To kill the Bhudda you must be a Bhudda
Kazuo Koike

Eerie 1967 by Frank Frazetta
Click images for desktop size: “Eerie 1967” by Frank Frazetta
I was watching “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” and there was this really ancient guy who they’re debating whether he was killed or suicided. The solution was that he couldn’t have suicided! He tookChristine Keeler Affair 14 pills a day! That was the only fact they needed.
I take 14 pills a day.

My puppy got a bath on Friday. She spent all of Friday hating me and blaming me. Of course she waited until I had rescued her from the sadistic groomer! Then its safe to hate me.
Can’t blame her for that.
She looks great. She’s been blowing coat in this maddening heat. They got her all brushed out, nails trimmed. She’s just as beautiful as I imagine her.
I can never get over how easily she forgives me for the wrongs, and the perceived wrongs, I’ve done her. My puppy cares about me, rejoices in me.
It’s reciprocal.

I suppose the biggest deal this week though is my job.
They fired the supervisor for theft. I was surprised and disappointed by that. And then shocked by the depth and amount of the theft, as well as the duration.
I’ve successfully avoided any sort of supervisor/management responsibilities at this job but this time, as much as I tried to avoid it, I’m stuck.
At first I thought I was going to get out of it easily. Thier initial offer of a promotion would have entailed a fifty cent an hour DECREASE in my current salary. Somehow they were unaware that I already earned more than the mamgers and supervisors.
Flux by MX Steel
Click images for desktop size: “Flux” by MX Steel
They fixed the offer and made a few other concessions so now I’m it.
The major thing for me is going back to working during the day. I start at 8:00 AM now instead of midnight. I’m hoping this does something to fix my constant fatigue. Maybe not but who knows.
It will be an adjustment I figure. No longer moving quietly through the dark nights and no longer dealing with crack heads and drunks with a violent attitude. Or at least not dealing with them when they’re in full roar to their addictions.
I figure the little bit of extra money will go to the immigration lawyers.

Have mercy on me
Cannonball Adderley

The Earth by Milad
Click images for desktop size: “The Earth” by Milad
I was in hospital last weekend.
Tight chest pain, dizziness and weird pain through out the left side of my body. It felt like the side of The Big Bird Cage my face that got paralyzed was turning into melting wax.
I started to work and decided I couldn’t make it. So I took the doc’s advice and turned left instead of right. Ended up at the emergency room.
The good news is that I wasn’t having a stroke or a heart attack. The bad news is that I wasn’t having a stroke or a heart attack but I’m now on the hook for all the tests that told them whether I was having a stroke or a heart attack.
They kept me over night. I’m not fond of hospitals. Not fond of many doctors either. If you remember the War in Grenada. Reagan’s “Little” War. They sent in the marines to rescue some medical students . . . Rich kids who were too stupid to get into a real school. I mean they were so stupid that their rich parents couldn’t even pull strings to get them into a real school, so they paid huge fees to go to this butcher shop in Grenada so they could pull strings to get their dumb kids a license to practice medicine and become self supporting.
I mean these kids were so dumb that their parents could get a war declared but they couldn’t get them into a real medical school in America.
Every time I get a real stupid doctor, and they out number the good ones, I always ask them if they studied medicine in Grenada. I haven’t met any yet but I have met two went to med schools in the Caribbean. I asked to see other doctors.
So after wasting a night and a day in hospital where I was pretty much ignored I went home. My puppy was glad to see me. Odd thing was that she hadn’t defecated since I’d been gone and she had refused to play with her Kong. I thought she loved her Kong. I guess she only loves to tease me with the Kong. Maybe my puppy thinks I love the Kong.
Untitled by Tomas Brechler
Click images for desktop size: “Untitled” by Thomas Brechler
I sleep in a single bed. I don’t usually move around much so I’m comfortable in one. My puppy is comfortable in one too except she doesn’t share and will seldom spend any time on the bed with me. When I lie down when I got home she jumped up and rested her head on my stomach and refused to move. She woke me once howling in her sleep but went right back to rest easy. I hope she wasn’t dreaming about me.
I went back to work that week. It was hard. I still feel badly.
On Friday they sent me to see more doctors. More EKG’s, more blood drawn, more tests, more physicals.
Theblood takers bugged me. The primary one commented on how young and tight my skin was then called over two others to see and touch me. It was embarrassing as well as making me feel put upon. I The Black Cointhink they might have been trying to be complimentary but that is possibly just a hope. They also sent me to an endocrinologist. I don’t recall ever seeing one of those before. He was interesting, cautious but open with his instincts. They’re doing all sorts of tests and will let me know the results in a letter or a phone call and then set up a follow up appointment. They said I need more protein. They also said I’m still in remission. They also pulled me from the drug trial for some pretty obvious reasons. I asked if this meant they were revoking their six year life expectancy guarantee. He said something that made me laugh. “I see at least three times they’ve given up on you. It seems there’s no good reason you survived your second heart attack and with no treatment. I don’t think anyone would ever bet against you.”
They gave me another pill to take. I know take 11 in the morning and three at night. Lots of chemicals.
My puppy doesn’t care so long as she gets fed. I approve of her attitude.

