he could misses your house and give your loot to somebody not so good as you have been this last 3 weeks!
That would be terrible.
David says that am not true that Santa always knows where you lives. All I know is that I gets me tons of Christmas loot and David hardly gets him any! So who am you going to believe!
You see that picture up there? That mess of squiggles and stuff. That am David's idea of a great picture of Christmas Lights. I don't know why I takes him with me sometimes.
Here am the house and the picture I has took. You can see I is a much better photogetter. I has taken the rest of these pictures so you know they am good!
Here am a nice little house. It is lighted up very pretty. It am not the Shelby prize winner cause it don't have no dogs or free cookies! Here am the house that won the Shelby Prize last year. You see it has got a Santa on the roof so that when Santa flies by he knows to stop there!
They am only one thing wrong with this house. It don't look no different from last year! You think Santa don't remember stuff like that? She certainly do!
I tell you something else. Them candy canes am not real! I went up and licked me one cause I was a little hungry and you know what?
They is all plastic and do not taste good at all!
I says that am false advertising! It am very mean to promise a girl candy and give her plastic!
These here are other good Christmas Lighted up house I looked at.
They has them all some good points and some bad points.
None of them showed a girl Santa Claus!!
That am the very worst part!
NONE of them was passing out free treats for a dog!
Blue liked him ALL of them!
Robin thought they were all pretty nice
David said they were all beautiful.
That am why I does not let boys judge Christmas lights!
They just do not know them how to tell the great from the good!
You is lucky cause I DO!
I is very good at telling people what it am they should be liking the best. So here it am the Winner of the 2008 Shelby Prize for Best Christmas House Lightening And Santa Signaling!!
It wins cause it had it a big old lighted up dog in front!
David says it am a reindeer. I told him I has seed plenty of dogs around here but never has I seed me a reindeer! So he is just wrong!
When we got home I heard from my old buddy Jack. Jack am that dog I was trying to teach to be smarter. He says he cannot come to the party!!
He were pretty sad about it but he had a good reason he had to him stay home.
The people he lives with am going to have them a baby!!
Jack has to stay home to protects them and to watch over that baby when it comes to live in his house.
That am very smart and shows I has teached him something!
He also says he has to make sure the new baby doesn't try and eat any of Jack's food!
Then my brother Jimmy sended me a picture of his party! I couldn't believe all the food he has gotted hisself!
I think being my brother has rubbed off on Jimmy. Getting all that food to guard were pretty smart! I is going to make David looks at this picture so he will know he should let me guard the refrigerator!
There am just one more week of being good and then it am Christmas! And this Saturday Am my party. I will take good pictures so that you won't miss you none of it!
It would be better if you come. But don't forget to bring you own food! I is to poor to be feeding all of you! And presents. That am very important. Or brings me food presents, that am very thoughtful at Christmas and Santa will think you is being good!
December 11, 2008
They is only 2 weeks to ChristmasI don't knows how long two weeks am but I bet it is a lot faster than forever.
I am so excited. I love Christmas.
I don't like being good all the time. That is terrible boring but I like that everybody else has to be good to me!
Did you write your letter to Santa yet?
I did. and I will tell you a secret to proves how very good I is.
You can mail your letter to Santa and you got not to put a stamp on it! It is true.
You can save your stamp money. Just puts your letter in your mouth, goes up to the Post Office lady and say "MERRY CHRISTMAS! Now mail this, please." You always has to say please when you is bossing strangers. It am very important so Santa will think you am a good girl.
She will takes you letter and put it in a special Santa Claus letter bag and zip bam poof before you know it Santa am reading you letter and getting all your loot ready for Christmas!
I will tells you dumb boys something, us smart girls already know this. I is putting on my scientist brain here. Santa am not no boy! Santa am her a girl!
I has figured it out. You has to be a scientifical genius like me to gets it so I will explain it.
See a girl has her some big jobs to do. She says, "Oh look, I have to make 4 kajillion toys, check all my lists and then get them all delivered! There is so much to do! I will get started right now so I will have time to make all the meals and wash all the clothes too!"
Then she just gets her already and does it! Just like a good mom!
Now if Santa were her a boy he would do this: First he'd spend a couple weeks being all lazy and saying to hisself,"Oh boy. I had better start work here pretty soon. I sure have a lot to do to get ready. Lets see, January until April I will go around and look at stuff to figure out what toys I should make. Then, let see, I had better check my lists and see who gets what toys. That will take me till about August. Then I had better read some of them letters I got from kids last year. That will take us until November. Then I will have to figure out what kind of stuff I need to make all them toys that will take about till December 15th. Then I have to make all them toys. That will take until Next January and OH that's too late! I have missed Christmas! Well, I might as well go see dumb old David and we can watch too much football on television and forget to feed Shelby!"
Since we always gets us a Christmas and you know I is always going to get my dinner even if there am not enough of it there am only one conclusion: Santa am her a girl!
Now I is going to give you even more helps and shows you how to write a letter to Santa. First I will lets you see how boys write they letters. They wouldn't let me help them write them but they sure wanted my helps when it were time to mail them!!
Its me. Blue. For Christmas I want a rawhide.
When you come to my house can you give me a ride to see my buddy Jimmy? I haven't seen him for a while and I need to talk to him about stuff that is pretty important. I can walk back home when we're finished.
Dear Mr Claus;
How are you? I am fine. I have been a very good boy all year long. You can ask my mom. She will tell you.
If it is not too much trouble I would like two nickels. Shelby says that is a lot of money. With those two nickels I want to buy a real special present for my mom.
If you can't I understand but it sure would be nice to be able to surprise my mom!
Lots of love
I is shaking my head.
Now I will show you how to write you a great letter to Santa Claus!
I has saved it for last so you can forget them other two and only remember the great one. I is also asking for so much loot who knows how long it could get and I might fills up the whole internet before I is through!
Dear Santa Claus;
This is the great Shelby. I has been just a perfect terrible good dog all year!
You can ask anybody but don't ask David. David can be terrible mean and might tell you bad stuff I might has done. I didn't do it! He has him no evidence which means I is innocent!
That am the law!
I has a great list of stuff I NEEDS for this Christmas. I has been so good that if you have any leftover toys or cookies you might want to gives them to me too. I will say thank you cause that am what a good girl does!
The first thing I needs is for people not to be mean to no kid or to no dogs. I know that am a very hard thing for you to do. If you can't do that you should use that big old sleigh of yours and bring all them kids and dogs people is being mean to stay with me. My yard is plenty big enough for them to stay here and if any bad guys show up and want to hurt them you know they'll be scared and run away when they see that Shelby am protecting them!
Then I needs you to make all my patients and all them sick kids not be sick no more. I can cure most of them myself but I could use a tiny bit of help.
See, if they is all well then I can beats them up! I needs lots and lots of people to fight and play with.
I will needs me a good car so I can drives them all back home when we is tired of playing. And a helicopter for them guys who lives too far away. With a helicopter I can chase me some birds too. I can never catches me any of them birds so you see I need that helicopter real bad!
I guess you should bring Robin and Blue something. If you don't then they will be all around me trying to steal my stuff! They is boys you know. You know how boys is. If they see me playing and having fun they just has to try and sneak in and steal them some fun!
You should not give David no presents. He has been very mean to your favorite girl dog who am me. He can't help it. I know. He am just natural mean and don't know him no better. You should take all of David's presents and give them to kids who are even poorer than me! That am a genius plan I has just thunk up!
So Santa I will be waiting for you. I am so excited cause I know you will give me all them great presents.
I has not moved this year so you knows exactly where to find me!
The greatest dog in the world and your best friend