April 29, 2009
Now I has gotted even greater!
Most of you know one reason I is just so incredible is that I has got me some super powers!
I also has me a secret identity. I is telling you but don't you go telling any of them bad guys because, because
I don't know why. All i know is that in comic books it am just terrible if the bad guy ever figures out you secret identity.
I trusts me some comic books when it comes to saying how to be a great super hero.
What it is is that I is now BIONIC!
We all had us to go to the veterinarian. That am a doctor like I is a doctor except I is a doctor dog and a veterinarian who a person who doctors dogs!
You is probably saying to yourself, "OH NO! Is Shelby sick! That would be the most terrible thing in the world!"
Yes, if I ever gotted sick it would be terrible!
I is not sick. We was all out playing and having us some good fun playing some good games I invented. Old David can't stand to see good dogs having theyselves some fun so he comed and said to us "Hey guys. It's time to go to the vet to get your annual check-up."
Right away Blue said, "I'm not going! Them vets stick needles in your butt and make you stand on scales! No sir. I'm staying right here!"
That didn't work.
Mean old David made us get in the car and made me drive us to the Vet!
Robin kept saying, "All they do Blue is stick you in your butt! Then you get a cookie!"
That didn't make Blue any happier. So Robin told him, "Look Blue, mom is with us. You don't want to look like a scardey cat in front of mom!"
"I'm not no cat!! No sir." So Blue kept him trying to be brave.
When we gots there them boys all said, "Girls go first!" I wasn't tricked by them but as I is a doctor and I didn't know this Doctor Jane at all I figured it were a good idea for me to go in and take a smell of her.
First thing she am a girl. That am always a good thing. Girls am just so much better at things than boys.
Dr J took one look at me and said, "I don't see many dogs like you!" That am doctor talk for saying that I is the greatest, smartest dog she ever seen! Being a girl and a dog I just has a natural head start on people.
Then she said, "Shelby, I'm a doctor like you. It would help me a lot if I could stick a needle in your leg so I can study your blood!"
You know I don't like needles anymore than you do but you is thinking, "That Shelby is so brave I bet she let that doctor steal her blood," and you are right. Hanging out with me just gets you smarter, see!
She took my blood, a whole lot of it. It hurt but I didn't cry or nothing! I is also a scientifical dog and I understands why these stupid things am important. That doctor she studied up on my blood and she said, "Shelby you are just perfect!"
Of course I said, "Thank you," cause I is very polite. Even when my leg it were hurting I is so much a lady I is still very polite.
The doctor said, "Shelby, you are perfect, so perfect I'm going to put a microchip inside you! That's like a tiny computer."
I told her, "I has me a computer. I uses it to talk to kids! I knows all about computers I is a expert!"
That am the doc giving me my microchip! I has watched Knightrider so I knows what happens when you puts a computer inside something!
I figures I is about a kajillion times smarter. I is using my computer brain to figure that out so you know I is right!
Poor dumb David thinks that little computer am so I gets found if I gets lost. HA HA! Like a super genius dog would ever get herself lost! I think his mind would explode if he had to really figure out that the smartest dog in the world just got her a whole lot smarter! And I is stronger now and hears stuff gooder and I even smells gooder! David says I don't smells gooder. He says I need me a bath.
I think that am his idea of a joke. Baths am nothing to be joking about, let me tell you!
Next week there am exciting things to be telling you about. Very exciting.
I will give you hints: My brother Jimmy had him a big adventure! They were some girls there so you know it am true! I is going to have me a visitor!
So you come back and reads all about it. I won't even charge you nothing!
Now I has to go test out some more of my new super powers! Oh, Robin and Blue saw the doctor too.
April 17, 2009
I has finished!You is so lucky I is your friend.
You thought I couldn't do it! You said to yourself, "Making up a new puzzle is just too hard for a super genius like Shelby! If she makes up a puzzle it would be too hard for anyone to do!"
Of course all the girls were saying to theyselves, "That Shelby is so smart and because she is a girl she'll probably make up the greatest puzzle in the world!"
And as usual all them girls would be right!
TAH DAH! (That am a word you says when you is showing off something super great!)
See, that am me up in the corner and what you has to do is get me to that delicious ice cream!
See, it am like a maze.
Don't that ice cream look delicious. Let us all just think about ice cream for a minute.
Now when you does this puzzle you should not traces your path on the computer screen with a pen.
I agree that makes sense but people will get awful mad at you. You might even get sent to puppy prison like I did! And it am my very own computer I was solving it on!
You can get somebody who am not mean like David to print it out for you or you can uses your finger!
You is probably thinking that looks very hard but lots of fun. It am hard. I made it hard so I can laughs at you when you make a mistake.
I asked old Blue to solve it and he said, "Shelby the answer is 7." He looked at it again and said, "definitely 7!"
I has no idea what he am talking about.
I showed it to Robin.
He studied it pretty hard.
<-- This am his solution.
It am pretty smart. Especially since Robin am him a boy BUT HE AM WRONG!!!
I showed it to David. I explained the rules to him very careful. You know what he did?
He started to trace a path from the ice cream to ME! He went backwards!!
He am very backwards anyway. I tried to explain that he were wrong but he said it were easier to do this way!
How dumb. I think it would be great if ice cream could it walk. Just think all that delicious ice cream could just be walking right into my mouth!!
But ice cream cannot it walk by itself so David's answer is just what you would expect. STUPID!! AND WRONG!!