USC 49 Hawaii 36

Unknown

Click images for desktop size: “Untitled” by Unknown
I didn’t have much of a birthday. Slept 18 hours out of the twenty four.
Woke up on the day with a pretty frightening ripping pain in my chest. Not heart attack pain but justThe Incredible Melting Man as intense.
Thought about going to the hospital but nixed that. Remembered my last emergency room visit: Over Five thousand for a 5 minute EKG and 15 minutes of hanging around. Made me mad at Obama and the Democrats and that weak heath care bill they passed. So I suffered Delores Fuller

Click images for desktop size: “Delores Fuller”
and I slept. The waking time spent taking care of my puppy. She was being overly solicitous so I knew the pain was serious. When I’m just uncomfortable she goes about her business (whatever that is) but when I’m in trouble she does what she can. Sadly most of what she can do is fret and worry, not a good thing for a dog brain to try and process.
So a week later the pain continues. I still do my walking to work. The exercise has no impact on the pain. Neither does work. Work makes it no better and no worse.
There are moments. Moments of light headedness and worrisome moments of extreme and sudden fatigue, so severe that I wasn’t sure I can remain standing let alone walking. Deep weakness and jittery confusion that rested only on the surface.
On Friday I managed to get to the doctors. When you’re going to doctors on the cuff you take what you can get. I remembered all those movies and stories where lives were always at stake and the only solution was raising some insane amount of money, like $35,000 in depression dollars, for an operation. I realized that none of these stories were ever resolved with the surgeon saying, “Hold on a minute! You mean they might die!?! Of course I’ll do Bridge by Clarence Holbrook Carter

Click images for desktop size: “Bridge” by Clarence Holbrook Carter
the surgery for free or at least on credit!”
Many of those stories ended up with the sister dying and/or the brother going to prison for robbing a bank to try and pay the exorbitant medical costs. It’s a cliche.
I spent about 6 hours at the clinics, not counting my travel time. My nook made it a lot easier. It was easy to read. Right now I’m reading Judith Freeman’s “The Long Embrace: Raymond Chandler and the Woman He Loved”, which is really just a detailed travelogue of LA, but a travelogue noting the constant decay of my hometown. For Freeman its going to Chandler’s neighborhoods and examining the decay from the 30’s until now. For me its the confirmation of the hell that LA has been enduring.
I remember when I left, or at least decided it was time to leave – in LA mind set and action are pretty much the same thing – I remember thinking my lovely, corrupt ugly home had become hell. I was standing in the Hollywood Hills and could see South LA in flames from the Rodney King RiotsDirty Harry and then to the north west the sky was a black mass reflecting the red fires of the canyon and beach adjacent homes below it.Urban ash and rural detrius caked black and gritty on my face, the leaves and the gray sidewalk. Another beloved puppy at my side swaddled in bandages from her most recent surgery to repair the damage from shotgun pellets and the whole future of LA and my place in it seemed clear and not abundant.
Freeman’s book makes it clear that my vision of the future were discomfortingly accurate.
Freeman’s a novelist, not an historian or a travel book writer so some of her situations are forced and some cheesy like a bad romance writer’s sniffling but for the most part it’s a strong book on an obscure subject. Trying to put Chandler into perspective and giving glimpses into his difficult persona via where he lived and the woman he spent his life with are brilliant endeavors. Its an enthralling book, at least for another native Angeleno.
Of course having a good book made even more convenient via the ebook format didn’t stop me from rummaging through the cabinets in the examination rooms. I still figure that if they cared about the stuff they leave in there they wouldn’t leave me alone with their things for so long.
I found the usual boring stuff but also a brand new rather expensive looking scalpel. My first thought was this was sharper than an exacto knife!
I put it back where I found it instead of lifting it. Not from some petty morality but because this is a free clinic, basically, and I figured that scalpel probably cost enough to force a rise in their prices.
The end result of all the testing and nonsense is that the fluids from my experience with lyrica are still present. In fact they said I’m allergic to lyrica . . . which seems to me to be tantamount to being allergic to hemlock. The shallowness of breath and the chest pain are from a toxic buildup of Untitled by Cole Phillips

Click images for desktop size: “Untitled” by Cole Phillips
fluid around my heart and lungs.
That sucks.
My grandmother died from congestive heart failure at around 92. My mother did too but she was somewhere around my age. I thought she was a lot oder but as my wife brutally pointed out she might have even been younger than me.
The end result of this is I have to take a diuretic everyday; Hydrochlorothiazide. (I copied the name from the label).
Lots of side effects. The first tablet really wrenched me around. Bad nausea and it felt like an icy hand was rooting around in my chest looking for something that I wouldn’t understand even if the hand found it and pulled it in to daylight.
The other drag is that my blood sugars have to get lower. They want them at hypoglycemic levels. So instead of keeping my blood sugars between 4-7 the new targets are 3-5 . . . rah! They doubled my daily amount of lantus (insulin). It will be interesting to see how this goes.
The lower blood sugars are supposed to help the fluid build up as well as but a stauncher grip on the neuropathy that’s always dogging me.I Married a Communist
Times like this I can’t help but wonder why I’ve survived. There are a lot of people more important to the world, better people who’ve died. And if the lazy French existentialists are right and this is hell then there are a lot more people worse, crueler and badder than me who’ve been granted release.
Lucky for me I’m not very good at keeping those thought processes going to long. There’s always a puppy that needs walking or petting and people who need caring for.
Since my birthday was on a Saturday I think most people forgot about it until their PDA’s and smartphones sent them the reminder on Monday. I got lots of good wishes on the Monday. I liked that.
Getting my wife into the USA continues in its own plodding pace. I want the incumbents out of political office but not to replace with moronic racist tea baggers. What ever happened to good men?

