Sometimes there’s just an empty space. It doesn’t want filling.
I don’t know exactly what that means, but I know how it feels.
Sometimes I miss being innocent.
My blood levels are getting better. Much better, normal really, but there are these odd spikes. So I talked to my old doctor.
No more coffee . . . or I can have decaf coffee. I’ve no big problem with that but its just another small pleasure, another enjoyable vice taken away. He also thinks its dangerous for me to be a vegetarian. No red meat but I should be eating chicken, turkey, that kind of stuff.
I don’t like my body dictating this much to me.
Except for this I’ve been stud healthy most of my life. No allergies, no chronic this or that. Never ever even had an earache. Nothing hurt me badly at all. Except other people, but that would be the case for most of us I’d figure.
So I really don’t have any experience dealing with this. I don’t know how to gracefully accept a limitation imposed on me by my body. My body was always my friend. Now it feels like its not.
The way I’ve been dealing with it is the same bull headed way I deal with everything: Get my head down and bull through it. Ignoring everything, every stitch every bloody cut and patching up what can’t be ignored until . . . I almost wrote “until its too late” instead of typing the thought in my head which was “until I have time”.
I should just whine better. Learn to be graceful in the face of this. I realize I don’t have a clue as to what that graceful attitude would be. If it even exists.
There was someone I was dating along time ago. It didn’t last long. She wasn’t dating me, she was dating some image of me that may or may not have ever existed. She didn’t like me being morose and said to me, “You never heard about Jackie Kennedy being all morose when her husband got shot!”
Now I wonder what she wanted to convey, other then making me look at her as if she were a slime encrusted gastropod alien. And the thought “Where do I meet people like this . . . oh yeah, Hollywood.
But I don’t know how to behave as gracefully as Jackie Kennedy. Somebody probably wrote a book about it. A book I’d most likely never read.
I’ve figured out the AJAX code to get the little pop-up windows of the web sites on my links page. It works great on the local server but choked when I went live. Which is how I discovered what every first year Computer Student already knows, for security reasons you can’t make an XMLGetRequest to another server or another domain via the browser . . . You can, however, get the server to make a proxy request to a third server.
As soon as I figure out what that means I plan to get right on it. Or kludge together a brilliant work around . . . or at least make up something that will work.
And today I’m using Beta 27 of ecto. I still like the app a lot. It finally solved one major issue for me. It now properly uploads the pictures to the server. That means I don’t have to go and manually create the thumbnails then open an ftp app and upload the things. This way is much quicker and easier.
And I am so busy that I NEED the 45 or 50 seconds that normally takes.
The layout tools have shown a marked improvement as well. Now it is possible for it to use my css file and create the layout exactly as it would appear instead of me either guesstimating or firing up the local server and examining it that way.
I still use MarsEdit to add in the extra span tags and special styles. That may be force of habit. Or the fact that I have all the code snippets stored inside of MarsEdit. I guess my next big adventure will be to try and do a post solely in ecto.
I’m also getting yancy (there’s a word you haven’t heard since your grandfather bounced you on his knee) waiting for the next Leopard Update. It supposedly will fix my biggest issues!
I wish Mac and iPod etc hadn’t gotten so successful. It used to be that Apple was mainly worried about keeping their customers happy now they’re just trying to become Microsoft.
And I am still excited about the Super Bowl. I want to see the Patriots play.
But its been so dull so far. I mean, Plaxico Buress predicting that the Patriots will only score 17 points is hardly deeply interesting. Nor is the state of Tom Brady’s ankle that fascinating.
There’s no great hype, no deep analysis of each teams match-ups, that sort of thing.
I’ve been hearing more about commercials than the game. More about the money than the game.
Although I did just learn today that one of my Texas players signed with the Bengals! Which is great football news.