Now this is how I has solved it!
You can see that not only is I a super genius but I is big enough and fast enough to not have to go through any old path, not when we is hunting ice cream I sure don't!
Of course this am not how you has to solve it. Unless you am as smart, tough, and strong as me! And you is not!
You should not say you is when you is not either! I could probably teaches you to be that smart and strong but I would has to charges you for them kind of valuable lessons.
That am only fair. I would not charges you a whole nickel. You could pay me with ice cream!
If you does real good with this I might teaches you to play Kong next.
You knows I is the greatest Kong player in the world. It am just a natural talent I has.
David has been talking about me starting a new job!
He am asking me to teach a NEW dog. To teaches it up to be real smart so it can find it a forever home.
He isn't going to pay me.
That am okay this time. All us super geniuses has to help out poor dogs who don't got them no good home with plenty to eat.
I will teaches her to share! Especially to share her ice cream with her teacher!!
April 3, 2009
This am the truthI has made up a great game for you to play.
But I has made a mistake. I is a girl and a super genius girl at that.
I has made the game too hard! Only a super genius like me could figure it out.
I showed it to Blue and asked him to answer it. Blue he looked at it a terrible long time and then he said, "Shelby. There is only one answer. The answer is 7!"
There were no numbers in my game puzzle.
I showed it to Robin and he looked at it and said, "The answer is whatever my mom says it is supposed to be!"
So I went and asked Robin's mom and she said, "Shelby! This is so complicated only a super genius could ever figure it out!"
I said "Thank you," cause I is always very polite even when people is stupid.
I didn't ask David. He am too stupid to even know when it am time to feed his favorite dog! There am no way he could ever figure out a genius puzzle like this.
I know you guys am smarter than usual. Even you boys. I know this because you am smart enough to come to me for advice.
I is going to have to make the puzzle stupider so you guys can figure it out. I is such a genius that making it not be genius will be very hard for me. I will do it for you even if you never does remember to pay me!
There has been a lot of other stuff going on. Not so interesting as me but stuff.
Blue know thinks he am a great musician because he got him a new instrument. He am always playing it. He makes up his own songs. They am pretty good. I could make up better songs but it am nice to find that Blue can do ANYTHING and not just do it all stupid!
Robin has just been doing typical boy things; chasing Blue, sleeping (which am always a good smart thing to do - chasing Blue and sleeping!)
One thing he did!
You all know David has this serious disease that makes him want to give dogs baths. He gived me a bath! And I hardly even smelled like nothing! Really! I figure rolling in mud keeps a girl's coat all shiny and stink free. It am science. But David has this terrible sickness. I has discovered it and gived it a science name. Science names are very important. They let us scientists say easy things real complicated so that you regular people doesn't know what we am talking about! That am how we stay us so smart! I has called his disease Davidamapoopisheadius. That am David for David; poopis head for poopis head; and idius for crazy cause that am what he is!
I am working on a cure. Most of the cure will be a long session of getting his butt bit!
But now here I is all sad and traumatized from getting an unneeded bath and Robin tried to smell my butt! Look there am photographic proof!
Robin thinks me getting a bath am pretty funny right up till old sick David gived him a bath too!
He sure didn't think that were funny! It looks like he also am thinking of giving David some butt biting medicine!
David's rampage of bath giving terror were not it finished yet. Oh no! That am how you can tell how sick he really am. Ruining two good dogs days am not enough for him!
Of course with blue it were about half till dinner time before he even realized he had had him a bath!
Then Blue were him all sad. "Why am I all wet? Why don't I smell all beautiful?"
I was going to laugh at Blue but then I thought that I wish I could not realize I had me a bath till it were all over. Baths am terrible things and not terrible good neither!
There's been them some other things happening.
I know. You remember my new car? You people who has seed me driving to the ice cream store sure remembers! I is such a great driver and any car that got me driving it am just 4 times more beautiful!
Guess what! David broked my new car! That am why I does not like sharing! He just broked it! He am not a good driver like me.
He tried to make me drive this ugly car. One look and you can see this am not a Shelby car at all! It don't even have extra space for all the treats I need when I is driving!
We got my car back and it am even better than before. Lucky for a certain David I can tell you! I loves driving my car. A girl my age needs her freedom and time to take her naps.
Lets see. Oh, it were Saint Patrick's Day. My brother Jimmy has forgotted he am BELGIAN. He tells me he has decided to become a leprechaun!
Jimmy says, "A leprechaun is a little guy who has a pot of gold! Leprechauns are very rich so I have decided to be one!"
i says, "Riiight," like they do on TV. Maybe he have him a good idea. All i knows is that when I drives to the ice cream store they never ask me for no gold! All they wants is them nickels!
I will wait and see how much ice cream Jimmy am getting before I decides if being a leprechaun were my idea or his!
Jack has wrote to me. He says taking care of Sam am real easy! He says I would not believe how much food Sam drops EVERY DAY!
That sure do sound like a good deal there. I think I will teach David to drop him a lot more food!
They has asked me if I want to coaches another football team. I will has to think about that.
I has gotted me a big stick. All great coaches like me always has us a big stick. That way we makes sure them players scores them touchdowns. Like I always says, "Bark loud and poke them with a big stick."
I think that if they really wanted me to coach they would call the team the Shelbys, then everybody would be too scared to play us!
So I still has so much to do. I will start working on that new game puzzle for you guys right away.
First I needs me a nap!