Fate loves the fearless
James Russell Lowell

Love Memories by Alicia De Frietas

Click images for desktop size: “Love Memories” by Alicia De Fritas
My job has been legislated away!
This has never happened to me before. Its kind of interesting in a Chinese way. (The worst ChineseGrand Illusion curse is, “May you have an interesting life.”)
I guess the biggest surprise is that this bill to wipe out about 3,000 jobs is being driven by the Democrats. For quite a while it looked like the Republicans were going to stand around and let the Dem’s pass the bill and then when the spike hit unemployment rates they’d comfortably sit back and accuse the Democrats of neglecting their constituents and general bad policy. It makes sense that the Republicans would allow the country and the people to die a lingering death so long as the Republicans got what they wanted.
But that sniveling strategy got trashed when my boss, amongst others, got organized. They started to proclaim to anyone who’d listen that this was unfair and that banning “Internet Sweepstakes” would cost the state 30,000 jobs (!?!) and at least 1 billion in need tax revenue (!?!).
They also organized a poorly conceived e-mail campaign that was transparent only in that it was bought and paid for. They tried to get me involved . . . not smart, but nothing about these guys is. My stand is simple: This is a lousy job, but the only one I can find. I make about 60 bucks a day while you net about 200,000 a week. I understand your concern but you have to understand my apathy.
So they paid me to send some e-mails. I did. They paid me to help our customers to send out their boilerplate e-mails. I did that too. I never knew I was such a mercenary.
I pointed out that it would make better sense to create a form where all the customers would have to do is fill in their name and email addresses and then push a submit button. It would be easier and Red Bee by Lou Fine

Click images for desktop size: “Red Bee” by Lou Fine
permit personalization. I said I’d charge them $250 to design it and it would take about 4 hours to have up and working. That was too expensive for them.
So in the face of all this “outrage” the senate passed the bill 47-1. Pretty much a slam dunk.
The one nay vote wanted them shut down but to preserve jobs and tax revenue her plan was to have the State Lottery take over operation of the “casinos”.
The general consensus was that the operators were scum whose goal was to suck all the money out of the poorer communities while giving nothing back. The owners response was that if they made them legal they’d have a rack of Gambler’s Anonymous pamphlets . . .
The other contention was that the jobs they offered were not jobs that benefited the state. The owners violated all the labor laws, offered no protection, benefits, lunch breaks, rest breaks or safe working conditions.
All of this is true. So the owners response was to call the senate corrupt without offering up a clueGirl Boss Revenge as to who would benefit from bribing the entire legislature to close them down.
Now the bill goes to the house. The owners then decided to rent buses and force all the employees to trek along. I refused to attend this one. It was a disaster. No customers attended. Oddly the media wrote it up as a massive protest while the legislators saw it for what it was. How nouveau riche are the employers that they rebelled at the idea of making campaign contributions to the legislators who, while not supporting them, balked at the idea of losing jobs in the Fergie

Click images for desktop size: “Fergie”
present economy. So instead of talking to them intelligently the owners bragged about how they set those idiots right. So instead of building up allies in a fight they managed to reaffirm the incredibly negative image they seem hell bent of justifying.
Their only hope, as I see it, is that the House decides not to debate the Senate bill until after the election. Then the owners have to throw their support and considerable extra cash behind any candidate who might support their cause.
They won’t do that. They are as bad as the legislators depict them. There’s no misunderstanding there. These guys whole goal is to suck up every nickel the customers have period. They have no social conscious and are not bright enough to see how faking one will benefit them. They can’t even figure out to be deferential and listen and rebutting instead of dictating. I’ve seen it before just not as so base a level.
For me I’ve got a job and I’m searching for another one a little bit harder. My job sucks, dealing with sore losers, drunks, drug dealers, hookers and other creatures of the night. But even a crappy job is better than looking for work.

Mix

Click images for desktop size: “Mix” by Unknown
My spare time now is spent on getting my wife into this country. It’s arduous and confusing. Too many forms, too many arcane racist laws. Immigration. I want her and my two other dogs with me.

I’ve had to keep comments switched off. It’s creepy. The spammers have made 12 attempts to hijack the site in order to post comment spam? How utterly worthless. I give Movable Type props for catching the attempted exploits. I’ve add to remove some of the little things I like to prevent the access at all.

My puppy is losing weight! She has her little waspish waist back! She loves me and I love her. She even tolerates the tiny bit of food she receives, I just have to pet her more.

They say the worst bad habit we have is memory

Untitled

Click images for desktop size: “Untitled” by Unknown
I’m getting a lot of mail and questions. Some from strangers, some from people that I love. “You dead?” to “Did you give up blogging?”The Dunwich Horror
No.
I’m just tired. Hard tired.
Everyday thoughts go through my head; since I can’t write them down, get them from there to here, they stay in my head.
In my skull thoughts get crowded. They swirl around until they form a primordial mélange. Working nights leaves me constantly sleepy. After work, in the morning, I care for my puppy; dose myself with my drugs; stick myself in the belly with insulin needles; answer as many emails as I can (more for my puppy than myself – it’s more important that the kids know she, my puppy, is fine and swaggering); look for another job; deal with things I have to deal with and then fall into disturbed and anxious sleep.
I toss and jumble myself while trying to rest. And the thoughts settle into their confused sparking mélange and the past stays merged with the present.
The job in the Quasi-Casino has disrupted the undemanding plan for my life. Survival; traded my life plan for survival. We have to do that too much.

There are things I can’t forget that need remembering.

I was walking with my puppy in the dark, before work, on a warm and windless night, when we heard a strange noise. Can’t describe it. It wasn’t noise it was just a sound, a vibration in the ground. Then by street lamp and moonlight we watched a 35 foot tree snap off the trunk 8 feet off the ground and crash to earth.
My puppy and I were enchanted. The owner of the tree’s backyard came running out. Ruined a bit of Betty Page by William George

Click images for desktop size: “Betty Page” by William George
the atmosphere. All I remember about our conversation is that he said “wow” a lot.

It was time for my puppy’s annual physical. She was fine. The vet gives you a little sheet detailing all the various tests and things. At the bottom Dr K wrote, “She IS great!” with “is” double underlined.
My puppy is always so happy. She makes me happy even when she repeats her same old jokes a dozen times a day.
There was a fairly recent report revisiting the intelligence of dogs. They now figure dogs can remember over 250 words and have a general intellect comparable to a human 3 year old.
That’s easy to accept. A combination of better testing techniques, evolution and better breeding practices.
The AKC used to start their description of Belgian Shepherds with the unequivacable statement, “the Experiment in Terror most intelligent breed.”
Politics costs Belgians that statement, but politics can’t take away their dark chimp like eyes and unyielding affections.
My puppy loves her kong. That’s a hard rubber toy. Two years ago my puppy lost her kong in a snow drift. My puppy loves her kong; not any kong only her kong.
There was a snowstorm recently. At the height of the storm my Lucille Ball

Click images for desktop size: “Lucille Ball”
puppy got frantic. She insisted on going out. She ran to a pile of snow, dug for a minute and came out of the hole with her kong in her mouth. She trotted inside, giving me the eye as she brought her outside toy to the inside. It had to be inside, she had to know it was safe.
What impresses me is that she pulled an event from 2 years ago; saw it as a problem and came up with a solution.

Went to the doctor. Part of my heart is dead. Not the part that hates or the part that loves.
Got the bill for my emergency room visit: 20 minutes – $4,780. Yeah.
We don’t need health care reform. Hospitals are as trustworthy as Wall Street Banks.

I saw one of the best pro “rasslin'” matches ever recently. On this alternative show, “Ring of Honor.”
The show is cool. Kind of gritty, kind of cheap and highly entertaining. It’s not as comic book-y or stupid as the generic WWE bizzaro world.
ROH does less talking and more yelling. They play the little dramas faster and with more intensity.
In the last WWE show they talked for 30 minutes before the first match started.
Jack Kirby

Click images for desktop size: “The Mighty Thor” by Jack Kirby
The ROH match that blew me away was The American Wolves vs The Young Bucks.
it was great. In its best moments it was as exhilarating as Chan Cheh Venoms movie with bodies flying through the air at breathtaking speed and landing and launching from impossible angles. It wasn’t the sophomoric soap opera slowed down treacle sports entertainment, it was four guys pretending to beat each other up really really well. It was sweat infused art.

Some where around here I got married. It was actually March 17. The date had no significance to me before. All I did was agree to it.
There was no big decision for me. The only thoughtful part was being certain I wasn’t marrying to have someone put roses on my grave.
The ceremony was okay. There were good dogs in attendance. My wife got all the dogs sparkly Dracula Sucks green bow ties. All the dogs kept them on, even my puppy. Gentle Dog started to lead a cheer during the vows and my puppy who was circling the altar had to go tell him to shut up until it was time and then we all had to whistle and stomp our feet. I liked their participation plenty.
The food was good if a bit too vegetarian for my puppy and me. But it was good. Good music. Good friends etc.
My new “mother-in-law” said something that made me bristle. She’s always been obnoxious and rude to me. I don’t care much about that. I tend to just ignore her, but she said one of the nastiest things I’ve ever heard at a wedding to my wife. I still feel like snarling every time I think of it. Her attitude explains a lot.
We got lost returning from the wedding. It bodes well that we got out of it with no big hassle and that dogs kept sleeping quiet in the back.
We did a second wedding the next day. It was out in the woods by a rushing stream. The first “legal: wedding was done by an okay Methodist minister who kept to his own wedding agenda. In this one we got to spout off a lot more. My wife said a lot of pretty words. I kept watching Giant Dog start to amble down the stream. When it was my turn I said my words from memory until Giant Dog got himself into trouble, so then had to stop everything and resuce him until he decided that was good fun and proceeded on a faster clip to get himself into trouble again . . .
I still liked the second wedding better.
It was sad when they left. Even my puppy was sad.

I’ll be sorry but I don’t care

Haiko On Hanami by April Joy E Jasmin

Click images for desktop size: “Haiku On Hanami” by April Joy E Jasmin
My mother used to be terrified that she, being only fifteen years older than me and divorced, was going to deprive me and traumatize me. The only book, the only resource for new mothers then was Delinquent Schoolgirls Doctor Spock. She couldn’t go to her mother for advice. My grandmother hadn’t talked to her since my mother’s divorce. So my mother fumbled around and did the best she could figure out.
Sometimes this entailed taking me to work with her. When she was working at the concession counter at the drive-in movie theater going with her was very cool. I would sit at a picnic table on a concrete slab by the projection booth, right next to a blaring metal loud speaker and float into the movies while my mom’s teen co-workers inundated me with sugar-y soda, popcorn and ice cream.
It was in that state that I first saw “Godzilla”. A warm California night, the sea breeze and eucalyptus scenting the air and sixty feet of city munching reptile destroying everything adults hold dear. Perhaps my still holding love affair with Japanese jidai-geki movies has more to do with remembering a mother’s love than it does my fondness for giant lizards and men in rubber suits. I wouldn’t know. I’m more Adlerian than Freudian.
I liked monster movies. So did my mother but she worried so her next big plan to keep me from being deprived was a subscription to The Children’s Book Club.
This was some weird thing, probably from an ad in “Teen Mom’s Weekly”. For fifty nine cents a copy your child, meaning me, got a hard cover classic of children’s literature.
They were cheaply printed things. Thing I remember most were the super ragged edges of the pages. But I liked the books. I liked the stories in them. Classics is a pretty broad term. There were Hardy Boys stories, strange science fiction and “Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland”. I really liked that book at age 7. I liked the pictures and I liked the horrible things that happened to the little girl.
Purple Vectors

Click images for desktop size: “Purple Vectors” by Unknown
At that stage of my life torturing little girls was a major part of my entertainment. Not real torture but stuff like dropping snails down their backs, stealing the heads from their dolls. Typical stuff. The one girl who thought it was cool and fought back instead of shrieking and threatening to tell on me became a life long friend.
So I liked that all the animals yelled at Alice, picked on her and tormented her. It kept my interest up.
I read that book and re-read it then got on with surfing, torturing little girls etc. In high school someone gave me a copy of Martin Gardener’s “The Annotated Alice”. I don’t remember who. It took me a long time before I started reading it. When I did start to get into it I was enthralled. It started my trek into Lewis Carroll fandom.
I recently got a copy of Jenny Woolf’s new book, “The Mystery of Lewis Carroll”. It’s a bit dry but it attempts to debunk some of the more bizarre suppositions about Charles Dodgson like that he wasThe Deadly Mantis actually Jack the Ripper. It also attempts to tackle the issue of his being a pedophile. That has always driven me crazy. I’ve read some persuasive arguments for it being so and I’ve tried to accept that he was a pedophile who never actually improperly touched or harmed a child.
That goes against my knowledge of pedophiles. When I took my training to help abused kids part of it was attending group therapy sessions and listening to child abusers. I think the plan was to get us trainees to have some compassion and empathy for the offensive Audrey Hepburn

Click images for desktop size: “Audrey Hepburn”
offenders.
It didn’t have any such effect. I have been alone with thrill killers, reputed Mafia hitmen, drug addicts, prostitutes and movie stars. At some level I’ve always felt a bond of humanity. Sometimes it was tenuous and difficult but it was always still there.
Prior to my meeting the child abusers the group I felt most distant from were the hard core crack addicts. They were so lizard brained that any cloudy memory they had of being human was only called on to try and manipulate.
Child abusers, the ultimate victimizers, didn’t have even that. To me they were an alien insect race that would be best served with a claw hammer and a room draped in plastic.
They have no control over their actions. They must abuse. So sordid and ingrained is their delusion that they speak often and in agreement that children are sexual seducers who lure them into the abusers horrific attacks and fantasies.
The thing is that they were all like this, all out of control. Even chemical and physical castration has not deterred child molesters from attacking children.
No matter how convincing the arguments it was hard, nearly impossible for me to put Dodgson in Rise on an Angel by Titusboy

Click images for desktop size: “Rise on an Angel” by Titusboy
this category, this misshapen lump. I could not even accept that he was a pedophile who had somehow managed to NOT harm children.
Ms Woolf’s book tries to address this issue while presenting an image of Carroll full and deep. She uses a few newly discovered letters, gets some interesting interpretations of available data from MD’s and such and uses a unique and solid bit of hard evidence.
She uses forensic accounting. Recently discovered are the complete bank records for Dodgson. From the first penny he spent till the decimation of his estate at his death. Financial records.
It seems odd. But so did bringing down Al Capone’s empire based on his financial records. It paints a picture of Carroll and Dodgson that I am much more in agreement with that any other previous. Meaning it jibes most closely to my own perceptions of a major part of my pantheontology.
Woolf’s writing style is a bit dry and prosaic but her observations are keen, her conclusions are onlyDevil Girl From Mars pedantic when strongly supported by evidence. It makes a good read and provides at least for the fans, which I am, a nice amount of dream time considering Dodgson/Carroll. My only complaint is that a bit too many words are spent rejecting some of the more inane conclusions about Dodgson.

I went for my stress tests on Wednesday. Interesting stuff. They made the mistake of leaving me alone in a room too long. I found a remarkable plastic model of a heart. It was dumped behind some boxes in a cupboard. I coveted it and considered stealing it. I didn’t. Not because of any high handed moral arguments or out of fear but because it occurred to me that it might only appear to be discarded and might be of service to some other poor slob stuck in my kind of hell.
The stress tests themselves were not all that difficult. The first one was on a treadmill. I was out fitted with all the ekg terminals and an x-ray machine was pointed at my chest.
Wally Wood

Click images for desktop size: “Untitled” by Wally Wood
It was hard getting my pulse over 100. Not that I’m that fit but because the treadmill didn’t offer up enough resistance and I was ordered to not bend over too much to accelerate so that the x-rays would hit the right spot.
After that we went to the stair masters. Due to my chemotherapy history they eschewed x-rays. Didn’t want to blast me with too much radiation in case I turned into a super hero I bet. So this time I climbed the unending staircase and was monitored by electrodes and sound waves. I could see the sonogram as I worked out. It was so incredibly cool looking at my heart beat. In motion I was trying to control it and make it do interesting things. That got me yelled at.
Don’t have all the results yet but what there is is good. My heart has healed. There are abnormalities but they have to be looked for rather than appearing as distorted lines and squibbles.
My vitals are all good. they doubled my blood pressure meds. Rah. My BP was 120 over 60, but they decided they want it even lower! Part of this is due to the congestive heart failure I had with theDouble Indemnity Lyrica. Then my BP was hovering around 190 over 80 due to all the fluid in my chest compressing everything. Getting my standard BP even lower will enable me to endure a real congestive heart attack (that’s what killed my grandmother when she was 98 . . .) They said I was on an extremely minmal dosage anyway and this would still have me below average.
Now I just wait for the rest of the results and the fitness and fury.
Just wanted to mention my puppy. She’s continued to be wonderful. She’s crazy and calm by turns. When I’m feeling more under the weather than usual she’s protective. When I’m feeling better she’s bossy and obnoxious, demanding her way. She’s my friend.
She’s been on a diet. She hates it. But we went to the pet store yesterday and she has lost nearly TWO POUNDS! Bringing her weight down to 71! Only six more pounds to go till she is her ideal weight!
She could care less about ideal weight. She’d rather have ice cream at all of her meals.

I like onery old cusses. I hope to live long enough to be one. Paul Fix

Styling Spaceport It was a beautiful day here yesterday. More so because I go my ebike up, fixed and running. It needs tuning and oiling but its running. Its beautiful. I took it around a long block and it felt as peaceful as my first solo drive in my first car.

Die You Zombie Bastards! When I came back I played with my dogs. We had our usual fun. What was notable is that for the first time since the move my puppy mouthed me three or four times. She hadn’t done that since we moved nearly a year ago.
That pleased me and made my heart a little larger.
Then watched some football.
The most notable thing that I see is my old saw still proves true. 1A schools that insist on scheduling 1AA schools should be knocked out of consideration for BCS bowl consideration.
Ohio State has a long history of running one of the lowest regarded academic programs in the country. They train professional football players and seem to have little concern for them beyond winning on the field.
This is not a knock on the players at OSU. They are a talented group with much to be proud of. It is a knock on the coaching staff and the athletic department and the athletics department’s PR group.
That OSU goes to back to back BCS Championship Bowls and is an absolute disgrace in each of them in a damning testimony that the only thing working well in their administration is their PR department that hustles hard to impress the voters.
When they made the deal to play USC a simple check of the calendar let them know that this would be the weakest time to schedule the Trojans. The scheduling was all to their advantage. That’s the Big Ten way.
I can hear them snickering to themselves calculating how many starters they’d have returning and how many freshmen their seniors would be facing.
Then to insure success they schedule a 1AA opponent as an opening day “scrimmage”. Then they follow Dragon Lady that with a slightly more difficult opponent: a lightly regarded school from the lightly regarded MAC. You know that they had it all figured out; two in effect “exhibition games” would have them all tuned and ready to destroy the Trojans.
Except the kids from the little school rose up and put on a dazzling display. Its too bad they couldn’t keep playing over their heads well into the fourth quarter. It was an impressive display that needs applause.
To be the best you have to play the best. To improve you have to play someone better than yourself.
The Buckeyes at least got a wake up call. I figure they’ll be ready for the Trojans. I hope so.
I also note that over priced, over hyped and over weight Charlie Weiss has done a great job for the Fighting Irish. Last year he made them the worst team in the country. Edge Of Hell This year he appears to have led them to the very brink of mediocrity.
Chuck Long and San Diego State made an impressive try against them on the road. It came down to some pretty pathetic officiating (It still think the football crossed the plane on the fumble instead of a touchdown that turned the game around).
I want Notre Dame back in the elite so I can fool good about hating them!
The NFL goes full swing today. I plan to watch every game I can get here. Yesterdays college schedule was supposedly not very interesting. I thought it was great and fascinating. East Carolina looking deadly. The SEC getting beaten again when they go outside the conference. Georgia trying the OSU scheduling mode to try and win the National Championship. Stanford standing proud and testy. So many stories, so many kids playing their hearts out.
Its a wonderful time of the year.
On Monday I’m making a hard pitch to volunteer at a local high school. I’m going to flash the credentials and everything.

Remember just getting by is okay too

Hardcore Hentai by Anonymous
Click images for desktop size: “Hardcore Hentai” by Anonymous
Just a day.
I miss the snow. I was getting used to it. It all melted and now everything looks just normal. That doesn’t do me much good.
Modesty Blaise I do seem to be able to avoid falling down quite a bit easier but thats not much off a fair exchange.
Feeling like I was walking in some new alien world everyday was worth the nicks and bruises.
My broken toe is healing. Its a nice mottled purple today. The blackness has retreated. It hurts some but I can walk. My biggest fear is not being able to walk. I guess it equates to most people’s fears of their car breaking down.
As long as my puppy and I can walk I figure we can get anywhere . . . eventually.

ecto, the blogging/posting tool I like is up to beta 20!
Its improving and I almost trust it. Its amazing how many words this app has flushed down the toilet. I doubt if it was ever a loss.
Being a beta tester has a lot of pluses. I’m learning a lot of the power of this tool. Its all simple stuff, but its stuff I probably wouldn’t have ever used. I still don’t use most of what it offers. I don’t need most of that kind of power.
I just like it to help me do the layout, and keep everything from being repetitive xhtml coding. It is doing that okay so far. That makes me happy.

I took my puppy and the big dog who broke my toe for a walk to the store today. I was limping and when you show a big dog a sign of weakness . . .
Having good traction disrupted most of his plans for me.
We met a Belgian Sheepdog mix in the neighborhood. She was being walked by an older woman and we were both excited to meet another black dog face to face! My puppy was prettier . . .
Pretense Of Innocence By Mo
Click images for desktop size: “Pretense Of Innocence” by Mo
I like meeting friendly people with friendlier dogs.
At the store I tied the dogs to a bicycle rack, which was tired to a concrete filled 3x3x4 metal box. I took 2 steps away and the big dog decided I was abandoning him. I turned in time to catch the bike rack at my chest and to kick the metal box away before it hit a parked van.
Of course I kicked it away with the foot with the broken toe.
A bystander said, “Hey, you’re pretty fast! Good job!” Turns out it was his van.
I got everything put back in place while holding on to both dogs. I then found a nearby tree and tied them to that. Another bystander said, I hope jokingly, “Do you think that’s strong enough to hold him?”

Other than that its just been a day like any other.
Did watch a movie. Ben Affleck’s “Gone Baby Gone”.
La Prisonnivre I tend not to like Ben Affleck. No reason. The main reason, I think, is that I confuse him with Ben Stiller who I have a strong dislike for.
When I get them straight in my head Affleck reminds me of this guy I know, Kevin.
Kevin worked for me, he was a big burly good looking guy. Quiet in a brutish kind of way but affable enough and not given to a lot of talking.
One day he gave me a nicely offset printed magazine. It was a poetry magazine and he edited and printed it himself.
“None of my junk’s in there. Nothing good enough for this issue,” was all he said when he sort of jammed it at me.
I liked it. A couple of them I still remember. I told him this and he just grunted at me and never mentioned it again. There was just always a new issue in my mail box.
Anyway Affleck’s movie is pretty good. Its too complicated about Boston and child molesters and baby stealing. Dark stuff. Handled darkly.
Everything is intro’d nicely. The acting is all very good. particularly Ed HArris and, of course, Morgan Freeman. But then the plot gets so complicated and twisty that I couldn’t figure out what the movie was trying to say, if anything.

More things than heaven allows

Spiral Nebula

Click images for desktop size: “Spiral Nebula” by NASA
To bring all the pages into xhtml compliance I’ve had to go through and edit most of the old posts. I had to correct a lot of mistakes.
Some of the errors were caused by the import. Most of them were caused because I didn’t know what I was doing.
I’m a slow learner.
Los Olivados Going back through them, of course I had to re-read bits and pieces.
Boy, it makes my life seem miserable.
It makes it sound like my only bright spot is my puppy.
My little puppy is the bright spot in my life but my life is not all that grim. I’m fairly certain it hasn’t been.
There’s been my share of tragedy, personal hardship and squalor. The squalor sticks in my mind deeper than most traumas.
There have been bright spots. Many.
I recall them as moments of sunshine glistening off of lawns, off of fields of snow, off of little fur.
I remember hearing from people who have touched my life, telling me how I touched them.
I sure remember laughing a lot more than I read about.
I didn’t write enough, or remember at the time the people who’ve been a small part of my life. The people who’ve come into my life with the greatest gifts, conversation and understanding and the stories of how they make it from day to day.
As I fixed the errors in the code I made certain not to change anything. Not to delete anything. Not to rewrite the past to fit the present or make for a safer future.
I wanted to at times. I wanted to correct my amazing amount of typos so I would look quite so not dumb maybe. I just neatened up the code.
I wanted to put in big sections like “Life was horrid.” BUT A LITTLE GIRL OFFERED ME A BITE OF HER SANDWICH. Or “Man, this stinks.” BUT THAT AFTERNOON A TOOTHLESS WOMAN SMILED AT ME AND TOLD ME A JOKE IN SPANISH.
The Bandits Theme By J3 Concepts

Click images for desktop size: “The Bandit’s Theme” by J3 Concepts
I’m glad I’m keeping a journal. It makes it easier to remember not only what’s been written but to remember what I’ve nearly forgotten. Things that shouldn’t be forgotten because those things are always about people.
It reminds me to do things now that I should have done even then. Not big things, but all the little things we always forget. Because our lives are too important to ourselves and we think we have to protect ourselves in the clinches. I write too much about puppies. Then I think I should have written more.
I don’t write enough about my friend. I know the reason why and I don’t care for it but I know its out of my control. The crazies and the vengeful.
The Man Who Turned To Stone I’m glad this thing is public. It helps keeps me ruthless in examining myself. Knowing there’s always someone out there willing to correct a lapse in memory.
I’m glad its public because it’s like, well, I used to explain to guys that sometimes when an old friend, ex-friend calls you in the middle of the night its not to re-kindle some smoldering romance. Its because, when two people get close and expose each others soul to the other its a closeness people can’t ever escape or regret. Sometimes there’s a concern, sometimes the concern is born of a nightmare or a song on the radio.
All they want to know is that your not dead and that part of each other that burned for a while is truly immortal, that part the two of you shared.
This does that for me. Quietly and invisibly. Transparently.

The other things I read was all about football, and I realized I sure don’t know much about making NFL picks!
When I read some of the things I said about teams in the past . . . it was embarrassing.
I would never make a good psychic.
Like I only got 3 picks right out of 4 this weekend. Which fits my 80% average okay. Its just that my reasoning is sometimes . . . stupid.
I’ll keep making those stupid assertions though because one day I’ll be right. Odds say I have to be.

Its hard to find from here

Applicants by Luke Fildes
Click images for desktop size: “Applicants For Admission To Casual Ward” by Luke Fildes
Went out with the dogs today.
Bitter cold. Plenty of snow to cover the ice.
I fell while carrying the little blind dog over a section of salty slush that was hurting his feet. I twisted to make sure i didn’t crush him. That was the only image I kept while I was falling. I managed to avoid doing that so I torqued my back.
All Quiet On The Western Front The little guy didn’t think anything of the fall. I guess when you’re small and blind getting whooshed around must seem like a normal state of affairs.
My puppy was very solicitous. She tried to lick me and actually walked with me for a few hundred yards. Normally she likes to ride point and bark at any dangerous leaves or squirrels.
We finished the walk and our few chores just tromping through the snow and telling each other dog jokes.
When I got home my back started to hurt pretty badly. The kind where the pain is vomit inducing, a bilious green pain.
I did my exercises. I’ll sleep on the floor tonight and hope it will be better in the morning.
The good news is that my blood levels are responding as expected to finally having my drugs. This is good because it delays the inevitable of having to go on insulin or worse.

I’m watching the Fiesta Bowl.
West Virginia is winning my heart with the way they’re playing. After being so nastily rejected by their coach they could have just rolled over. Instead they’re playing like spurned lovers or step children getting back at their parents.
Its the oddest thing, emotions for an athlete. You want your D-line psyched and crazy. Screaming for blood. You need your secondary psyched but right on the edge so that they not only react reflexively but also have no haze so they can read and decipher their opponents movements.
Dashboard
Click images for desktop size: “Dashboard”
Line backers and offense have to be cool, intelligent. Time has to move slowly for them. Adrenalin has to be used in a different way – shut down and recalled when needed.
Its a hard balance for a coach to keep in his team. Its hard to recognize it in a player sometimes. Harder to teach.
Right now I’d say that this interim coach has done a superb job in all facets of the game.

We’re alone now.
My puppies and me.
We’re fine. My friend is off on her dream job. And that’s comforting.
I often feel alone but I can’t think of a time when I’ve ever felt lonely.
I wonder if that’s a character defect.

Captain Midnight The insane hit count searching for the Captain America picture continues. Its interesting how many of the searches are from government offices, federal, state and local; even quite a few military. I’ve no idea what sparked this level of interest in the character. I thought it was the announcement of the movie but that doesn’t seem to justify that much activity.
The ultra positive is how well the new hosting service is handling the load.
They’re a relatively big host and I had concerns about them being so big and the level of service. this is winning me over pretty completely.
Also pleased with the way Movable Type is handling the references from the old WordPress script. If people would look a touch harder they’d find what they’re looking for.

Back to the game for all of us.